Welcoming Xmas & NYE!!

Been super busy the last few weeks with don’t know what too!! Hahahah…everything is at hyper speed now, as we speak. Busying with the Xmas party is of the utmost agenda. The hotel room, the make-up, clothes, food, party games, prezzies, gift exchanges and all the co-ordination is going at a frantic pace!!

I guessed I had been having lotsa fun gearing up for this big event. Spending lots of time and effort on the perfect gift for my loved ones and hunting down the best bargains too. My bank account has been bleeding profusely since the last pay slip came in. Oh my God, the money just gushed out like the rapids @ NZ!! Hahaha…And I dipped into my savings too. That’s the worst scenario ever!! Just saw the credit card bill, and guess what??!!…it’s a hefty $677.15!!!!!! The biggest ever bill ever amounted! Sian…now I also don’t know how to pay my dad..haiz…..Can’t wait for payday to come again!!! *wishing money can drop from the sky NOW!!*

Anyway, back to happy thoughts :). The Xmas party preparation is gonna be the biggest party yet, in terms of budget. This year, we really go all out. And here’s the “lovely” breakdown:

Swissotel room - $36
Gift exchange - $16
Accessories from Chomel - $55
Make-up & hair - $58
Gifts for J&J - $53 (and counting)
Gift for Irene - ??? (hmmm…most probably under $50)

It’s already totaling up to a neat sum of $250. And I’m not even done yet!!!!!! WOW!!! That’s why I kept stressing, it’s gonna be the BIGGEST AND the most Expensive party ever organised by us. Hahahah…sad part is, it’s always the same people attending. It may be the most expensive, but it’s only big in spirit and not in numbers. Oh well, it’s the company that counts, and not the number of people I guess.

I even wanna top it up with a new pair of boots to complete my look (which I freaking have no idea how it will turn out…Egyptian eyes make-up, almost a black ensemble, some Japanese hairstyle, pink glossy lip-gloss, and finishing up with a body full or gold and silver giltters.) hmmmmm…….androgynous?? most likely… :p Seems like after checking my account, that boots just gotta wait for another year… :p

Been feeling the shopping bug catching on to me. Was shopping for sunnies and tried a couple luxe brands, like Dsquared and Police, and they looked darn good! Down side, Dsquared is $670 (before 30% off) and Police is way in my league @ $270. It’s very comfy but the price was super steep. So, gonna check out my neighborhood optical shops for Police sunnies and lock that into my company’s account. Kekekeek.. :p If not, it will be the Mercury Raybans (which is not what I’m expecting. I want an exact replica of what MJ wore in his music video…haiz…) @ $185, which I know can be lower even further. Good luck to me!!

So much to buy this 2009. My intended purchases span from DSLR, to multi travel plans spread between the next 5 years, to luxe watches, to nice perfumes and sunnies, and back to my fav, clothes!!! Phew!!! What a year of fickle shopping lists…hahahahah…think I gotta start small and bring it up a notch when my pay gets better. Now, it’s back to planning my Xmas & NYE party and baking that yummy, rummy fruitcake!!! Yayz!!! :p

Out of Sorts...You Asked For It!!!!

It has been a boring week 46. The days sucked, and the weekends are worst! It practically rained the whole week, and when the sun shines today, I have no plans at all. Such a waste!!!

I don’t know why I’m waiting earnestly for the phone call, that I know it will never come. What am I expecting from her??!!! NOTHING!! So, how come I’m still doing that man :( …..when every single close friend of yours are not available, even the slightest possibility will become a huge. I know nothing’s gonna happened, and jolly well know she’s not the type of girl I’m after. But she’s just there for the picking, you know what I mean?? Anyway, I realized after taking out Soon and Irene, I don’t really have much friends to go around…especially for a simple shopping trip or just coffee. I just don’t. Sometimes, you just wanna laze around a coffee joint and chat the whole day, but I just don’t have that (at the moment). Friends are getting few and far between, at a rapid pace. It’s even faster than deforestation!

That’s why it stuck my mind to work overseas and start afresh, in a new environment with new people with new setbacks with new experiences….new everything!! It’s just a thought, which can be fulfilled if I put my mind to it…(maybe I should sign up for the upcoming seminar on working in Aussie..)

The last few days were pretty insightful when I managed to speak to Soon on many topics affecting us. It’s a good heart-to-heart talk. How many friends can I do that??? Not much…and definitely less than 5. Names that I can ratter offhand now are Jo and Irene. That’s a pretty decent tally, but I hope I can expand the group size….at least when they aren’t around, I can have some alternatives.

It’s been bothering me the past week and hasn’t been a delightful experience for me. When I begin to evaluate my life, it just crumbles before my eyes. It saddens me to see myself in this state. I wanna be happier, but it’s hard at times. My only hope now is 2010. And after reading my fortune for the impending year ahead, it looks pretty bright for me, both on the work front and love. Sounds too good to be true, but I rather take that in for now. :)

I really REALLY should forget about her (stop daydreaming, Nick!!!) and get my butt back on track. Focus on other issues and let it fade into the background…GOD, I NEED YOUR HELP NOW!!!

96 Hours

The 1st posting of November. What a way to start this month with a bang. My friendship with Alexis got an unexpected twist and just got tighter by an inch. It all began after a week Heejung left and I left a message on her facebook. Well, she reacted in kind and left her number. I was just checking on her and seeing that she’s ok and coping well. It all started from then.

We talked on the phone for hours in the weeks that followed and it was good. Suddenly, I became her new BFF. Then last Thursday, that phonecall changed my life for the next 96 hours. I was at work and got her call around 9.40am, (just stepped into office for just 30 minutes) and she told me she gotten into an accident, and asked me to call the police. But it was a fight that broke out between her and the landlord. Essentially, it’s money issues but the mutual respect was the main blame. I’m sure if Alexis was more tolerant and tactful, that wouldn’t have happened, and she could “happily” stayed there till 30th before moving out, and NOT moving in a rush in less than 72 hours.

It was a mad rush for time and finding a place to stay in that time frame is ridiculous. I phoned all the contacts I have but eventually, her sister’s colleague ex-fiancé gotten the nice bachelorette pad for her. He was so nice and helpful. Anyone would have likened to him. Well, having a rich family indeed makes things less worrisome and everything was done by Friday afternoon. Yuppie!!! It was a really nice studio and she’s the bloody 1st tenant to move in!! hahahah… :p

Anyway, I helped her with almost everything. From the police report, to the hospital, to finding the new place, to cleaning her old room, to making sure she gotten all her details right. And she’s really a sotong. She got a shorter memory than me!! Hahahah…so, I was there to take care of the whole situation, and putting in under control. It was an eye-opener for me, as I get to know the housing T&C, SingTel service blah blah…

I got all the stuff for her to pack, so I just sit there and see. I even roped in my dad to help me get the boxes!! Kao!!…She doesn’t want me (or guys) to pack/unpack her personal stuff. I think this happens to all girls, not only Koreans. Anyway, I can’t be bothered with that. Better still, less work for me!

It’s been a tiring ordeal for both of us, especially her. I guess mentally she’s hurt and she’s in a daze most of the time….but after finalizing the housing, she’s much better. :) I, myself didn’t look good either. I slept late, and waking up early to go over and settle the loose ends. Just feel there’s a need to help her see through things. No matter what, she’s still a girl and in a foreign land…so as a friend, it’s only right to go the extra mile. (I promised HJ that I’ll take care of her…so, there I am, fulfilling that promise ;) )

If I’m gonna write an account for the last 96 hours, I think I can go on forever and write a book.

I seriously even thought of starting a relationship with her, but I guess I couldn’t find the chemistry between us and we are poles apart. I reckon she sees me as a friend too, so there’s no ground to pursue this. For example, these 4 days we have been eating in restaurants and going by cab, and definitely taking a toll on me (even though I didn’t pay most of it). But still, the lifestyle is so different, that even by compromising, it will only be as good as it gets. I admit; it’s nice to feel rich and not worry about money. It really does. But, I can’t do it…I just can’t. To have her foot all the bills, just not gonna do it for me. And to eat at those places every single meal, is also a no-no. I guess you get my drift. WE ARE WORLDS APART.

That’s why, Justin and myself both agreed that, Singapore is not a place for her. It’s too Asian and there’s too many unsaid customs to follow and to comprehend. Our culture is not something she can adapt to and going back to America is still the best thing for her. I told her that during lunch today, and definitely will highlight to her when the time comes again.

Well, just gotten a call from her earlier, and she’s gonna fly back to Korea tomorrow. I guess, she doesn’t have a choice and with her mom’s pressure, she definitely has to. Hopefully, everything will turn out fine and back to normal in a couple of weeks. For now, it’s back to taking the subway, hawker food and my trusty KDK fan. :)

*p.s. my perception of busty girls has also changed, and becoming more “Westernized” after spending time with her. I guess, somehow I got brainwashed…I don’t know how, but I did. I don’t even glance at girls anymore. Hahahah…I’m truly listening to my inner voice and that attraction to American/Aussie accented English girls has just heightened to a new level. It’s no longer just boobs, and looks. Now, it’s just the nose and perfect English ;)

Smooth Skin..

I have been hardworking today. kekekek…I’ve diligently used my body scrub, had my facial peel and mud mask. Today seems to be beauty treatment day! Hahahah.. :p But my skin’s in pretty bad shape, so I’m thinking whether to visit Dr. Seow for the Vitamin A treatment. Hmmmm…shall call up on Monday to make the appointment. I want my smooth skin too!!!!

So full the last 2 days and tipping the scales at 67kg…my heaviest in months!!! Lucky, the coming weeks, I’m stepping up my runs, so should lose the excess in 2 months. By December, I should be back to my slim 63kg.. ;)

Living behind those glasses...

Another emo-moment for me. As I’m writing this, I’m listening to Officially Missing You by Janice & Sonia and I realized loving someone ain’t so easy anymore. When you’re of marriageable age, you can’t love anyone anymore. You gotta plan for the future and whether this girl/guy is the one for you. You gotta screen the person to the DNA, and I’m dead serious!! Hahahah…to me, it is lah. I gotta know her family profiles, their medical background, her own health status, career, financial planning…blah blah…so it’s quite a major headache when you think of it.

I guess I’m just a worrier. I think and worry too much. I can no longer go with the flow. Time ain’t on my side man. 26 going on 27. It ain’t much but it’s 1 step further into adulthood, and it’s time I make more permanent decisions. For instance, my career. It’s not going anywhere and job hopping ain’t gonna help in the long run. I’m even contemplating to move overseas for work. A fresh start and the slower pace might be better for me, who knows?! I seek simpler life and starting a family there would be a nice addition to the picture. :)

It’s been a roller coaster ever since the annulment. It’s even more topsy turvy now than ever. Hahahah…everyone been asking why I’m still going out with Irene, and my response has always been the same. But deep down, of course I know she’s still holding out for me, but I’m can’t reciprocate the love. It’s a struggle for me too, coz I can’t avoid her and she’s always there when you needed someone, for movies, dinners etc. So, who can I turn to, when all my friends are attached??!! And they still have the gall to ask me, “why you still going out with her?”…humbug!! Sometimes, seeing a familiar face makes my worries go away, so she’s the next best thing. I wanted to shun her, but it’s just not right. We can still be good friends though. So what’s going on in her mind is totally beyond my control…

Yesterday, I was flipping through our courtship photos by accident. I was so much flesh-er!! Hahahah…and we looked so good together. :)…Thoughts ran wild, but I don’t wanna see myself becoming the monster again. Sometimes, I wish she didn’t meet me. Or, I didn’t go clubbing on the fateful night. Everything will definitely be different and who knows, she might already become a mummy. I guess, it’s her worst decision to have met me. Utterly waste of time..a time of her prime. If I can return that 3 years to her, I would…plus interest.

Though I kept complaining on having no girlfriend, I’m not even sure I’m up for it again. The whole courtship process, the whole getting-to-know-a-new-person process, is such a pain in the ass. I gotta fact find everything again, though I know I would be happy to do it if I’m in love with her. But it’s still a chore lah!! A whole new adaptation to one another’s habits, peeves, culture, can be very taxing. Falling in love can actually be very tiring and mental straining. All the chemical reactions in our body are going crazy just because of this attraction. It’s amazing, but is it worth it when all that reactions stop??

So when the perfect one comes along, what would my reaction be…………???

Run for Life

Finally succumbed to the temptation of NOT running. Kekeek…coz the omen is so CLEAR!! C is going jogging…I saw my folks jogging…and I even saw my friend, ALL at the same day!!….so it’s a sign that I must run loh. hahahah…but I think I misread it, coz I sustain injuries even before I started running. I strained my back when stretching and during the run, I strained the muscles behind my left knee. Wah lau, just 7km and I kana so many injuries. Bo hua man…but I felt refreshed after that..so naturally, I slept well too. :)

The up side is, my appetite increased and ate like a pig!! Hahahah…next stop, wine feast tomorrow with Jo…yayz!!! ;)

Withdrawal Part II...

Saw a young Korean girl on the way back, and it immediately triggered my memories with my yobo. :( I’m still not adjusting back to reality and life without her. Give me time….lots of it.

I’m listening to Korean songs just to feel her presence here with me. It transports me back to our past events. Nice feelings all over… :) well, I guess she’s been a part of my life so long, that she truly meant something to me. Kudos to her, that I have the songs that she gave me…muack!!!

This feeling of missing her will fade eventually, but I know it just went deeper into my heart and missing her more. ;) Our memories will bring sooooo much more meaning in time to come. :)

Withdrawal...

The activities in October had brought a great beginning to the month. Mostly it surrounds around Heejung, coz she’s leaving us and back to Korea. Time passes extremely fast the last 14 days. Before I know it, it’s her last 24 hours here…sob sob.. :( The emotions ran high for me, and practically I have no mood for work yesterday. I wanted to take leave but coz of my family dinner, there’s really no point. Somehow, I regretted it but it’s over…so no point crying over this. It’s the 1st time I feel sad when someone is leaving for good. I think it’s bcoz I know when she comes back, it will only be visiting and not permanently. So, I guess I didn’t get the same feeling when Yanfen or Jo left for Aussie in the past.

We really bonded tightly the last 2 weeks. Whenever there’s an empty slot in my calendar, I would think of her and meet up for dinner or something. Our friendship has accelerated and brought us close and I already started to miss her when I know I can’t see her till next May. Work was definitely not on my mind yesterday. There are only images of her. She’s been a great friend and I will never gonna forget her. Though I told her I will cry but I didn’t. The tears were welled up inside me and it showed on my face. There’s sadness written all over. But she kept her cool and smiled. Coz she knows we will meet again. That’s so philosophical, but I agree with a tinge of reluctance. I know she’s sad but she held it back, coz once it’s out, there’s no holding her back. I still sent her sms after we left and hoping she’s connected and indeed she was. She called and I was so darn happy!!!! We chatted a few and I know she’s gonna be ok, so that’s how it ended. :) I just wanted her to stay with us forever, here in Singapore….sob sob…

We all know she will leave one day, but I always hope that day will never come. As I’m writing this, the sadness is still in me, deeply not wanting to let her go. We hugged and I almost didn’t wanna let go coz I know it will be our last. I’m just reminiscing our good times and how it will be when we meet up again…definitely there will be longer hugs and kisses!!!

I know why Agatha doesn’t like the airport. Seeing your loved ones off is 1 of the hardest things. I HATE IT!!!

Till the next meeting my dear friend…yobo, WE ALL LOVE YOU HERE!!!!…I LOVE YOU!!!! Come back soon ok….!!!

Definitely getting married @ 35!!!

Disappointment, disappointment….it’s written all over my face :(….she didn’t turn out the way I wanted her to be. Firstly, she isn’t the same gal I saw in Facebook. Secondly, she turned out older than I thought!!! She’s at least 32, 33!!! Aaarrggghhh!!!

HOW COME I GOT THE KNACK WITH OLDER WOMEN!!!!!!??????

I just knew that I wouldn’t have scored with a gorgeous, young thing in my lifetime. It’s always been like that all along. I thought I’d broken the curse with her, but apparently it’s still the same…*faint*

I don’t mind the age, but why give people false hopes with that 2 photos!!!!!!???? I knew she played down my expectations of her, but to that extent??!!! It’s too much for me to swallow lah…but now I learnt 2 new things. When a girl doesn’t reveal her age, she’s 90% 30yrs and above. Secondly, when she said she’s normal looking, better believe her words!!! These are the 2 things I’ll remember for LIFE!!!

Besides that, she’s a friendly person (she even shaked my hand when we meet…wah lau!! I’m not your client leh..) and very personable. But the looks department is just very off lah…haiz…at least I met her early, and didn’t leave it too late in the “relationship”. That’s why I soooooooo relaxed with her today. normally, when I’m with a “real” babe, I’m more fake and forced. But with her, I’m totally ME…

I FEEL CHEATED!!!!!!!!!

I think I’m prettier than her today loh!!! At least I resemble 99% of what you see in my photos. Really a major setback for me in the dating field. I just couldn’t shake off the “older women” attraction. It’s not my fault that they keep coming to me….I want a young child-bearing girl!!! Is it too much to ask for???!!!!

Back to the drawing board…………………………………………… sob sob……….

I SCORE A DATE WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PM Mood)

Need I say more??? Hahahaha…I’m totally elated when she finally said YES!!!

I told her a more concrete plan and indeed she went and checked her schedule (no more excuses this time), and it’s either Monday or Tuesday. I got exam on Monday, so she said Tuesday would be better coz of me and the tendency of her clients calling on Monday is higher…so Tuesday will be great. :)

Though she told me it’s ok for now, and not guaranteed…but she said it’s 70% safe. So, I’m praying hard, her jackass clients don’t come calling her for meeting in the middle of our date. Or her office calling as well….*tolong tolong la!!!*

It’s gonna be a simple movie and lunch. But I’m all good for that. Nothing must fail on that day. And I’ll personally see to it. In the back of my mind, I’m already sizing up the location and rehearsing on what topics to say and stuff. I’m even more nervous now than my FYP presentation!! Kekeke…I’m just sooooooo happy la, so bear with it… :p

My plan finally work..i.e. a more firm-up plan, at least let her know when to make time for me is definitely a key to my success. I was banking on this, and if this fails, I’m out of ammo. So, I’m praying hard this date will turn fruition. I really want this to bear fruits man!!!

My mood definitely lightens up after this great, big confirmation. Instantly, I just shine through my smile. Kekekek…don’t think I need to say more, until the date is over and I’ll have more to update….and also, I don’t wanna jinx it by writing too much…I’m pan tang!! :p

*hope nothing will cock up…cross fingers*

Back Off? or Slow Down?? (AM Mood)

I feel that writing is the best form of release for me. I mostly write when I’m depressed, moody or sad. And by the gauge of the frequency I’m writing lately, you can tell that I’m in that state of mind constantly for the last 72 hours.

I have no avenue to turn to, to express my inner feelings except by writing. Thank God for Yati, who hear me out last night, pouring my grievances to her and she received it with love and concern. That’s sweet babe, THANK YOU!!! I don’t wanna blare too much to my friends, as I would be repeating myself over and over again, which will make me evoke that same disgusted feeling a million times. So, here I am, writing about my 1-sided affair with her. *sigh…..*

Sometimes she blow hot, sometimes cold. The 1st 2 days was pretty fiery, but after that, it died down. I was wondering if I’m pushing too hard or what. Like what I gathered from her, she wouldn’t have the slightest clue if a guy is interested in her. Her 6th sense is like off all the time! Hahahah…anyway, it’s really no point mulling over this, over and over again when I didn’t even met her yet. So, I don’t know why I’m writing so much over an unreal person!! *sishh!!...*

I will try again to ask her out for a movie, but this time round I’m gonna give her a title and the time frame. At least she has something to work with. If not, she will keep saying,

“I don’t know leh…there’s too much to do…..I’ll let you know when I can ya.”.

And I’m getting bored and irritated in hearing this too many times, even though, in my heart, it’s true to the bone. I never once doubted her as she showed sincerity and “genuineity”. So, the trust has already formed.

I wanna set my mind straight as soon as possible, so that I can move on to whether she’s the one or not. So, I hope she can give me an answer, or at least a clearer indication of whether we can have a date or not. I’ll only be waiting for that to happen…and I will only be giving myself 3 months to settle this. Yes or No…Easy? Simple? Not very…

*strangely, after spilling out my thoughts, I somehow felt lighter and ready to do battle again. Maybe I can tahan another round.. :p*

How did my folks communicated through their courtship??? Hmmmm…

After writing the post last night, I think I’m getting ahead of myself…being overly enthusiastic and overzealous about this so called courtship. I think I’m too eager to get into a relationship now, that I give my everything to be in one. No holds barred. But is the other party willing, or should I say, it’s all along been a one-sided affair??

Though there’s a tinge of flirting around, but the result wasn’t really sustainable. Coz we only communicate through MSN, and she got no handphone to text or call….so it can be quite depressing for the initial part of courtship. I’m sure given that convenience, I would have been in a better position to make this relationship mine. Everyday, I’m just waiting for her to come online, and for that few hours, I drilled in every inch of my mental strength into it, hoping the friendship will flourish to a meaningful relationship. But she’s online to work, all the time….though it’s clear she doesn’t neglect me, but I’m not getting a strong vibe that she’s REALLY INTO ME. You know that feeling in that tummy, when someone likes you??? Your gut feeling will tell you that, “Ya, she’s into me, alright!!”…but so far, there isn’t. I guess I’m too anxious to fast forward this relationship to blossom, and feeling miserable in the process. This is my one shot to love, and I ain’t gonna give it up, unless she spelled it out loud, that I’m not the one.

So, I’m trying hard to make that 1st date a reality, as soon as possible. As least, after that, we know in our hearts, whether it’s do-able or not. There’s so much flirting around online, it’s killing me not to be able to see her!! Or text her!! All I have is 2 beautifully taken photos…and there’s no frontal shot of it…haiz…different to gauge man.

