The Need to Tighten the Shoe String Budget...

God’s been kind to me this week. Everything has been in my favor. All my activities went well and everyone had fun. I got my sun-kissed tan and had a great party yesterday for Soon’s birthday and also meeting up with friends for dinners and stuff. :) This will spill over to next week too, as my calendar’s been filled up fast since last week! Hahahah…I’m only left with a free day on Friday. Kekeke…I don’t know how long it will be open, but even it is does, I will need the day at home to recuperate from all that excitement and laughter. Kekekek…

Been spending a lot lately, and especially last Friday where I bought on impulse $450 worth of facial products, which will reportedly last me for 2 years…I shall see about that. :(…I’m gonna tighten the tap and budget the spending for the next 3 months. Lucky, there isn’t much birthdays to celebrate, except for Jo’s. Other than that, I reckon there wouldn’t be any major outlay. I need someone to keep a close eye on my purse strings, or else it will fly out of my pocket as fast as it’s been credited into my account. Hmmm…“hopefully”, I can cap my expenses at $500 after the usual transport and allowances. That should leave me about $600-700 of savings. I reckon that’s a fair deal ya?! *praying very hard to achieve my targets*

Another great thing that happened was learning about the correct techniques to Ultimate Frisbee. We were in awe when we saw some pros playing and the accuracy is impeccable. So, monkey see monkey do. I reckon we spent more than 6 hours imitating how they throw, and it wasn’t really smooth at first. Then came along Jess and showed us again how it is being done. And after a while, I gotta the hang of it!!! And like what they say, “the rest is history”. I’m totally SOLD by this new sport I picked up. Hahahah…I’m so hooked to it, I spent the remaining hour training on the technique. I’m super hyped up and already thinking when we should hold a Frisbee game as soon as possible!! I can’t wait anymore!! I wanna play now, as I write. Hahahah…so, I’m gonna recce where they sell this Frisbee and play as much as I can. ;) yayy!!!

Phew!! What a week…it’s been a slow week, but it gotta around pretty well. :)…hopefully this coming week will mimic last week’s fantastic run and keep this good momentum going strong.

Deeper Meaning of "I Love You"...

Had dinner with Agnes, and as promised, we had hell of a crazy evening. Kekekek…the agenda was work, our personal lives and most juicy of them all, our LOVE lives. ;) Hmmm…I have been wondering why we are so close after just 1 meeting. We literally poured our hearts out in every dinner date. I guess, there’s no need to have reason for everything…especially life. There’s mutual trust and the friendship just blossom on an accelerated speed. Faster than a Lambo @ 320kph!!!

Fri saw me met up with Soon and Jess. Gave him his birthday present of 2 choices, and he gotten the dinner + tee/business shirt. Yet to accomplish, but there’s plenty of time to carry it out till the next birthday. Kekekek…we even went to look for proposal rings as well. It’s gonna be fast and furious for him in 2010. If everything goes well, we should be expecting the red bomb in the last quarter of 2010. Feel really happy for him. I think I’m even more gan cheong after he told me his plans. Mentally, I already mapped out an outline of the things to do/not do. Hahahah…He’s my blood brother for 14 years. How not to be anxious!!?? Wedding cakes, guest list, hotel reservation, photos, wedding gifts, the list just goes on forever. So, 1 year advance planning is just nice. WE GOTTA PLAN IT NOW!!!! :p

Weekend’s been pretty packed as well. Went to buy party décor for Soon’s birthday. Pretty much gotten everything, just need to discuss with Jess on the actual day stuff, like food and timing. Oh well, it’s not the 1st time we’re doing this, but still there’s a tinge of excitement. :)…Most probably, the plan should flow like this:

10am to 3pm: Beach games & picnic
3pm to 6pm: F&E cum surprise @ hotel room!!
6pm to 8pm: dinner @ Vivo + cake
8pm till late: either games in hotel room or clubbing @ Café del Mar.

That’s how I envision, but how closely it can meet my schedule depends on the people loh. *cross fingers*

Oh ya, the most fuzzy thing I gotten this week gotta be the sound of a grand-daughter saying to her grandma, “I love You”. Somehow, my eyes were brightened up when I heard that while I’m in the toilet..kekeke..I think her granny was leaving, and the kid just screamed out through the window, “I love you, Ah Mah”. Awwww….that’s so sweet…It melted my heart when I hear that. Indeed there’s still such love around, and I believe it should be the greatest one of all!! It’s not your BGR type, which is so flimsy at times. But love like this, is hard to see or hear nowadays. I hope the Gen Z will cherish their grandparents and parents, while they are still around and learn as much as they can. It’s the best gift that they can give you.

A tear

Should it be evoked by a sad song or a sad experience? I guess, for me it’s both. Last night, when I was repeating myself for the umpteen on my regret for treating Irene that way, I could feel my eyes welling up on cue. This is the part that always (I should say, almost) brings a tear to my eyes. Whenever I talk about this, the urge to cry is always there. There is no denying on that. But I guess I was in control all this while and the tears were held back. I’m not sure when will it flow uncontrollably in public. I just can’t tell. But I reckon it will happen.

Spending all my time with the gang really helps to soothe the lonely soul. Without the companionship, my mind will bound to wander to the unknown, and God knows when will I be back to reality. For the 1st time in years, I’m afraid to be alone. I wonder what will I become after all the festivities have died down. Aloof, silent, maybe grumpy.

I’m looking forward to the 2nd half of the year bcoz of all the celebrations, birthdays, X’mas, NYE…I’m somewhat glad it’s jam packed with all these stuff. There will be months I’ll be doing nothing but blog and blog…and there will be months I’ll MIA for ages. Hahahaha…that’s when you know I’m having too much fun ;). There’s so much to be done and the hot summer sun is dying down soon. So I gotta catch it before month’s end!! And that’s when autumn sets in, and the melancholy rhythm will be heard again. Everything will be slowed down, somehow or rather. It’s like following the footsteps of an old man walking through the park, on a well trodden path, full of fallen golden maple leaves. That image is firmly etched in the back of my mind all the time. I somehow feel I’m that old man. Given all he got and yet spending his last years, walking alone. His only companion, a trusty old walking stick. There’s no one in sight but memories that filled his days and nights with the minute of joy and laughter; doing all these, on an old rocking chair.

I smirked when I see couples holding hands and showing PDA on trains, parks, malls and what have you. Honestly, I feel happy for them. Or maybe I just feel sad for myself. Being able to find a partner/companion isn’t as easy as all think. So, I always envy those who really did find their happiness and progress to start a family and enjoying the bittersweet of married life. I guess I will never experience such myriad of emotions in the years to come, or even in this lifetime. It will take a very “strong” woman to overcome my fear of commitment and the fear of the unknown. It will be HER, who will guide me through the thick and thin. It gotta be HER, who will be the pillar of strength for me, most of the times. So, it’s not that easy to find such a strong yet demure lady of my dreams. It never was, it never will, it never gonna be.

I’m pretty sure I’m getting depressed again if I were to carry on writing. But it’s the best avenue to express my deepest thoughts and vividly capturing my life experiences on this blog. Though it’s wildly imagined at times, but it feels like I’m already there in person. I’m beginning to feel like an old man in a young man’s body.

Maybe I should just become a full-time author. Inspirations were gotten from the music I heard and the emotions I felt of late. The music really brings me back years ago and years ahead at the same time. It’s amazing what a few notes can do. The human mind is a power thing. It can make a person feel like a king in 1 second, and like a destitute in another. Try exploring it when you got the time and space, and I guarantee you, you’ll not be disappointed. ;)

New Look, New Beginning??

Another week had just zoomed past. It’s one-week post-ICT. Nothing much has changed, but I’m loving the shock element I gave my agents and colleagues. Hahahah…Sharon couldn’t even recognize me!! Kekeke…I had given her that shock element, TWICE! 1st, was when I turned permanent staff. 2nd, was last Friday when I came back for the Be@m presentation. Kekekek…that was fun loh. :p With a short crop, a goatee & a darker tan can do wonders. Everyone is curious what happened to me for the past week, and the questions kept coming in fast and furious. Kekekek…I love that attention though. It makes me feel shiok and that people DO take notice of me. Low self-esteem can be sucky, so this really was a “treat” that I can enjoy, once in a while :).

