Saturday, September 05, 2009

A Great Fortnight...but I'm SICK of my life...

I was reading my past entries and searching for inspiration to write again. And on cue, it came. Hahahha…well, the past 2 weeks had been a hell-raiser. There’s the major event of the year, Soon’s wedding proposal, which I can proudly say, went “smoothly” as it should be. Hahahahahah…There’s hell of a preparation for us. From the scrutiny of details to making impromp-tu wet weather plans. It’s a MASSIVE project!!! Best part is, she didn’t realize it, when in the 1st place we thought she did and made a lot of changes…hahhaahah…that really made us cracked up. :p And the worst part is, I accidentally press the REC button and didn’t record the most important part of the proposal, i.e. the bended knee moment!!!!! SHIT!!! Lucky, we had 2 viewcams, if not, I would never EVER forgive myself.

Everything went well and that was really the highlight of week 36. There were the dinner dates as usual. Nothing fancy, just chat and dine. Lotsa laughter and smiles and good people. This left me wondering how long will this last. And right on, my calendar is blank for the month of September. Hahahaha…there isn’t any concrete plans marked out except for luncheon with Agnes. And besides that, I’m totally open. How I wish I can score a date with someone. At least that could bring some spice to my lonesome month. How I wish I can get that 1st date feeling of adrenaline pumping, hearting racing, back in my life…it’s soooooo hard…. :(

I wonder what it takes to score a date with someone meaningful…and if so, where can I find such people. Singaporean girls are just damn stuck up la. No wonder guys are turning their heads abroad. Don’t blame us, check out yourselves ladies…To be fair, it’s only a handful, and I’m very sure the rest of our local babes are equally great. But it’s THAT handful, that spoil market loh…aarrrgghhh!!!

I think I should stop listening to sappy Korean songs and start listening to MJ again. It’s zapping the life juice out of me!!! Feeling all emotional again…sian loh…I NEED LOVE!!!

Regrettably, I know I’m spreading my love to whoever I meet, and mostly to people who are “impossible” (but I keep meeting them!!! NOT MY FAULT!!). I think I’m so desperate to date, that I tap on anyone who interest me. I reckon that would lead to retribution…hahahahaha…well, I’m just sour that my status quo is so unreal and needs to be changed fast! And deep down, I know these people will not forsake their current lives to be with me, which I totally respect and envy. And also, deep down, I know Ms C will never go out on a date with me, even though she said, “I would love to but……” blah blah…all rubbish to me…She doesn’t wanna make empty promises and I know why, coz it will not look good on her and make her a liar. So, she’s just covering her own backside…CLEVER!!! *sssish!!!* I’m beginning to want to part ways, as things are not working out as well I wanted it to be. There’s only love from me and not from her. So, that’s what EMA is all about…I’m learning this 1st hand. It’s the 1st time the affair gets lousier treatment than the main lead. Hahahaha…movies/dramas not like that show wan leh…kekekeekek… :p

Anyway, I just hope something bright will happen in the last quarter of 09, and forget the 1st half of the year. If not, I think I would need a miracle to lift me out of this slump…as what Yati puts it, “if I can survive a divorce, I can survive anything!” hahahha…I need my babe in shining armor. WHERE ARE YOU??????

I deserve better. I need to put myself in perspective now. I need to get a grip of myself!!!!

I think I suffered quite a bit in the love life, that I warrant a bit of leeway rite??? I’m now in TWO bloody 3rd-party-position relationship, and I don’t wanna have any part of it anymore!! I’m not getting the love that I truly deserve and I’m sure that’s what YOU want me to feel right?? I get what you mean now, so please let me off the hook ya???……I’m really suffering deep inside. I know you know it, soooooooo please don’t do this to me anymore!!!!!!! I surrender myself to you now. I CAN’T TAKE THIS NO MORE……..I can’t hold this façade any longer….I’m tired and fatigued from all the faces I put up…

I need a long rest………..

No comments: