Wish me speedy recovery for Sunday's 42km marathon..

Was sick from Monday until today. Feeling MUCH MUCH better!! My company doc suspects I may have stomach ulcer :( But I totally agree with him too. Most probably I’ll go back to him after the marathon to do the scope. *Company pay ma…kekeke.. :p*

Even when I’m sick, I still insist on recovering my health back and go for Sunday’s marathaon. 42km!! No joke man!! Now I need my health and strength back before Sat, or else it will be very very difficult.

Wish me good health and speedy recovery, girlfriends!! ; )

It's my 25th BIRTHDAY!!

*here's the pics of my shopping and caking cutting "ceremony"...kekeke:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I’m a quarter of a century old!!! Steady right…kekekek…only 25 lah!! :p In my years on Earth, this year is the ONLY year that I received the most prezzies!!! Yiiipppeeee!!! I LOVE them all!! Coz it’s a gift from the heart :)

Here’s the low-down of my lovely gifts:

1. Tee & ear-rings from Irene
2. Cuff-links & “Love” letter from Jo
3. Polo Tee & Roses from Tracy
4. “Tiramisu” cake from Yve
5. A surprise gift from Annie (Irene’s friend and yet to receive..)

and various red packets from my folks and my grandparents :). And today, after a good dinner at the zi char stall opposite my block, we had cakes!! YES! 2 cakes!! One is a hazelnut chocolate cake from my sis and another is a blackforest from Irene. And they both taste FANTASTIC!! But I’m more inclined towards the hazelnut. Kekeke…v v v v NICE!!

And yesterday after our collection of the race packs, walked about the Sports Expo. Then spotted a water-bag & sunglasses!! It’s bloody nice & cheap loh. The bag only $48 complete with the bladder and the shades only $145 with 2 extra interchangeable lenses!!! Aaahhhh!!!! It’s a great deal to resist. So, I bought them today, just to buy these things. Then went Suntec to jalan jalan and bought this nail care kit from Israel. It’s those cart stall and surprisingly they have 3 other outlets in Singapore, i.e. Great World, J8 and Vivo. Anyway, it’s 45bucks for 1 set and 2 for 90. So I got 1 for myself & 1 for Irene. SHIOK!! Today I’m super broke liao…hahaha…but it’s worth it ; ) definitely going there again to replenish my stock when I’m done. They have other dead sea products as well. Kinda reasonable price and they have a website as well, so it’s pretty easy to know their products. Try it, it’s http://www.vardimigdal.com/. And I don’t have commission by recommending this. Hahahah… :p

And i was talent spotted again!! kekeke...It's my 3rd time. Anyway I gave that guy my no. but I'm not going to go for anything. Just feel shiok about getting spotted again, means I'm handsome!! kekeek.. :p

Ok lah, I need to polish my nails now!!

Met my ex & Justin's in trouble..

Knocked into Lee Ann today at Amoy food centre! Actually didn’t notice her, but from a distance, I can sense that there’s a babe in front, so when I look up, it was her…hahahah…my 1st reaction was, “What should my reaction be?”. Coz our last conversation was that she’s pissed that I kept delaying our dinner, but it turned out ok. We said hi’s and she’s looking good, but her complexion may have been a tad off. Kekeke…anyway everything’s ok. At least she’s smiling at me :)

There’s always 2 sides to a coin. When there’s a good thing, there’s always a bad thing happening soon. It turns out to be Justin. His relationship with his girlfriend has taken a toil. Most likely they are breaking up soon. Hope everything’s ok with him. The last time when his girlfriend initiated the break-up, he just teared when I asked him. It’s my 1st time seeing a guy cry. He’s very much in love with his girl then. But now, his girl is giving out signals that they should part ways. I feel it’s good for him, coz in his current state, he’s like having no girlfriend. She’s practically working everyday and when she’s on off, they barely spend 24 hours together. Oh well, I just hope he will be ok and keep himself occupied.

Another Pressie!!

Had received my “real” gift from Tracy. She bought me a Tommy Hilfiger polo tee!! It’s costs a bomb man…coz she passed me the receipt in case the size doesn’t fit and need to exchange. Hahhaah…1st time I know how much my birthday pressie costs.. kekeke…but she a keen eye. Even she haven’t seen me for soooooooo long, she still manages to guess my size. Not too bad my girlfriend…hahahah… :p

Nothing much to say. Only my pressies for this month…kekeke..more to come??

Self Reflection...and it's from TV!!

This morning was watching the show, 7th Heaven, and this phrase really struck me:

“You are only responsible for your own happiness.”