The goatee’s gone, and it’s the new prim-and-proper Nick!! Short hair and smart looking. Apparently, Singaporean girls love guys with short hair, while Koreans (and the fanatics) like it long. Hmmmm…which demographics should I please??? Kekekek…how about the Japanese & ang moh? Hahahaha… :p

Loving the plans that are up-and-coming…..

There’s gonna be G.I. Joe tonight, after the bbq at granny’s.
Come Monday, will be a session of basketball.
Tuesday will be the ever-elusive dinner with Yati!!
Then Friday, will have my waxing session.
Saturday, will be holding a 1-to-1 dinner with Soon. It’s the birthday prelude dinner!!
Sunday will be AHM 21km.

Then next Saturday will be the birthday bash proper @ sunny Sentosa!!! So I’m gonna do the rain-rain-go-away prayer again…kekekek…it’s gonna be a fun-filled and packed schedule for the coming 2 weeks. This should make me less mindful of reality that has been taking up my brain space lately.

I’m really applying what I have been preaching all these years. “Take 1 day at a time.” By not thinking too far ahead, really keeps me sane. I’m trying very hard not to sway by focusing on the coming events. I’m not sure what/how I will be feeling next month, when all the events have dried up. Hmmmm…………………but that will be next month’s worries. Not now. ;)

**p.s. Agnes, I know you might be reading this, so I never forget our lunch date!!! Kekeke…I never put it in bcoz I don’t know which day are we meetin hor!! :p

4th ICT 2009

This week had been a week of reflections and gaining insight to my life, instead of doing physical exercises.

I hear the guys talk about their careers, their newly minted marriages, getting cars and flats. It’s rather sad to say the least, that I’m neither successful in either of that. My career is in limbo, no future partner in sight, and don’t even have to think of 4 wheels and a 4-room house.

For the 1st time, I’m really reflecting on what I’m gonna do with my life. Though I have a job, it’s not really a field I can excel in. I might jolly well return to shipping. It’s where the money is. I can at least be an executive or even an Assistant Manager! But my concern now is, how to climb the corporate ladder with so much in my mind. I really don’t know what the future lies. Yesterday, I told Kelvin that I’m drained out just after 7 months, and contemplating a return to my old job. The stress level and workload is really intense. Not everyone can take it. That’s why I wonder how Gimmy tahan for 2 years. It’s plain insanity! Though the money is rather good (if you are high ranking), the responsibilities is equally “good” too. Everytime got courses, seminars and conferences to attend. Siao loh..work cannot finish, still must go this, go that.

Talking about relationships and marriages. Friends are tying up the knots like tying shoelaces. Fast and sweet. And wedding albums are sprouting all over the place. Malls, papers, and even facebook!!! I WANNA GET MARRIED TOO!!! I want to have a family and kids too…sob sob.. :( I yearn for a meaningful relationship, but can’t find the correct one to start with. I even thought of reconciling with Irene, but I don’t wanna go back to the devilish part of me, uncontrollably. I wanna be fair to her, as much as I can. Somehow, she’s someone I’m spending a lot of time with lately. She’s the only one who is available and accommodate to my timing, any day of the week. That’s sweet, but I don’t wanna take advantage of that too. I even siam her for some time, so as not to rely on her. But I can’t, coz she’s the next best thing, in terms of shopping-cum-eating kaki. I just went with the flow loh. Fuck care for now..as long we’re happy, I don’t really care now. But still, I will wanna find a partner to spend intimate time with. I need genuine love/passion. I need it badly and need it fast!!

Don’t even mention about cars and flats!! I’m not even close…not even smelling it. Period!!

Haiz…it’s been a great week though. Rekindling friendship and knowing new ones. I hope this will gain momentum for me. Job wise, getting better at it. Relationship wise, getting to know a girl, of coz! And when I get these both on track, the other 2 will fall in place in 10 years time..hahahhah…

People just don’t believe I can’t score a date, and blame me for being picky. Kekeke…it’s true. I’m indeed picky. I’m critical when selecting the future mate. Everything must be perfect, but I’m learning to compromise and forgoing the ones that ain’t important. But seeing other imperfect couples, it’s even more frustrating and pek chey on not finding the babe.

@#%%^&&(*&^(**(*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*(*)&$%%#$###!@!@$%^#E%#$%!!!!!!

Someone please give me a real hug & kiss…………..