I’m feel so handicapped without technology these days. No handphone for courtship is a killer! I’m wondering how my folks did it when their time….maybe still use telephone and make arrangements ba. It’s so simple back then, but yet they are still so happy. Haiz……I wonder when will I finally get my shot at that…??

Do I have a shot at love again?

Have been meeting amazing people of late. Namely, Nana and Feme. But Feme is the one that draws my attention the most. Kekeke…hmmm, I’m not sure if I’m being misled, but the feelings felt mutual and sincere. And if the photo is really what it is, then I’m in for a big treat, coz she’s a beauty!! ;) We are both Sagi and share the same type of humor, love peanut pancake and have digestive problems!! Hahahah…anyway, I already put the ball in her court and she seems to taken it, i.e. I’ve asked her out and she promises to work things out. Well, that’s a good sign. :)

I’m pretty sure there’s some sparks and flirting going on between us, and I really hope this relationship will flourish to something I would be proud of. It’s the 1st time I asked a girl (of her calibre) out, and she agreed. So, I guess it’s the start of good things to come. Really REALLY hope our date will come soon, coz I think I’m going crazy just by thinking all the possibility between us. One good thing is, throughout this time, I didn’t think of us breaking up (if we are together), so I guess it’s a very, very good thing. Coz I tend to deviate towards the negative part.

Couldn’t sleep last night after our conversation. Kekeke…I was so hyped up with excitement, and the prospects of meeting her just send the tingles down my spine. I rolled on my bed from 10.30pm, and finally got to lala land at 1am. It’s a good type of insomnia though…hahahah.. :p

Bad part is, she doesn’t have a handphone, so kinda hard to keep in contact with her. So, I can only pray to see her online everyday. That’s our only form of communications. But, she got my number, so let’s just see…… :) (can’t believe it that I gave her my number on our 2nd conversation!!! Sounds despo hor!! :p)

**praying hard she comes online soon and hopefully, we can arrange our date in a couple of weeks time….**

**been floating to work today…standing tall and there’s a spring in my steps. Looking confident and sharp..everything I did today, just went perfect and I couldn’t get mad at anything. :p**

A Great Fortnight...but I'm SICK of my life...

I was reading my past entries and searching for inspiration to write again. And on cue, it came. Hahahha…well, the past 2 weeks had been a hell-raiser. There’s the major event of the year, Soon’s wedding proposal, which I can proudly say, went “smoothly” as it should be. Hahahahahah…There’s hell of a preparation for us. From the scrutiny of details to making impromp-tu wet weather plans. It’s a MASSIVE project!!! Best part is, she didn’t realize it, when in the 1st place we thought she did and made a lot of changes…hahhaahah…that really made us cracked up. :p And the worst part is, I accidentally press the REC button and didn’t record the most important part of the proposal, i.e. the bended knee moment!!!!! SHIT!!! Lucky, we had 2 viewcams, if not, I would never EVER forgive myself.

Everything went well and that was really the highlight of week 36. There were the dinner dates as usual. Nothing fancy, just chat and dine. Lotsa laughter and smiles and good people. This left me wondering how long will this last. And right on, my calendar is blank for the month of September. Hahahaha…there isn’t any concrete plans marked out except for luncheon with Agnes. And besides that, I’m totally open. How I wish I can score a date with someone. At least that could bring some spice to my lonesome month. How I wish I can get that 1st date feeling of adrenaline pumping, hearting racing, back in my life…it’s soooooo hard…. :(

I wonder what it takes to score a date with someone meaningful…and if so, where can I find such people. Singaporean girls are just damn stuck up la. No wonder guys are turning their heads abroad. Don’t blame us, check out yourselves ladies…To be fair, it’s only a handful, and I’m very sure the rest of our local babes are equally great. But it’s THAT handful, that spoil market loh…aarrrgghhh!!!

I think I should stop listening to sappy Korean songs and start listening to MJ again. It’s zapping the life juice out of me!!! Feeling all emotional again…sian loh…I NEED LOVE!!!

Regrettably, I know I’m spreading my love to whoever I meet, and mostly to people who are “impossible” (but I keep meeting them!!! NOT MY FAULT!!). I think I’m so desperate to date, that I tap on anyone who interest me. I reckon that would lead to retribution…hahahahaha…well, I’m just sour that my status quo is so unreal and needs to be changed fast! And deep down, I know these people will not forsake their current lives to be with me, which I totally respect and envy. And also, deep down, I know Ms C will never go out on a date with me, even though she said, “I would love to but……” blah blah…all rubbish to me…She doesn’t wanna make empty promises and I know why, coz it will not look good on her and make her a liar. So, she’s just covering her own backside…CLEVER!!! *sssish!!!* I’m beginning to want to part ways, as things are not working out as well I wanted it to be. There’s only love from me and not from her. So, that’s what EMA is all about…I’m learning this 1st hand. It’s the 1st time the affair gets lousier treatment than the main lead. Hahahaha…movies/dramas not like that show wan leh…kekekeekek… :p

Anyway, I just hope something bright will happen in the last quarter of 09, and forget the 1st half of the year. If not, I think I would need a miracle to lift me out of this slump…as what Yati puts it, “if I can survive a divorce, I can survive anything!” hahahha…I need my babe in shining armor. WHERE ARE YOU??????

I deserve better. I need to put myself in perspective now. I need to get a grip of myself!!!!

I think I suffered quite a bit in the love life, that I warrant a bit of leeway rite??? I’m now in TWO bloody 3rd-party-position relationship, and I don’t wanna have any part of it anymore!! I’m not getting the love that I truly deserve and I’m sure that’s what YOU want me to feel right?? I get what you mean now, so please let me off the hook ya???……I’m really suffering deep inside. I know you know it, soooooooo please don’t do this to me anymore!!!!!!! I surrender myself to you now. I CAN’T TAKE THIS NO MORE……..I can’t hold this façade any longer….I’m tired and fatigued from all the faces I put up…

I need a long rest………..

The Need to Tighten the Shoe String Budget...

God’s been kind to me this week. Everything has been in my favor. All my activities went well and everyone had fun. I got my sun-kissed tan and had a great party yesterday for Soon’s birthday and also meeting up with friends for dinners and stuff. :) This will spill over to next week too, as my calendar’s been filled up fast since last week! Hahahah…I’m only left with a free day on Friday. Kekeke…I don’t know how long it will be open, but even it is does, I will need the day at home to recuperate from all that excitement and laughter. Kekekek…

Been spending a lot lately, and especially last Friday where I bought on impulse $450 worth of facial products, which will reportedly last me for 2 years…I shall see about that. :(…I’m gonna tighten the tap and budget the spending for the next 3 months. Lucky, there isn’t much birthdays to celebrate, except for Jo’s. Other than that, I reckon there wouldn’t be any major outlay. I need someone to keep a close eye on my purse strings, or else it will fly out of my pocket as fast as it’s been credited into my account. Hmmm…“hopefully”, I can cap my expenses at $500 after the usual transport and allowances. That should leave me about $600-700 of savings. I reckon that’s a fair deal ya?! *praying very hard to achieve my targets*

Another great thing that happened was learning about the correct techniques to Ultimate Frisbee. We were in awe when we saw some pros playing and the accuracy is impeccable. So, monkey see monkey do. I reckon we spent more than 6 hours imitating how they throw, and it wasn’t really smooth at first. Then came along Jess and showed us again how it is being done. And after a while, I gotta the hang of it!!! And like what they say, “the rest is history”. I’m totally SOLD by this new sport I picked up. Hahahah…I’m so hooked to it, I spent the remaining hour training on the technique. I’m super hyped up and already thinking when we should hold a Frisbee game as soon as possible!! I can’t wait anymore!! I wanna play now, as I write. Hahahah…so, I’m gonna recce where they sell this Frisbee and play as much as I can. ;) yayy!!!

Phew!! What a week…it’s been a slow week, but it gotta around pretty well. :)…hopefully this coming week will mimic last week’s fantastic run and keep this good momentum going strong.

Deeper Meaning of "I Love You"...

Had dinner with Agnes, and as promised, we had hell of a crazy evening. Kekekek…the agenda was work, our personal lives and most juicy of them all, our LOVE lives. ;) Hmmm…I have been wondering why we are so close after just 1 meeting. We literally poured our hearts out in every dinner date. I guess, there’s no need to have reason for everything…especially life. There’s mutual trust and the friendship just blossom on an accelerated speed. Faster than a Lambo @ 320kph!!!

Fri saw me met up with Soon and Jess. Gave him his birthday present of 2 choices, and he gotten the dinner + tee/business shirt. Yet to accomplish, but there’s plenty of time to carry it out till the next birthday. Kekekek…we even went to look for proposal rings as well. It’s gonna be fast and furious for him in 2010. If everything goes well, we should be expecting the red bomb in the last quarter of 2010. Feel really happy for him. I think I’m even more gan cheong after he told me his plans. Mentally, I already mapped out an outline of the things to do/not do. Hahahah…He’s my blood brother for 14 years. How not to be anxious!!?? Wedding cakes, guest list, hotel reservation, photos, wedding gifts, the list just goes on forever. So, 1 year advance planning is just nice. WE GOTTA PLAN IT NOW!!!! :p

Weekend’s been pretty packed as well. Went to buy party décor for Soon’s birthday. Pretty much gotten everything, just need to discuss with Jess on the actual day stuff, like food and timing. Oh well, it’s not the 1st time we’re doing this, but still there’s a tinge of excitement. :)…Most probably, the plan should flow like this:

10am to 3pm: Beach games & picnic
3pm to 6pm: F&E cum surprise @ hotel room!!
6pm to 8pm: dinner @ Vivo + cake
8pm till late: either games in hotel room or clubbing @ Café del Mar.

That’s how I envision, but how closely it can meet my schedule depends on the people loh. *cross fingers*

Oh ya, the most fuzzy thing I gotten this week gotta be the sound of a grand-daughter saying to her grandma, “I love You”. Somehow, my eyes were brightened up when I heard that while I’m in the toilet..kekeke..I think her granny was leaving, and the kid just screamed out through the window, “I love you, Ah Mah”. Awwww….that’s so sweet…It melted my heart when I hear that. Indeed there’s still such love around, and I believe it should be the greatest one of all!! It’s not your BGR type, which is so flimsy at times. But love like this, is hard to see or hear nowadays. I hope the Gen Z will cherish their grandparents and parents, while they are still around and learn as much as they can. It’s the best gift that they can give you.

A tear

Should it be evoked by a sad song or a sad experience? I guess, for me it’s both. Last night, when I was repeating myself for the umpteen on my regret for treating Irene that way, I could feel my eyes welling up on cue. This is the part that always (I should say, almost) brings a tear to my eyes. Whenever I talk about this, the urge to cry is always there. There is no denying on that. But I guess I was in control all this while and the tears were held back. I’m not sure when will it flow uncontrollably in public. I just can’t tell. But I reckon it will happen.

Spending all my time with the gang really helps to soothe the lonely soul. Without the companionship, my mind will bound to wander to the unknown, and God knows when will I be back to reality. For the 1st time in years, I’m afraid to be alone. I wonder what will I become after all the festivities have died down. Aloof, silent, maybe grumpy.

I’m looking forward to the 2nd half of the year bcoz of all the celebrations, birthdays, X’mas, NYE…I’m somewhat glad it’s jam packed with all these stuff. There will be months I’ll be doing nothing but blog and blog…and there will be months I’ll MIA for ages. Hahahaha…that’s when you know I’m having too much fun ;). There’s so much to be done and the hot summer sun is dying down soon. So I gotta catch it before month’s end!! And that’s when autumn sets in, and the melancholy rhythm will be heard again. Everything will be slowed down, somehow or rather. It’s like following the footsteps of an old man walking through the park, on a well trodden path, full of fallen golden maple leaves. That image is firmly etched in the back of my mind all the time. I somehow feel I’m that old man. Given all he got and yet spending his last years, walking alone. His only companion, a trusty old walking stick. There’s no one in sight but memories that filled his days and nights with the minute of joy and laughter; doing all these, on an old rocking chair.

I smirked when I see couples holding hands and showing PDA on trains, parks, malls and what have you. Honestly, I feel happy for them. Or maybe I just feel sad for myself. Being able to find a partner/companion isn’t as easy as all think. So, I always envy those who really did find their happiness and progress to start a family and enjoying the bittersweet of married life. I guess I will never experience such myriad of emotions in the years to come, or even in this lifetime. It will take a very “strong” woman to overcome my fear of commitment and the fear of the unknown. It will be HER, who will guide me through the thick and thin. It gotta be HER, who will be the pillar of strength for me, most of the times. So, it’s not that easy to find such a strong yet demure lady of my dreams. It never was, it never will, it never gonna be.

I’m pretty sure I’m getting depressed again if I were to carry on writing. But it’s the best avenue to express my deepest thoughts and vividly capturing my life experiences on this blog. Though it’s wildly imagined at times, but it feels like I’m already there in person. I’m beginning to feel like an old man in a young man’s body.

Maybe I should just become a full-time author. Inspirations were gotten from the music I heard and the emotions I felt of late. The music really brings me back years ago and years ahead at the same time. It’s amazing what a few notes can do. The human mind is a power thing. It can make a person feel like a king in 1 second, and like a destitute in another. Try exploring it when you got the time and space, and I guarantee you, you’ll not be disappointed. ;)

New Look, New Beginning??

Another week had just zoomed past. It’s one-week post-ICT. Nothing much has changed, but I’m loving the shock element I gave my agents and colleagues. Hahahah…Sharon couldn’t even recognize me!! Kekeke…I had given her that shock element, TWICE! 1st, was when I turned permanent staff. 2nd, was last Friday when I came back for the Be@m presentation. Kekekek…that was fun loh. :p With a short crop, a goatee & a darker tan can do wonders. Everyone is curious what happened to me for the past week, and the questions kept coming in fast and furious. Kekekek…I love that attention though. It makes me feel shiok and that people DO take notice of me. Low self-esteem can be sucky, so this really was a “treat” that I can enjoy, once in a while :).

The goatee’s gone, and it’s the new prim-and-proper Nick!! Short hair and smart looking. Apparently, Singaporean girls love guys with short hair, while Koreans (and the fanatics) like it long. Hmmmm…which demographics should I please??? Kekekek…how about the Japanese & ang moh? Hahahaha… :p

Loving the plans that are up-and-coming…..

There’s gonna be G.I. Joe tonight, after the bbq at granny’s.
Come Monday, will be a session of basketball.
Tuesday will be the ever-elusive dinner with Yati!!
Then Friday, will have my waxing session.
Saturday, will be holding a 1-to-1 dinner with Soon. It’s the birthday prelude dinner!!
Sunday will be AHM 21km.

Then next Saturday will be the birthday bash proper @ sunny Sentosa!!! So I’m gonna do the rain-rain-go-away prayer again…kekekek…it’s gonna be a fun-filled and packed schedule for the coming 2 weeks. This should make me less mindful of reality that has been taking up my brain space lately.

I’m really applying what I have been preaching all these years. “Take 1 day at a time.” By not thinking too far ahead, really keeps me sane. I’m trying very hard not to sway by focusing on the coming events. I’m not sure what/how I will be feeling next month, when all the events have dried up. Hmmmm…………………but that will be next month’s worries. Not now. ;)

**p.s. Agnes, I know you might be reading this, so I never forget our lunch date!!! Kekeke…I never put it in bcoz I don’t know which day are we meetin hor!! :p

4th ICT 2009

This week had been a week of reflections and gaining insight to my life, instead of doing physical exercises.

I hear the guys talk about their careers, their newly minted marriages, getting cars and flats. It’s rather sad to say the least, that I’m neither successful in either of that. My career is in limbo, no future partner in sight, and don’t even have to think of 4 wheels and a 4-room house.

For the 1st time, I’m really reflecting on what I’m gonna do with my life. Though I have a job, it’s not really a field I can excel in. I might jolly well return to shipping. It’s where the money is. I can at least be an executive or even an Assistant Manager! But my concern now is, how to climb the corporate ladder with so much in my mind. I really don’t know what the future lies. Yesterday, I told Kelvin that I’m drained out just after 7 months, and contemplating a return to my old job. The stress level and workload is really intense. Not everyone can take it. That’s why I wonder how Gimmy tahan for 2 years. It’s plain insanity! Though the money is rather good (if you are high ranking), the responsibilities is equally “good” too. Everytime got courses, seminars and conferences to attend. Siao loh..work cannot finish, still must go this, go that.

Talking about relationships and marriages. Friends are tying up the knots like tying shoelaces. Fast and sweet. And wedding albums are sprouting all over the place. Malls, papers, and even facebook!!! I WANNA GET MARRIED TOO!!! I want to have a family and kids too…sob sob.. :( I yearn for a meaningful relationship, but can’t find the correct one to start with. I even thought of reconciling with Irene, but I don’t wanna go back to the devilish part of me, uncontrollably. I wanna be fair to her, as much as I can. Somehow, she’s someone I’m spending a lot of time with lately. She’s the only one who is available and accommodate to my timing, any day of the week. That’s sweet, but I don’t wanna take advantage of that too. I even siam her for some time, so as not to rely on her. But I can’t, coz she’s the next best thing, in terms of shopping-cum-eating kaki. I just went with the flow loh. Fuck care for now..as long we’re happy, I don’t really care now. But still, I will wanna find a partner to spend intimate time with. I need genuine love/passion. I need it badly and need it fast!!

Don’t even mention about cars and flats!! I’m not even close…not even smelling it. Period!!

Haiz…it’s been a great week though. Rekindling friendship and knowing new ones. I hope this will gain momentum for me. Job wise, getting better at it. Relationship wise, getting to know a girl, of coz! And when I get these both on track, the other 2 will fall in place in 10 years time..hahahhah…

People just don’t believe I can’t score a date, and blame me for being picky. Kekeke…it’s true. I’m indeed picky. I’m critical when selecting the future mate. Everything must be perfect, but I’m learning to compromise and forgoing the ones that ain’t important. But seeing other imperfect couples, it’s even more frustrating and pek chey on not finding the babe.

@#%%^&&(*&^(**(*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*(*)&$%%#$###!@!@$%^#E%#$%!!!!!!

Someone please give me a real hug & kiss…………..

Jealousy: A Poison

Getting emotional again…by the way I’m writing, I know it’s gonna be a damn long posting of me and my twirly, whirly roller coaster ride of sian-ness. Haiz….lost my edge again. For the umpteen times, I lost interest in love AGAIN.

Last night, though was a fun outing, I couldn’t swallow it down when they tell C that tonight gonna be a baby-making night coz she drank a lot. It just not right when you hear such things. It all boils down to jealousy. But, WHO AM I TO HARBOR SUCH FEELINGS??!! At that point of time, I just wanna go home and hide myself under the sheets. I felt limp all of a sudden. I lost interest in winning money, and my laughter becomes very superficial. And to think, I have to listen to such things over the course of the night, it’s a torture!

I felt like crying bcoz, why do I have to go through all these..??!! I’m eligible enough to find a single girl, but nooooo, I have to find those with other martial status in the dictionary. I’m just a man slut!!…Throughout the night, I was just hallucinating about how I would find a nice girl, settling down and put this behind me….all the way till I reached home. But it’s still a fantasy. I think I really don’t deserve such happiness anymore. Not ever since I destroyed someone else’s. I reckon this is what you called, trials and tribulations.

It was so near, but we couldn’t even share a single word. Not even a “Hi”. It was really dumb that we had to resort to sending text to one another. Even CW shared a moment with her. And I’m even dumb enough to think I would be able to share a private moment with her, even for a few minutes in the prelude to this retreat. I was really naïve. 27 years on and still thinking there’s a prefect outcome. Where the fuck have I been all this time??!!!!!! Fairy tales don’t come true. GET A GRIP!!!

Seriously, I don’t know why I even bothered about this thingy. It’s really non-communicable, non-physical and we don’t even date!!! What kind of affair is it??!! Is there a name for it???!!!

Ya, there is. It’s called, “Get-a-life-and-get-yourself-a-woman syndrome”. In Chinese saying, simply put it…fan jian.

So this is how it feels like. A 2nd class citizen. I don’t think it’s even befitting to categorize me in that class. I’m worst than that. I’m like, 2nd class in a 3rd world country. Poor of the poorest. Totally rid of my dignity, pride and manhood. There ain’t anything worst than that.

I officially lost hope in love, and finding anyone in my lifetime. I’m sooo done with it.

Tears welling, heart aching, body quivering. Is that what I should be feeling, for being in the position I’m in now? Or should I be feeling otherwise?

I honestly need a love guru right now. hahahahah…I’m so bad in regaining my self-esteem right now, that everything is so meaningless to me at this very instance. I hadn’t had this feeling in ages. Not ever since the thought of annulling came to me. It’s a tough choice and bothered me in the months that came. This could take at least 6 months before I can regain my foothold and gain faith again. I’m so drama, but it’s true. I think Su can relate to me, perfectly. Coz she’s a drama queen too!! Kekekek… :p

If this event can’t even get us talking, I don’t know what will. It should be clear to me all along, but I just refuse to take off that blind in front of me. But now, I think I know what I should do. Doing so much, but gaining nothing. A BIG FAT ZERO. Not even a hug, let along a kiss.

Brain waves:
***stop torturing yourself Nick!!! She ain’t worth all that trouble. Focus your energy on someone who’s worth all your love and passion. Go out and meet new girls and have the guts to talk to them/date them. Have balls my friend!! Stop wallowing up in self-pity. Be a man!***

Bitching, Gossip, LOVE, Disappointed, Hatred...