People will always be heart-broken when a relationship fails, and tears are inevitable. But it's alrite. It's not your fault if things aren't going your way and everyone may see you are the "bad guy". You don't have to answer to any of them, only to YOURSELF. I feel that we can always reflect on this when we are confused or on wits end. If you can’t be happy, how can you spread it to others, i.e. you loved ones, friends etc. Hmmm…I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. After hearing this, everything becomes simpler and less confusing. Nothing matters more than my own happiness. Every other thing will take care of itself and time will heal all wounds. I hope all the people who are experiencing what I'm going through, to be able to find strength through his/her friends and family and also through the things they do. :)

See! Who say TV is a bad thing…you can learn a thing or two from watching TV 24/7. hahahah…

My BIRTHDAY!!!

Had a very hectic week..a lot of urgent stuff and was busy like a bee. Even went to work this morning, which only applies when I’ve tons to do. But it’s alrite, I don’t mind coz the workload is really great this time of the year.

But my week was sweet coz I received a birthday prezzie from Yve!! It was the 1st thing I see when I came back yesterday. My mum even sms me that I’ve a parcel. Didn’t know who’s the sender until I opened it. It is a tiramisu cake!!! It’s fake of coz..but it was damn real!! She’s e sweetest sista ever!!! Hahahahah…really very touched coz she’s know doing her FYP and her exams are near, so it makes it the more sweeter!! ; )

So far, I’ve received 2 prezzies. Had a nice bouquet from Tracy and now, my sista’s “cake”. And come Mon, Tracy’s gonna pass me the “real” birthday gift…hahahahah…so happy!! 1st time received so many things. Really appreciated these people who remembered my day (and those who yet to pass me theirs…kekeek)…love ya guys!!

Can’t wait for Mon!!! Muackk!!

What's your talent?

What's yr talent? hmmm...i don't know mine even after 24yrs!! Kinda distrubing...i always believe we are made to do something on Earth. Something unique from others...what's yours, if you've found it??

Now preparing for X'mas, so gotta send out ideas for brain-storming...hahahah...hope it will be better than 2006. Gotta run off and write the email now, Jo... :p

You guys just remember to reply me fast...and i mean FAST!!

I wanna be a DAD!!

Just watched the show, The Game Plan. Pretty good and heart warming. Suddenly have the urge to go have a kid right now!! Hahahah…coz the kid is so cute and you wish you’re the dad. Maybe my biological clock is beginning to tick. :p But I’m always worried my kid will turn out wrong…maybe too educated and watched too much documentaries. Make you kinda uptight about conceiving. Anyway, I love kids, so I hope they will come soon but I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna with my wife.

Reassessing the situation now, so no worries guys, I know what I’m doing :) Back to kids, they are so cute and lovely but also a lifetime of commitment. So must make doubly sure before doing the most major thing in your life.

Have kids, that’s where you’ll truly know the meaning of love…pure innocent love ; )

A Day Out.

Today I’m on leave. Went out shopping as planned & even caught a movie, Pleasure Factory. Think the movie adds more emotions to my already blue mood. The story line and music are the culprits. It’s such a sad story and made me think back on all the bad things I’ve done and the material stuff that I’ve bought & intend to buy. I feel so small…anyway with the heavy mood and dark skies (I hate shopping on rainy days!!), I dragged myself to go shopping. Can’t believe I’m saying that!! Drag myself to shopping??!!! Where did that come from?? :( But when after the show, at lobby I saw my 1st crush!! Hahahaha….didn’t call out to her, but of all places and time. The 1st thought is, “she don’t need to work??”. Anyway, it’s pretty nice to see the people I met in my earlier years. She’s my crush in Pri.5. :)

Then went Suntec for some window shopping. Saw 1 of my camp mates, but still I didn’t call out to him. Just saw him walked past. So today, I’d seen 2 people I know. Feels pretty nice.

But I guess I’ll have to record today in my top 10 list of “Worst day of my life”. Rainy weather, sad movie (suppose to be a R21 show!!), too many thoughts surrounding my personal life have really made my leave day a lousy one. A VERY lousy one. Was thinking a lot, A LOT today, even when I’m watching tv. Having suicidal intents again and I’m really, seriously, thinking of engaging a shrink. Have always be bugging by this issue for so long. I wonder when can I resolve this.

1 big discovery I found in facebook is that, Irene’s in it too!!! Found out when I invite my contacts in yahoo address book. Wah!!! Think it’s the biggest discovery since our relationship begins. She didn’t tell me, but I always have the curiosity to find out. But it’s unintentional when I saw her. Hmmm…I’m ok with it, coz she’s entitled to her privacy as well. I’m just shocked..literally. Anyway, no big deal :)

Then on Sun, when I told her I’m going Shanghai with my female colleague for business. She was rather upset via sms. She said she’s uncomfortable but there’s nothing she can do, as she’s feeling insecure and stuff. And she’s said we are drifting apart (the usual thing she will say when we are not close) and after that, she told me to enjoy my leave. Wah kao!! After saying those things, how to enjoy rite!? Haiz…anyway I’m back home writing this blog instead of shopping. Totally no more mood liao. I guess, when I’m emotional, good or bad, I tend to write it down rather than saying it out, coz it will take forever! I can be nagging at times…hahahaha…

Hope this phase will pass fast and I can get on with my life. Or I can see the shrink. Any recommendations?

p.s I need X’mas to be perfect to end 2007 on a high note. And I’m gonna get my Trek bike by end year, after my bonus!! Kekekeek… :p

Jo, my BEST-EST gf!!

Been an ok wk. My dad bought a new digi cam!! It’s the newest Lumix!! 8 mega pixel..now I can take more pretty pics with it, and w/o the red eye effect…arrrggghhhh.. :p

Had supper with Charles and Jo. Pretty good and relaxing. Hope it can last forever. Really need the time out with my pals, esp Jo…miss her lots when I’m feeling down. Don’t know what I’ll do when she’s away. Just like the time when she’s in Aussie. But I’m just glad she’s back for good. I guess she’s like my pillar of strength, even though she’s not by my side most of the times. But because we connect at a level where no one can go to, I feel she’s the only one who can understand me, and I can truly be myself, i.e. being all girly and stuff…hahahahah…and there’s no judgement, I’m very sure of that!!

She’s my best-est friend EVER!! Love her lots and it hurts when she’s sad and tear. I don’t know how to put it in words lah. But it transcends beyond basic friendship, coz we are always standing by each other and try to be there for one another. We just LOVE each other too much!! And losing our friendship is totally out of our question.

I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s married and have a family of her own..hmmmm…I guess, I’ll miss her lots ba. Just don’t move her home too far from mine, if not it will be even more difficult to meet up!!! Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! That’s unimaginable!!! Hahahahah…

This post is just for her. Don’t think I dedicate a whole post to her yet, so it’s about time I do it. Coz I love my best buddy, best-est gf, best-est shopping companion..kudos to the best human who has prettify my life in the last 6 years and more to come.

Love you!! Muacckkk!!! *hugz*

Deepest thoughts...on the edge...

All my life, I’ve been pleasing people, being there for them and be their friend/confidante…but when it’s my turn to be depressed/sad/suicidal, where’s everybody? And of all times, I have to choose to be in this state of mind when everybody’s busy with school/work/lives. Just my luck, isn’t it?? God, how come you’ve created me this way?? Why do I have to endure all this??!! I’m your child, but why can’t feel any love and care in this world, where I’ve given out so much to other, but received none. Am I not deserving of such love? I’m flesh and blood, body and soul too. Can you take a pity on me and give a little more to me in this period of desperation..?? I’m begging and asking, as you said,“ ask and you shall receive”. And I’m sincerely doing that now.

They said, “walk a mile in their shoes before judging them”, but I’ve walked in so many of them, felt their needs and empathize with them. But has anyone really walked in mine?? Is being a goody two-shoe, nice guy always an easy target for bullies and unfair treatment? What it takes to live on this planet? Questions questions questions…who can truly answer them?????????????????????????

I tried my best to treat everyone equally and help within my power to make each party happy, but always gone unappreciated. No “thank you” or “謝 謝”or “sorry for all the trouble you’ve gone through”. I’m always saying all these but never on the receiving end of such compliments and gratitude. I’m such a safe guy and playing it safe all my life. Sometimes I just wanna let it all out, but the consequences will be disastrous. Tried once and got a heated argument with my dad. It’s not worth in the end. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

I can safely say that I’m a good friend to my close friends, and try my best to be there for them. I hope they felt that too. Your good friend here, really need some loving here, if you are reading this. I don’t need words, just a shoulder to lean on and lots of love. Love, that I can take to the grave with; held closely to my heart. I can forsake love of another woman but I can never do without love from my family and friends (only the closest ones). As I’m growing up, I am slowly realizing that loving another woman is becoming less important, and what I must pursue is, friendship love. The closest kind. The kind that is pure, no prejudice, and ever committed. No storm can waver this bond. I need that. Deep and long-lasting.

I finally learn the true meaning of soulmate. After so many years of watching drama serials and being in so many different relationships (i.e. friendship, family, BGR), the definition is simple. A person whom you will turn to when you in trouble/sad/happy/afraid, and she/he is the 1st person you can think of, way after the honeymoon period. A person whom you can share a meaningful conversation with and feeling no inhibitions when baring your soul. A person who gives meaning to your life and adds value to your existence. A person who knows how to make you tick, emotionally/sexually/physically. Is it very difficult to find here, in Singapore?? It’s sure is, coz I haven’t found mine yet. “YET”, is a good word to use here, meaning there’s still hope of searching during your time on Earth. It may takes a lifetime to find it, but I wouldn’t mind doing that, if it takes me to every corner of the Earth. But I reckon, by the time I reach the 1st corner, I may be too old to reach others.


I think this time round; I’ve really reached my max. With my training on hold, I’m feeling more and more lethargic and having a wandering mind. Thinking too much is certainly bad for health. Don’t know how come all those great man can think so much everyday…hmmmm…I think I’ve to join Serene in Down Under. Hahahah…seriously, I’m contemplating that, but it just doesn’t fit into my schedule. The next plan is, getting a bike and starts cycling and gets my training regime back on track, all at once. I hope I can find the strength (mental) to kick-start all these again. Feeling very drained from thinking about Irene and me. All the permutations/outcomes/consequences are killing me everyday. I just can’t get it out of my system!!

I don’t like to rely people on emotional needs, coz I know they can’t always be around when I need them. I would wallow in self-pity instead of intruding on others. I don’t wanna owe anybody anything. I don’t wanna them to feel obliged to do it for me, just because they are my friend and unable to reject me (coz I’d been there for them). I don’t want that. I DON’T NEED THAT. I just need a friend to have a conversation with and share the good times of the past.

Can you do that?

24th Nov 1982...25 yrs on..

Had a pleasant surprise last fri at work. Someone sent me flowers!! Hahahah…actually I know who it is when I received the phone call from my receptionist. Coz she’s the only person who will send me flowers out of so many friends. And also, only she and my wife have my office address, so that makes the guessing much, much more easy. It’s Tracy!! Kekeke…she was weird from that morning onwards, asking me whether I’m working that day. But still it didn’t struck me as something funny, coz she’s always forgetful. Anyway, when I got the flowers and got a few stares and looks…the feeling’s SHIOK!! Reckon I’m the only guy in my level, or maybe the entire building, to have flowers at his desk. It’s 6 stalks of white rose with a cute teddy. She’s the sweetest, isn’t she?! And it smell pretty nice too. Most probably it’s my 1st and last time ever, to receive flowers from the female species.

Very heartwarming and very special. Definitely made my day and days to come. This is my month. It’s my birthday. Another year past, another year older. Well, any wishes? Nothing in mind though. Good health to my family and myself, and my close friends too. But the biggest wish of all might have to be, to be able to rid myself of the predicament I’m having between Irene and myself. Hope it will be settled, bad or good.

Gonna live in the moment and enjoy myself while I can and planning my X’mas shopping way ahead of time to get prezzies for everyone I love.

Love ya.

Shitty Bullies

I always have the impression that buyers/purchasers are very prestigious posts and unrivalled. But reality sinks in and it’s totally loop-sided. People will make use of us to arrange purchases and I mean, EVERYBODY. There’s no “please” or “excuse me” here. You just have to do it, even you’re not asked to directly. So, whenever you see “S&P”, you know you got a job at hand, without being told. And if by any chance you didn’t see it, arrows will come piercing through your heart, and people will hound after your blood. Even so, we still have to be polite and courteous, at our boss’s instructions. We can be assertive but not rude, and always be professional. How to do that, when everybody else’s is not doing it. It’s not fair. LIFE’S NOT FAIR. Grow up now!!

When they need our help, they are very nice. But even that, is on the rare occasion. And when we require their assistance (even on the minute basis), they will be haughty and shun us away like houseflies. We are like admin, but come to think again, it’s WORST than admin. Even the cleaners garner more respect than us. There’s no respect for our services and personnel. Luckily, we are a tight group. We look out for one and another and make a mockery out of life. Laughter and rowdiness are the main staples of our daily routine. We are the envy of the company. Coz, we are able to talk loudly and anyway we like it. Our job requires us to do that. Hahhaahah…it’s a blessing. Being able to express ourselves amongst the hustle and bustle in this job, is a MUST HAVE. You must be thinking my colleagues are all youngsters, but you will be surprised that mature workers can be twice as fun. The age group falls in the 50s. I’ve 3 “uncles” aged 55, 50 and 1 at 62!! The rest sums up at 34, 28 and 31. I’m the youngest at 24½. Hahahaha…

Back to the subject, bullying has always been a constant in our lives, but afraid to put a stop to it, even if it happens to us. We are totally hopeless!! Especially us, Singaporeans. We are not street-wise and less is always more. So, we will be minding our own business and rid of any troubles that can implicate our lives further. We don’t need that anymore. Our work and personal life are already in a mess; we definitely do not need more shit from these troublemakers.