This week is the BEST!!! I’m only writing bcoz it’s only the day I’m NOT having a date of sorts. Hahahah…

Monday, met up with the beloved Agnes for dinner and a eventually, it turned out to be a bitching good time!! hahaha…we poured out our life stories in the short 3 hours and gained insight on one another’s life and personality. It’s such a fuzzy feeling to have found another listening ear. Yayy!!! :) And I’ve freaking no idea why I told her so much in 1 session, that I could have told Jo in many. Kekeke….I guess, to find someone to talk to, nowadays, can be an uphill task. Everyone’s busy and buzzing with their own lives. It’s tough!!! Girls are just better listener than guys. PERIOD!!

So came Tuesday. Met up with Ben and Shang for our usual dinner and kopi session. Food’s great but the tea is a ripped off!! Hahahah…rather pay 80cents and drink at kopi tiam. :( …Anyway, just found out Ben’s gonna propose this coming October in Japan to his 1yr old girlfriend. It’s kinda fast but who am I to say, when I myself did the exact same thing 3 years back. He’s adamant and our advice just fell on deaf ears. But I guess he’s more level-headed than me, so he should know what he’s in for. And Shang, already proposed, popped a $9K diamond ring, quit his job and further his studies. Cool thing is, knowing that he’s gonna be the ONLY professor friend I would EVER make in my lifetime. Hahahahah…he’s gonna be NEO. The ONE!! The one who will make the 1st $1,000,000!!!! Hahahahah…

But on a honest note, when they told me then, I felt like I’m gonna lose another 2 more friends to marriage. They thought I’m just be emotional and paranoid, but they don’t know what the marriage thing's gonna do to them loh. Though I gave them my blessings, but deep down, I know I’ll see less of them and losing my circle of close knitted pals to this inevitable cycle of life. Another thought also came to mind. Get a girlfriend and settle!! It’s easier said than done. Somehow, I feel like a lone ranger and don’t really yearn for company, but on the other hand, keep complaining about the quality ones are already snapped up. Anyway, I’m a born contradict. Target for 2nd half of 2009 still remains the same: find me a girlfriend/companion…whatever!!

Lastly, came the mid-week delight: My bi-annual meet-up with Jo, Shan and Chrisen. We really were a rowdy bunch. We laughed and made a huge racket wherever we went. Hahahah…it was fun poking at each other, and it made us young again. The feeling of seeing old friends rekindled the kind of feeling, you can’t get anywhere. And all of us agreed. :)..I really wished time would stop for us last night. We could just talked for hours and hours. We were only let down by time and our day job. We shared interesting facts, gossips and the usual girly stuff. And Shan is our clubbing queen!!! Yayy!!! Hahahaah….she’s the grand master of cheong-ing now. Shi fu!! Kekekeek… :p

Hope that our gathering will increase in size and shorten the frequency, will ya?! 2 years is a freaking long time leh…at least make it ½ yearly man…ok?? :p

Looking forward to Friday but the special one is sick and it’s still 50/50 whether she’s going to the gathering. I’ve been longing for this day since 2 weeks back. And now she’s down with the bloody flu bug..Humbug!!! It’s just not fair!!! Why do YOU have to deprive me the only time I can see her!!??? Is it Your way of telling me to back off?? Then please get Cupid to do his job, and I shall be on my way!!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!!

I’m depressed, sad, annoyed and practically listless that I lost my mojo. Haiz….I don’t ask much, but still such a joke has to be played on me, time and time again.

I’m lost………..

ICT’s looming and to hell with it. What I’m gonna write (or thinking to write) is so anti, that I’ll be arrested if they read it. So, please use your imagination and the superlatives that I will use to describe it……..

Hoping for a more fruitful August, and the impending Halloween party that we’re gonna organize. Red indians and cowboys??? Kekeke :p

Finding a girlfriend is HARDER than finding a JOB!!!

Received a call from Yanfen last Tuesday. And guess what?! She rang just to ask me whether I wear boxers!!?? What the HELL!!??? Hahahah…I reckon it must be on sale, that’s why she rang to enquire about my size…kekeke…anymore, she told me bcoz she can’t buy for a guy friend, so I was the alternative. Oh, what the heck…I’ll wear anything that’s from the heart & FREE!!! :p

Been going back on the dot lately and I’m wondering is it a good thing or not. Work wise, it means either business’ bad or we are darn efficient. Hmmm…it’s a bit of both ba. Social wise, have been arranging dinner dates with my pals and it’s been fruitful. Exchanging experiences and gossip. It’s like renewing our friendship. It’s a great feeling and hope we can do it more often…but deep down, I know it’s gonna be tough. I don’t know when will be meet again, so it could be months or even years when we do meet up for a meaningful chat. Anyway, I don’t bother to think so far ahead.

2009 is yet to pass, and I’m already feeling I’ve been working for the longest time here. I totally enjoyed my time and the company. Everyone is great and the best time that happened. I know I know…I have repeated this over and over again. But it’s the fact!! Sometimes, how I wish someone isn’t married, and I would stand a chance to win her over. But the truth is always bitter. Why do I have to fall head over heels with the wrong status quo??!! Haiz……sometimes I even contradict myself. I yearn for affection, but yet afraid of commitment. I think I’m still not ready for a relationship yet or will I be ever ready??? This question has been ricocheting in my head for the past few weeks. I don’t know how long can I hold this man. I need a companion badly, but where/how do I get one??!! School didn’t teach me how!!!!! Hahahaha….

I seriously need a lesson on courtship. I’m really a novice in this man. All my relationships are based on friendship. I have never courted a girl out right. It’s so pai seh!!! Like what Soon told me, “..must be thick skinned..”. I guessed the reality of me remaining a bachelor well into my 30s, is soooooo real now. I’m really becoming scared now..hahahah…

My 2nd wish for this year is getting a companion or at least a close girlfriend that can blossom into something fruitful. Haiz……wish my luck folks ;)

A Great Sunday.. :)

Wah, the netball game was just the exercise I needed after 2 months of inactivity. The slack that I’d given myself is beginning to piss me off. AHM’s coming and still yet to clock the 10km mark. I think I will just die there man. Hahahaha…bloody buck up and start running again!!

Body’s slightly aching, but that’s the kind of pain I’m yearning for, for a long time. I love the aftermath of a good workout. The soreness in the muscles just makes me feel ALIVE!!! SHIOK!!!

Met up with Justin today and managed to celebrate his birthday as well. Great timing bro!! Hahahah….we went shopping and finally gotten my Pedro Oxford’s. Bloody hell, go there a zillion times but never notice that pair. Dumb ass!! Bought it straightaway but wrong size….stupid!!!! Thank God I rope in my sis to exchange it for me tomorrow…kekekek…my mind just went dumb as leather will expand after time. IDIOT!!! Anyway, it’s a great Sunday, even though it rained the whole afternoon and night. :)

My D&D ensemble is almost complete…still left with the ever-impossible-to-find brooch. Guess I really have to make a trip down to Chinatown and Bedok to find this treasure of mine. Wish me luck!!!

Report Card for 1st half of 2009

Just popped by my blog & saw that in the month of June, there’s only 1 entry…hahahaha…wayyyy below standard…kekeke :p…

My shopping trips had really taken a toil on me. Been crazily hunting down items for my D&D. Still left with the elusive crystal encrusted flower brooch that would instantly jazz up my outfit. And the most irritating part is not able to buy a pair of shoes that fits me!!! Aaarrggghh!! Got money but cannot buy. I could easily splurge on 2 pairs of Onitsukas and 2 pairs of Oxford’s, but I can’t :(….back to square one. Only left with 2 weeks and still left dangling with the missing items, it’s bloody frustrating. I don’t wanna spent my weekends shopping, and yet can’t find anything. I got better things to do loh…like swimming, seeing my granny, TV and MSN with Ms C. SHIT!!!

C and I got pretty tight lately and it’s a nice feeling but in the back of my mind, I just refused to admit this would not last. Stubbornly as I might be, both of us know the outcome will be empty, but still pursue it, regardless. She’s the one who tell me to find my own happiness, as she knows she can’t fulfill the “full” package of a partner. We both totally understand, but I guess I’m just stubborn. I just know I’m happy right now and don’t want it to end. Being single and with no love interest can be depressing and boring, so she came in at a right time, and it’s mutual. No harm done, so far. *cross fingers*. Anyway, we both agree that when the time comes for us to make a decision, then we will make it.

2009 has been great as of now, but I hope the 2nd half will be even better. Love interest would be my main concern, since I’ve secured a job. Hahahaha…Like they say, having all the money in the world, but no one to share the happiness with, is really a very sucky thing. I’m full of love and willing to give it whoever dares to cross the boundary. I’m ready for a new relationship…I’M READY FOR YOU. Bring it on!!

........but I still love my baby girl…. ;)

My grandpa had gone for 15 days and everything is pretty much back to “normal”. The mourning is over and everyone’s concentrating on my grandma’s well-being and visiting her as often as possible. Somehow the passing of my grandpa brought the family closer and I got to know my cousins even better now. So I guess, it’s a good thing….and that’s what he wanted also. :)

For the past few weeks, I’d been indulging on good food and spending readily. It’s unwise and I really gotta get back to being prudent again. I need my trusty diary to record my expenses. That should get me back on track real fast. Rich food can really clog up the arteries, you know. Hahahhahaa…bland food can also be tasty as well!! Will have to go on a cheap and good diet for the coming weeks. I’ll only allow myself to let go in the weekends, if necessary. ;)

Gotten my 1st pay cheque and the itch to spend is getting horrendous. Everything I see, I have to get it. It’s not as though I can live without it, it’s actually quite essential. Like a good selection of tees, and shoes. I really need to do a mass exodus of my wardrobe, before putting any fresh clothes in. My bar seems about to give way any time soon man. Saw some nice tees at a local designer shop @ Iluma, and Bugis Junction. It’s on sale, and it’s so damn nice!!! And shoes, so they are so darn important as well. I totally need brown loafers and Oxford’s. Those will really complete my look!!

Lowdown:

Tees:
1. Iluma – 3 for $45
2. Bugis Junction - $35 per piece…about 3 required.

Shoes
1. Pedro
- brown loafers for $93
- brown Oxford’s for $126
- grey Oxford’s for $123.

I could easily spend $600 today. Just one trip!!! But taken account of my free-spending ways these few days, I decided to pull the reins and reconsider. It’s a huge outlay and I think I’ll feel the pinch. Maybe I would need MORE criteria tagged to my selection before opening my wallet. Thank God I don’t have much of a shopping mood and splurge today, if not I would have bought the brown Oxford’s back. :p

Oh ya, the biggest change is to my D&D outfit. Most probably going the geek chic way. And also bcoz after some great suggestion from my friends. So, geek chic it is!! So, that will need additional attire and will set me back by a neat sum. Hopefully I can do it within a $100 budget. :)

Items required:
1. black rimmed glasses
2. black or grey vest
3. maybe a hair setting session @ a salon

I can do w/o the salon, but I would need lotsa gel man…way lot!! Kekekeke…

Anyway, that’s what been happening for the past month or so…keep on reading for more updates.. ;) I’ll do so if I’m not busy on weekdays…I’m doing OT every single day, so pray hard I’m free..kekekeek…

Ciao!!

Shocking News!!!

Had the biggest shock yesterday when I read the emails. MT is gonna be promoted!! WHAT THE HELL!!?? On what grounds, may I ask??!!…to me, he’s just slack and knows when to do what, that’s all. Maybe he’s a ball sucker, so that’s why. Maybe, just maybe it’s bcoz of his capabilities, which I couldn’t see, that projected him into the managerial position.

Anyway, that’s just the beginning of this snowball. The repercussion leads to Gimmy redeploy back to HQ, and me holding the fort in time to come. Even KG will only be there for once or twice a week. Oh man, what news when the excitement of new working partner is still so raw. The thought of rotating staff is so enticing that, as fast as it comes, it died down fast too. It’s a BIG BLOW to me loh. I thought I would have lunch kaki, but now it seems that I would have to lunch-in for the time I’m working here. Haiz…….sian…..it’s tough working when there’s help around. Imagine when there isn’t any. It will be a mental house, I tell you. I reckon my OT claims will be so high, it could make up 50% of my pay!! And it will be all too easy to hit that target.

I enjoy the time I share with Gim, and the working relationship we had built over the last months. We had everything going for us…and this just have to happen. Well, in a career prospects viewpoint, it’s a good move for both and I should congratulate them. But on a personal level, I just wish he didn’t have to move back. We both share the same mindset, i.e. workaholics, and share the same chemistry. I’m still skeptical whether I can form a great partnership with KG, but time will tell and I hope I’m prove wrong….really, I really hope so..

Finding Love at the Wrong Places

I don’t know what got into me lately. Involving myself with unrequited love is just a big no-no. Though deep down, I can sense there’s a tinge of liking of me to her, the status quo is just impossible. Why am I always getting myself in such predicament? It’s like forcing a square block into a circle jigsaw. It’s just silly!! The correct thing to do is to back off and change my target. Somehow I just have a thing for girls who aren’t single. I JUST CAN’T EXPLAIN IT. I don’t purposely find them. They just appear in my life. We ended up acquainted and become close friends. That’s good, but my over-zealous of spreading love just isn’t in control all the time. Spreading to the wrong person is just a waste of time, but I can’t help it!

The fact that I’m single and no one to inject my love into, makes me wanna find someone close and spoil her silly. I know there’s not gonna be any outcome, but I still do it nonetheless. People might ask me why waste time and should change to more viable targets, but the fact is, there isn’t any targets available!? And in Singapore, it ain’t easy to find someone I’m comfortable with and have loads to talk about. It might come to a point that I may have to join the SDU, find a foreign bride or stay single all my life. It’s not impossible, by the way things are churning out.

Honestly, after the 1st marriage, I’m afraid of commitment already. Having to face up in-laws and her relatives, ain’t gonna be an easy task. It’s the rite of passage, but it ain’t gonna work for me anymore. I can’t be hypocritical for the sake of things. I’m just like that. I don’t like to entertain people whom I have no dealings with and often wants my respect. I can’t do that. If you want me to get a girl with conservative background, I will definitely think twice about marrying her. I’ve done that, and don’t want to repeat it again. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s just not my “cup of tea”. Marriage is not a union of 2 persons, it's a union of 2 families and its extended family. Think about it, people.

Having too much affection to give, who should I give to and still receive it back in kind?? I’m in a lost. How I yearn for a relationship, but all the nitty gritty details of courtship is just sickening to the core. If things can be simpler, all will be too easy and I’ll never gonna cherish her. I’m such a contradict! I’m even pissed off with myself at times. I don’t even know what I want. Such a letdown at times. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!!!???

Like they always say, “Have girlfriend also headache, no girlfriend also headache”. Hahahah…people or should I say, man, is also very fickle minded. When they have it, they complain. And when they don’t, they also complain. Such a wuss. I think I fit in perfectly in this category. Hahahaha…

Now that I’ve a job, my mind automatically channels my energy to finding a mate. I reckon it’s hardwired in our hard-drive. It’s instinct. When you have food, you will want to find a mate. It’s the same in the modern times. When you have a stable job, the next progression is getting a wife. It’s that simple. Basically we don't deviate too much from our ancestors 2 millions ago.

I don’t know about the future, and I don’t wish to know. But I truly hope there’s a silver lining for me to look forward to in years to come. I know deep down, I do yearn for companionship, especially when the surrounding people are tied down with their careers and family. It’s a natural progression. I don’t and can’t blame them. They are just heeding the call of nature to reproduce. I do hope SHE can come sooner than later, kill my boredom and let me feel loved again.

Maturity vs Cuteness

This week has been great so far. And it can only get better. :) I guess after dishing out the “orientation pack” (the name that my Auntie Irene gave for the sweets I gave) to my colleagues, that should strengthen the bond between them and me. And I totally love that idea!! Giving joy now has just become my priority…hahahhaah…I felt so relieved and delightful after doing that deed. It’s like I’m floating. Deep down, I’m just glad my integration into the team is quite seamless, thanks to my auntie and Gimmy. Both should have bridge the gap for me, so I’m very happy to have them as my mentors. :)

I saw Miss Japan again and the femininity she eluded proved that, once again I’m attracted to maturity than cuteness. It’s the old age question of maturity vs youth. I can’t explain it, but I keep attracting older women and I totally have a thing for them. It’s the aura of maturity and ageing (sometimes it’s the wrinkles that add to the whole look…laugh lines can be sexy too) that keeps me from wanting them. It’s like a drug and you can’t kick it away. Cuteness can only bring you so far, but to be mature and able to hold oneself, that’s not every girl can. So if I come across any of them, I’m totally in awe and worship them…hahahahaha…

GOOD week and I’m TOTALLY looking forward to the weekend!!! Yayyy!!! So much to buy and check out…here’s the list and you might want to give some suggestions.. :)

1. Jacket for D&D (buy or rent…)
2. Brown Oxford’s
3. Brown loafers
4. Brown belt
5. Cuffed shirt (yellow, pink, white…)

Think that’s enough for this week…and I should check out Tampines 1 next week!! Swee!!!

Happy Mother's Day?

This time round, my forgetfulness has really done the deed. I've forgotten my colleague's mum had passed away and still wished her, Happy Mummy's Day and that she must be having a great time with her....WHAT THE FUCK!!!! That was the 1st reaction I gave myself when I realised it...What stupidity loh...she might think I'm super insensitive, but I swear I didn't do it on purpose. Long time friends who know me, knew that I have short term memory..so they can vouch for me. I hope my friendship with my colleague has not been jeopardised bcoz of that, even though she didn't blame me for it.

Since afternoon, I've been feeling very bad about the whole incident. I felt like an ass!! I swear I'll forever remember this day and keep it firmly etched in my mind. Stupid brain!!!.... :(

Wrinkles & Dry Skin

I think this posting gonna kill all my readers out there. My mum said I got wrinkles, and I have more than her when I smile!!! Hahahahaha….She said bcoz I’m losing weight all that fats have been displaced and nothing filled the void, so the lines are super obvious. Kekekek…I just told her I’m showing signs of wisdom. Hahahahahah….Anyway she’s right lah. Do you ever see a fat person with wrinkles?? No rite…so it’s just plain obvious.

Another thing is, during dinner, my auntie commented that my skin is dry and need moisturizer and sunblock. Wah!!! Like that she also can tell. Power loh!! I reckon it’s bcoz of my Saturday’s swim that made it even obvious. But then again, she got a point. So, I said I’m gonna moisturize and apply sunblock religiously from now on….except when I swim and exercise. Kekekeke :p it’s such a hassle to apply all those yucky stuff on my face. I’m an au naturel guy, so putting those stuff makes me feel very eeky. YUCKS!!! Anyway, if it’s just moisturize and sunblock, then that I can do. :)

I’ll be a good boy from now on… :p listen to your mummy and you’ll never go wrong. Happy Mummy’s Day!!!

The Induction Week

This has been a hell of a week. Ever since I turned permanent on Monday, I’ve been super busy. It’s as if the last 4 months is just an illusion and what comes after that is the true test of grit and perseverance. I’ve been doing OT almost every single day. Though I’m not complaining, but I’m wondering how much longer can I take this. I didn’t know what I’m in for when I signed the papers. The workload was easier, but after I signed on the dotted line, it seems that the magical moment has burst and welcome to misery. Hahahah… :p haiz……don’t know whether to smile or cry. Oh well, I’ll take it as a challenge and see how far I can push myself. Just like how I completed my last 2 marathons.

LET’S DO IT!!!!

And when the stress kicks in, the yearning for alcohol heightens. Gotten my fix with Charles and what a relief it was. Beer and fried chicken wings…yummy!!! Doing this once a fortnight could do the trick for me. Any more than that, I will go broke. Kekekek… :p

BOING BOING...

My adidas Cumulus just went BOING-ing away when I laced them up. Bloody hell, I felt that I’m bouncing on a ball!!! It gave me the headaches for the 1st 2.5km and after which, I slowed down my pace to minimize the BOING-ing. It’s plain crazy!! Hahahah…shouldn’t have bought such high cushioning type. Maybe my next shoe will be a mixture of stability and cushioning…I think that should do it. :)

Walking Upright Again..

Done and dusted. Finally after 7 arduous months without a job, it came full circle and offered a permanent job in my current company. The 1 person I must truly thank (from the bottom of my heart) is my senior, Gimmy. I reckon, without his persistent recommendation, I wouldn’t have gotten it on my own merit. Ever since I was told I would not be offered this role, months ago, I had already given up…except for him. That’s why I’m really grateful to have met such a great colleague and now, a friend.

God must have given me a benefactor, in the shape of Gimmy, to help me tide through these tough times. And indeed it does soothe the occasional mental breakdown and his on-going encouragement has really helped tremendously. What made yesterday a great day was, I’m offered 2 jobs in a space of a few hours. And today, a possible 3rd. I’m really flattered that people are seeing me as a hard-worker and able to contribute consistently. Especially I was touched and humbled that the previous offer I turned down, was actually impressed during my 1hr time with them and on the spot offered me. If that is not good enough, when I rejected them today, the manager even called, hours later, to offer me the job with open arms if I were to change my mind. Suddenly I’m at the top of the world, and for no apparent reason! Life can be playing a trick on you and the highs and lows can have devastating effect on one’s sanity.

And instead of floating upwards after signing the letter, I told myself to be composed and keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. I guess it’s becoz I’d gone through so much that I only want to work hard and have a simple life. All that raw excitement has to be placed in the backseat for the time being.

I’m just glad I get a decent job and able to provide for my family again. That has always been my proudest moment, i.e. to be able to contribute to the daily expenses and take care of my family. I guess that’s what pushed me to get a job on a permanent basis.

And maybe becoz some romance has been flying around the atmosphere that made my luck changed for the better. Good vibes have been coming off the right way and hence portraying me in the right/good light. But no matter what is the cause, I’m sure glad to have a job in this time of need. Indeed.

Nothing else matters more than drawing a salary and resuming my dignity to its rightful place. A man with no job is like a pugilist without his skills. He’s crippled and forever unable to stand tall with his head held high. That’s the feeling I have for the past ½ year. I feel so small and unwilling to walk the streets, fearing that I would bump into familiar faces, and not knowing what to say when asked about my current status quo. To me, I’m just ashamed to face it, but it’s still a decent job and revealed it nonetheless. It’s difficult to walk among people when you’re jobless. Your confidence takes a beating and your self-esteem just went from 0 to another record low. It’s off the charts!

I’m not sure if anyone reads my blog, but I would just wanna give thanks who have supported me throughout this ordeal and help me tremendously and keeping me sane. I swear I would have gone to depression if I were without these people. But I’m sure my willpower isn’t that bad either. Kekeke…Positive thinking does really helps to keep your sanity in check. Without that, my mind would definitely give way months back.

Uni Degree: Necessary or Junk??

Is getting a university degree easier now than compared to 7-8yrs ago? I feel there’s a tinge of YES in my mind. Coz everyone is taking this paper qualification and passing it without breaking a sweat. Or maybe the institutions that they enrolled themselves in, are of sub-standard quality? Or maybe, just maybe, that I underestimated myself and my learning capability?? Kekekek…I beg to differ but really, maybe I’m really that stupid. :p

Even Justin is contemplating to taking his Masters next year, which I feel it’s a good thing but not necessarily useful if you’re not successful in your job. You may be over-qualified for that position that you so dearly wants, but you are deemed “too good” for it. That’s why getting such a high level of education may defeat the purpose, unless you really are interested in the course of studies, then yes, please do ahead and satisfy that thirst for knowledge. Unless you’re hungry for success in the corporate life, then getting that cert is important to ease your way up the ladder. Coz I always feel that you can’t have a clerk holding a Masters while his boss is only diploma, right??!! That’s the case in my previous job. But then again, they will argue that experience counts. So, my point is, getting experience is more relevant in the working life than chasing paper.

You just have to weigh the pros and cons. If you feel you need this to succeed, then you have my utmost support…but if not, then getting a Bachelor is more than suffice in the working world…at least in our time. 10, 20yrs down the road, it might be a different case altogether.

Picturesque!!!

Wasting a perfectly good day is a SIN!! And today is 1 of them. The blue sky, the bright green flora as backdrop is so vivid and vibrant that I wish that scene could just stand still forever. It’s so picturesque. But, I just couldn’t bring myself out of the house!! Hahahah…lazy me.. :p The weather’s best to go for a swim, a jog or just laze around in the sun @ Fort Canning Park!! I even thought of going to Bedok Reservoir to get some shots of the beautiful water feature. If I could get a companion, I would go straight away. :)

So sayang…………

A Pack of Ciggies???

Gotten help from the least expected places….through Facebook from my secondary school classmate. The thing is, we hardly had anything to say to each other then. There were definitely less than 10 words we conversed during our 2 years in lower sec. But still, she offered to help when she saw my “distress” signal via my heading. That was so so sweet/nice and definitely HEART WARMING (I think it’s my 2nd or 3rd time using this word in consecutive days).

Alice was the last person I knew who would lend a hand. We weren’t close then (for sure) and we only got in contact like few months ago. So, I really appreciate her help….from way deep down. I also had friends like YS to send his regards and the latest to join the bandwagon was Xiao Long. I guess it’s really comforting to know that people do care about people; no matter how minute the offering was, it’s the gesture and thought that put into it. That’s huge enough for me. And oh ya, Su. She’s 1 hell of a supporter too. Hahhaha…I was always there for her listening to her shit and stuff and the time had finally came for her to do the same for me, and she promptly did it, w/o me asking. And that’s COOL. *pump fist to the heart*

Lately, I’ve likened my state to the current economy. I was doing very well for the past 3 years until the bubble burst in Sept 08, and everything went downhill from there. It’s EXACTLY the replica of what the economy is right now. There’s always bad news every single hour. You hear it everywhere; news, radio, word of mouth. It’s practically in the air we breathe. There’s no escaping. So I’m just praying hard traces of recovery can be sighted soon, so maybe my own luck will do the same concurrently. Hahahaah…it’s funny but I think it’s related. You cannot be lucky all the time, but similarly, you cannot be suay all your life. There’s yin and yang, and the balance must almost be met in life. So, I’m just waiting for that day to come...

Shout out to all you guys out there who showed your care/concern. Really appreciate it…every single drop of it. Love ya guys!!

I hope I can get out of this rut faster and emerging a stronger person. I really do. Hope that time will come soon.

Meeting my Dream Girl

Remember the time when you get so much forwarded texts that you get sick of it? I knew I was. But that was about 7-8 years ago, when everyone is banging on the technology to send their greetings/jokes/rumors. It’s still is now. Just that, I don’t receive it until my colleague sent me yesterday. It felt like a gazillion years ago when I received my first ever forwarded text. Hahahah…In the past, I would think the people who created those texts must be either too free or damn happy people. But now, after so long, it’s nice and heart-warming to receive one again. It felt like someone does care about your well-being, be it whole-heartedly or hypocritically….when it needed most. It still meant something. At least they bother to send. :)

Another happy thing to note today is, I saw my dream Japanese girl again. She lived opposite Tiong Bahru Plaza. So whenever I waited for the shuttle, I might have the chance of seeing her. Today on my way back, I saw her!! That really made my day. She’s all what I want in a prefect woman. Slender, long locks of flowing hair, mesmerizing eyes and those irresistible pluckers. Her demeanor is so captivating, her every move is so precise and always wearing a smile on her face, all the time. She’s at least into her 30s and possibly married. But I’m always attracted to mature ladies for some reason. I guess it’s the femininity that made me head over heels. It’s like aged wine. Awwwwww….the feeling you get is, you wish you can protect her with all your life, even means dying for her. You know that feeling?? It’s the first time I have such strong feeling for someone I don’t know..!? kekekek…what irony…I guess, I should get myself a Japanese wife somehow or rather. :p

p.s. doesn’t mean I’m giving up my ang mohs ok…kekeke :p

2009 Analogy

每人年年进步, 但我却年年退步.

每人年年越做越好, 但我却越来越糟!!!

No more Self-Worth........

I’m think I’m crazier if I don’t get crazy at the circumstances I’m in right now. Jobless and losing self-worth is getting to me again. I can’t stand myself anymore at my past actions. The stupid things that I had done to get myself in this mess. It’s total horrid. I got a perfectly good job and ever-compliant wife, but I gave them all up, just bcoz people say “you should job-hop to get your pay increase, faster!”…and the wife part, is all onto me, no one else to blame. All is rubbish.

I threw away a perfectly good life and end up doing part time job for $7/hr. I can’t blame anyone just bcoz I’m too trusting or too stupid to evaluate my god-damn life. I was so good at my job and I have the backing of so many people there, but I gave it all up bcoz of a “step upwards”?? Bullshit!!!! It’s XXX who bloody tell me the company wouldn’t consider increasing my pay, just bcoz 8yrs ago, they didn’t do so for XXX…but it didn’t come onto me that it might be different for me!!??? Why am I so STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! Such a nincompoop!!!!

I even have to resort to begging my old job back, but still sabotaged by other useless/backstabbing people, or else I would be back there within a week!! Whatever I say now is futile, and I can’t turn back time. So all I can do is rant my frustrations here and get on with my miserable life.

Everyone thinks that I’m not anxious/nonchalant about getting a job soon. They really think I’m still so laid-back as before and smile my way through life now?? They are so damn ignorant!!!! They thought they knew me, but they know nuts about me. My acting must be good though, giving them the wrong impression. Coz there’s really nothing they can do about it, even if I give them a grumpy face every single shit day for the past 7 months, right?? If they can, I’m more than obliged to do that to satisfy their ego.

I’m not asking for much. I just want a job to get my life back together again. Is it that difficult???!!! Is that too much to ask??!!! Why no fucking one wants to give me a chance???!!!!!! At least I’m a uni grad, with 3 yrs working experience…doesn’t that count one FUCKING BIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the way home, I even contemplating whether to turn to a life of monkhood and serve the people, like all great men before me. People like Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Theresa are worth following and learnt, rather than Donald Trump and Bill Gates. I rather see a smile on an ailing man than sucking them dry of their paycheck with my proposed products/properties. What has this world come to??? I’m becoming more and more disillusioned about the last 27yrs that had past, and more importantly, how will the next 27 more years that were to come??? Will I still be a jobless wreck, still playing cool and laid-back or living comfortably with my cosy family??? It’s becoming a blur all of a sudden. Without a job, I cannot see my future. Without a future, there is definitely no self-worth.

Maybe You need me more, so can You please take me away now???!!!! End my sufferings!!!!! Let me spread your teachings to a wider audience through their dreams and thoughts. At least that will bring me joy and tranquility.

2 days of feasting and for no apparent reason!!

These 2 days had been really enjoyable. 2 days of sun and fun and the outcome, a golden tan that is long overdue. Kekekek…miss the days of swimming and in on Saturday, I finally got to complete 1.5km. Though it’s not enough, but that should do for the time being. :)

Had been gorging myself with good food and drinks for the past 48 hours!! I’m so stuffed everyday, I wish I could vomit them all out and be more selective of my choices. Hahahah…that sounds disgusting but that’s the whole truth. Kekeke…I’M SO FULL!!! Think I’ll detox over this week before embarking for another foodie trip in KL on Friday. Need to take in more veggies and fruits man…and water!!! Have been indulging too much le, need to be a good boy now…if not, I’ll never gonna succeed in my running regime for the next couple of months…no more temptations!!! PLEASE!!! Kekeekek…

*cross fingers*

Nightmares & Asking a Girl Out...which is Worst???

Had 2 very bad nightmares few nights ago. It’s so scary I woke up sweating. The only 1 I can recalled is, having acid eroded teeth after drinking Sprite earlier on in the day (which also happened in the dream). My dreams are so vivid it can span over days!!! I’m HORRIFIED!!! The 1st thing I thought of doing when I woke up was to make an appointment with my dentist…!! Hahahaha…

Scare the shit out of me man…haiz…thank God is not real. :)

Another thought that ran through my mind was not having enough guts to ask a girl’s number. It's my 1st time!!! I NEVER ASKED FOR A NO BEFORE..!!! I guessed I’m those who bark-but-don’t-bite kinda person. The girl was really sweet and had a killer body…I just gotta have to ask her out, but at crunch time, I failed….oh well, I’m not the gung-ho type so don’t act like one. Anyway, the feeling doesn’t feel right either. There’s no butterflies flying and there’s an inner voice telling me it wouldn’t work out either way….

Then how the hell I’m gonna find a partner!!!??? I’m out of school and out of work…so where to find??!!! Hahahah…and Facebook girls are just so dao!! I reckon I have to be contented with porn for now..hahahahaha…back to normality man, back to the 1 love I grew up in….SPORTS. She wouldn’t desert me for another man and will always be so inviting. ;)

I'M SO GOING TO AUSTRALIA!!

I’M SO GOING TO AUSTRALIA!!….Canberra, Perth & Sydney. Just saw the rerun of a travel log hosted by Darren Lim and I feel so attracted to the place already!!! This gives me another reason to go there asap!! Followed by visiting my beloved couz, Yanfen in Perth and army mate, Beng Seng in Sydney. Awwww……there is this fuzzy feeling that pulls you in. It’s AMAZING. I NEED to go there!!! I might even stay there, if I have a job there..kekeek…it’s just beautiful. The weather, the serenity, the nature. It’s just gorgeous. There’s no words in my vocabulary can describe what I saw. It’s totally the perfect place you want to raise a family in. :)

June is out of the question, coz it’s winter and December just seems so far away… :( sob sob….anyway, this will be etched in the back of my mind for a long time. If I were to travel for a few weeks, Aussie will be my 1st destination. Then again, I’ll have to re-look into my budget…hahahah.. :p

It's ME all over again.. :)

Pushed myself to run and not let my lazy bones take over. I need to run to have my nasi lemak breakfast today with Gimmy. Hahahah…need to burn off those extra calories before stuffing myself down with all that yummy rice, chicken wing and sambal chilli!!! Yummy!!! And that was only breakfast!!! Lunch was chicken rice @ Redhill. It was ok but bcoz I was so damn full (even had gastrics bcoz of that) , I didn’t finished… :p

So, today was just about eating and more eating. Met Su for dinner and eat again..hahaha…had ramen…so was STILL ok la. Just nice. :) Was busy as usual for the past don’t-know-how-many-weeks but still loving it…kinda getting too comfortable here that I keep forgetting that it’s only temp! Yeks!! Gonna send out some resumes soon once I’m done with my PGI. Keep telling myself that every single day in order not to lose focus…coz I need the money for a gazillion reasons…shopping, traveling, nice dinners, buffets, clubbing…n the list just goes on…………………………………….

Red Blood Cells RENEWAL..

After months of MIA, I managed to lace up and hit the road. And the feeling was FANTASTIC!!!!!! I felt rejuvenated and totally clear in my head. That’s the high I’m looking for after out in the cold for so damn long. It felt good to be able to run again. For once in my whole sporting life, I thought that was it. The BIGGIE. The Achilles heel that brought me grounded for good, was terrifying. Thank God, the physio said it’s showing signs of recovery and only then was I relieved.

6 months of inactivity and the phobia of injuring it again, really sends some nerves shaking when I took my 1st few steps. But after a distance, I knew I’m BACK!!! What came rushing through my head was the possibility of registering the remaining events for 09. Hahahah…maybe I’m too far ahead for my feet. But for sure, I’m not gonna miss the Vertical Marathon and SCM this year. Hell NO!! Gonna plan my training regime in weeks to come and build that rock hard body back. This year’s gonna be GREAT again!! Kekeek ;) I just can’t hide my elation!! I’m ECSTATIC!! For a sportsman not able to do what he was born to do, is just plain torturing. Now I can fully understand how the pros feel when they are hesitant to play after a long injury lay-off. It’s human nature man. If another serious injury hits them again, their careers might be over, worst still, they might be paralysed or bed-ridden.

Phewwww…the feeling of the sun and sweat rolling down felt good. And the cold bath after that just makes it even more shiok!! Well, I guess this week is getting off to a great start. Best part is, I finished studying for my PGI..Yahooo!!!! Play time!!!!

p.s. time to get my new pair of shoes, full length tights and cap!!

p.p.s I think if I never change some of the words, I might used many "great"s!!! hahahah...but it's a GREAT word to use!!! kudos to the inventor of this word ;)

12th Feb 09.

12th Feb 09. It’s a date that I’ll never gonna forget. It’s the day that I crash my head into my glass cabinet. It’s way cool but I ain’t gonna do that again, unless it’s tempered glass. Hahahah…just wanna note this down for my future amusement. :p

A cut eye, a bruised brow and minor cuts were my victory rewards. Who say you can’t look good like Rocky?! It brings my analogy of manhood to another level, i.e. plain silly but awfully sexy. Kekekek…this beats bungee jump anytime!!

Feb 09: Month of Partying and Emotional Roller-Coaster.. :)

Didn’t blog for a few weeks and it didn’t even bother me that much anymore. Maybe I’m always out partying ever since the start of Dec 08 that the mood is maintained at that level for the longest time. CNY has been good and my gatherings with ex-colleagues and friends were AWESOME!! There wasn’t 1 weekend that I was alone, so that’s good news to me. Apparently, yesterday I made a last minute dash to make an appointment with my friends and THANK GOD they obliged..hahahhah…I need to keep the momentum going ma… :p

Met up with Su and she’s looking good but kinda off-color in a way. Feel for her man…she’s exactly the replica of Irene (emotional wise). They are both girls with an ever-forgiving heart and they don’t ask for much. So they suffer the most, sometimes physically (definitely not abuse, but lesser hugs and kisses or even holding hands) and definitely mentally. That alone can kill someone. Anyway, I really hope she could heed my advice and get on the road to recovery soon. The faster she do this, the lesser the pain it will be. It’s gonna be sharp, but it will be shorter. I know that, coz I went through shit as well.

The past 2 weeks...The Enjoyable 2 weeks...

Life’s going strong for me. I’m like living the life that I thought I would like during my secondary school years. Carefree, happy with no worries. But I guess it’s different now that I’m at that age, whereby I’m suppose to support my parents and family. It’s tough and maybe I’m just putting on a brave front, and I’m damn good at doing that!! hahaha…

I couldn’t spend as before, but I know I’m happier. Have been more sociable of late; meeting my godsister, Agnes and going out with my not-so-close ex-colleagues. So maybe I’m changing, or evolving?? Changing for the better, of coz. I feel more at ease with myself, less conscious of my appearance, more inviting when meeting new people. You know what I mean? It’s like euphoria and it keeps building up. It’s way cool!!! :p To put the icing on the cake, I register for an insurance exam to let me be available for work in that industry. Is that out of this world or what!!??? In the past, I definitely will not do that, but given the situation I’m in now (and I love my job), I just give it a try. No harm done. Extra cert will do me good. Hahahaha…

Seeing my packed schedule, I’m feeling a sense of fulfillment and the hustle is doing me good. Lesser unnecessary thoughts in my mind and more useful actions. I reckon this will keep me going for a while, or until the festivities die down. Kekekeke…anyway, what the heck!!

Girlfriends vs Girlfriends

I keep attracting the wrong types of girls. I kept meeting girls who make great “girlfriends” but not girlfriend material. OH MY GOD!! I’m not itching to get myself back into a relationship, but I’m just wondering why. It’s fun to have more girlfriends around to hang out with and bitch about people, but it’s also stimulating to have girlfriend material lurking round the corner. The forces of our love ain’t blowing my way yet, and I’m not asking for it…at least not now. Anyway, just bumped my way into 2 girls’ “girlfriend list” in 2 weeks!! It’s nice to be in that list, but I’m might turn gay overtime!! Hahahah…if this carry on, I might just be. Kekekek… :p

My mojo’s still there but the bitchy side of me creeps out from time to time without me knowing, especially when I get hot on a topic. That side of me sure to surface! I love my girlfriends and it’s beginning to grow in size. Maybe that should be another resolution for 09. kekekeek… :p Being around girls is just more fun. You’ll have something special that you can’t get from hanging out with the blokes. I can’t explain it but it’s very comfy and fuzzy. Makes me all girly when I’m with them. :p

2009!!

It’s the 1st entry of the year and I wanna make it a BLAST!! Last 2 weeks had been crazy as hell. Festivities were all around the corner and there’s no escaping. Booze, good food, party dates were the main agenda for all. Good vibe were everywhere and spirits were lifted from this economic downturn. Though moments of despair catches on with me from time to time, I tried not to let it get to me…at least for that 2 weeks. The full blown recession hasn’t reached yet, but the gloom is already very clear. I think I gotta embrace it with the best of my capability and mental strength, in order to pull this through. Job postings are fewer and far between. Like what Soon said, maybe I should try to venture out of my industry and seek employment elsewhere. But I already did!!! Applied for a few government sector jobs, now awaiting for their calls. Well, I’ve already done my part, and now it’s God’s part to turn on his magic.

Enough said of the gloomy stuff, it’s getting to me as I write. Well, NYE was a HUGE success given the last minute arrangement we made at 6pm!! Hahahah…to give some incentive for the West side kids, we headed to Wala Wala, and we didn’t regret it. I reckon it’s even better than celebrating in town. The crowd would have stampeded us all over the place. The food was surprisingly great and cheap booze too. I’m beginning to love 1-for-1 all over again! Hahahha…and there’s MORE. We were given party hats, poppers and other stuff in a gift box while we were there. Isn’t that GREAT!!?? We saved on that as well…it was totally worth it!! Even before the night was over, I was already suggesting we make more trips down here in the future!!! The atmosphere was wild, the crowd was fanatic, and the staff was obliging (we took photos with them!!) too!!! What more can we ask for!!?? For half the price, and twice the fun, who wouldn’t want to visit Wala Wala again..WE WOULD!!!

Coz there’s so many pubs/clubs there days, that the heartland businesses got affected, which is good for us on occasions like these. There’s definitely a shorter queue and finding seats weren’t a problem. And we went down at 10.30pm!! So, it was great. Normally in the past, Wala Wala would be overflowing with people by then, but I guess most of them head down to Clarke Quay, St James and Dempsey for the celebration..well……….GOOD FOR US. The funny thing is, after the countdown, immediately I saw people leaving. SO FAST!!!?? That to me was a funny sight. At least stayed on for a drink or two ma…Anyway, the pub closes at 2am, so we left at 1 and headed to a prata shop to sober ourselves up. Kekekek…

We ain’t drunk but still we got high on the atmosphere. Everyone was in high spirits and we had games which forfeit was to take photos with fellow party revelers. Hahahah…it was FUN!!! We did something we wouldn’t do in the past and it was liberating in a sense. We did something new and I guess that’s what life is all about. Discovering new stuff, doing it and enjoying the process :).

The New Year started off pretty well and I’m hoping to build on it and eventually holding a job in the coming month or two. That’s my main resolution for 09. Get a job and buckle down to business. It’s been a while, since I experience some hectic in my life. Hahahah…I enjoy the hustle and bustle of work life. It makes me feel ALIVE and USEFUL. Now when friends asked what I’m doing now, I rather shy away then reveal full details. The self esteem is gone and I want to capture it back sooner rather than later. Lately, many things have opened up my perspective on life and how it should be run. I try to incorporate it into my own and be less skeptical of myself. Let it flow and deal with it when it comes. Life ain’t so bad when you look around you. And money isn’t everything but life experience is. It’s more valuable for the soul than money can do. I was watching rerun of this local drama, Sense of Home, and I’m inspired to just leave home and explore what the world can offer me. I know it sounds very irresponsible and drama, but isn’t what life is all about??!! I felt free inside me when I thought of that. even though I can’t have the monetary comfort, but I know I gain a lot more elsewhere. Very hippy thinking rite…hahahha…

Phew, what a freaking long entry!!! Not gonna say anymore. It can go on forever…Happy 2009!!