Thursday, May 21, 2009

Shocking News!!!

Had the biggest shock yesterday when I read the emails. MT is gonna be promoted!! WHAT THE HELL!!?? On what grounds, may I ask??!!…to me, he’s just slack and knows when to do what, that’s all. Maybe he’s a ball sucker, so that’s why. Maybe, just maybe it’s bcoz of his capabilities, which I couldn’t see, that projected him into the managerial position.

Anyway, that’s just the beginning of this snowball. The repercussion leads to Gimmy redeploy back to HQ, and me holding the fort in time to come. Even KG will only be there for once or twice a week. Oh man, what news when the excitement of new working partner is still so raw. The thought of rotating staff is so enticing that, as fast as it comes, it died down fast too. It’s a BIG BLOW to me loh. I thought I would have lunch kaki, but now it seems that I would have to lunch-in for the time I’m working here. Haiz…….sian…..it’s tough working when there’s help around. Imagine when there isn’t any. It will be a mental house, I tell you. I reckon my OT claims will be so high, it could make up 50% of my pay!! And it will be all too easy to hit that target.

I enjoy the time I share with Gim, and the working relationship we had built over the last months. We had everything going for us…and this just have to happen. Well, in a career prospects viewpoint, it’s a good move for both and I should congratulate them. But on a personal level, I just wish he didn’t have to move back. We both share the same mindset, i.e. workaholics, and share the same chemistry. I’m still skeptical whether I can form a great partnership with KG, but time will tell and I hope I’m prove wrong….really, I really hope so..

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Finding Love at the Wrong Places

I don’t know what got into me lately. Involving myself with unrequited love is just a big no-no. Though deep down, I can sense there’s a tinge of liking of me to her, the status quo is just impossible. Why am I always getting myself in such predicament? It’s like forcing a square block into a circle jigsaw. It’s just silly!! The correct thing to do is to back off and change my target. Somehow I just have a thing for girls who aren’t single. I JUST CAN’T EXPLAIN IT. I don’t purposely find them. They just appear in my life. We ended up acquainted and become close friends. That’s good, but my over-zealous of spreading love just isn’t in control all the time. Spreading to the wrong person is just a waste of time, but I can’t help it!

The fact that I’m single and no one to inject my love into, makes me wanna find someone close and spoil her silly. I know there’s not gonna be any outcome, but I still do it nonetheless. People might ask me why waste time and should change to more viable targets, but the fact is, there isn’t any targets available!? And in Singapore, it ain’t easy to find someone I’m comfortable with and have loads to talk about. It might come to a point that I may have to join the SDU, find a foreign bride or stay single all my life. It’s not impossible, by the way things are churning out.

Honestly, after the 1st marriage, I’m afraid of commitment already. Having to face up in-laws and her relatives, ain’t gonna be an easy task. It’s the rite of passage, but it ain’t gonna work for me anymore. I can’t be hypocritical for the sake of things. I’m just like that. I don’t like to entertain people whom I have no dealings with and often wants my respect. I can’t do that. If you want me to get a girl with conservative background, I will definitely think twice about marrying her. I’ve done that, and don’t want to repeat it again. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s just not my “cup of tea”. Marriage is not a union of 2 persons, it's a union of 2 families and its extended family. Think about it, people.

Having too much affection to give, who should I give to and still receive it back in kind?? I’m in a lost. How I yearn for a relationship, but all the nitty gritty details of courtship is just sickening to the core. If things can be simpler, all will be too easy and I’ll never gonna cherish her. I’m such a contradict! I’m even pissed off with myself at times. I don’t even know what I want. Such a letdown at times. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!!!???

Like they always say, “Have girlfriend also headache, no girlfriend also headache”. Hahahah…people or should I say, man, is also very fickle minded. When they have it, they complain. And when they don’t, they also complain. Such a wuss. I think I fit in perfectly in this category. Hahahaha…

Now that I’ve a job, my mind automatically channels my energy to finding a mate. I reckon it’s hardwired in our hard-drive. It’s instinct. When you have food, you will want to find a mate. It’s the same in the modern times. When you have a stable job, the next progression is getting a wife. It’s that simple. Basically we don't deviate too much from our ancestors 2 millions ago.

I don’t know about the future, and I don’t wish to know. But I truly hope there’s a silver lining for me to look forward to in years to come. I know deep down, I do yearn for companionship, especially when the surrounding people are tied down with their careers and family. It’s a natural progression. I don’t and can’t blame them. They are just heeding the call of nature to reproduce. I do hope SHE can come sooner than later, kill my boredom and let me feel loved again.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Maturity vs Cuteness

This week has been great so far. And it can only get better. :) I guess after dishing out the “orientation pack” (the name that my Auntie Irene gave for the sweets I gave) to my colleagues, that should strengthen the bond between them and me. And I totally love that idea!! Giving joy now has just become my priority…hahahhaah…I felt so relieved and delightful after doing that deed. It’s like I’m floating. Deep down, I’m just glad my integration into the team is quite seamless, thanks to my auntie and Gimmy. Both should have bridge the gap for me, so I’m very happy to have them as my mentors. :)

I saw Miss Japan again and the femininity she eluded proved that, once again I’m attracted to maturity than cuteness. It’s the old age question of maturity vs youth. I can’t explain it, but I keep attracting older women and I totally have a thing for them. It’s the aura of maturity and ageing (sometimes it’s the wrinkles that add to the whole look…laugh lines can be sexy too) that keeps me from wanting them. It’s like a drug and you can’t kick it away. Cuteness can only bring you so far, but to be mature and able to hold oneself, that’s not every girl can. So if I come across any of them, I’m totally in awe and worship them…hahahahaha…

GOOD week and I’m TOTALLY looking forward to the weekend!!! Yayyy!!! So much to buy and check out…here’s the list and you might want to give some suggestions.. :)

1. Jacket for D&D (buy or rent…)
2. Brown Oxford’s
3. Brown loafers
4. Brown belt
5. Cuffed shirt (yellow, pink, white…)

Think that’s enough for this week…and I should check out Tampines 1 next week!! Swee!!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day?

This time round, my forgetfulness has really done the deed. I've forgotten my colleague's mum had passed away and still wished her, Happy Mummy's Day and that she must be having a great time with her....WHAT THE FUCK!!!! That was the 1st reaction I gave myself when I realised it...What stupidity loh...she might think I'm super insensitive, but I swear I didn't do it on purpose. Long time friends who know me, knew that I have short term memory..so they can vouch for me. I hope my friendship with my colleague has not been jeopardised bcoz of that, even though she didn't blame me for it.

Since afternoon, I've been feeling very bad about the whole incident. I felt like an ass!! I swear I'll forever remember this day and keep it firmly etched in my mind. Stupid brain!!!.... :(

Wrinkles & Dry Skin

I think this posting gonna kill all my readers out there. My mum said I got wrinkles, and I have more than her when I smile!!! Hahahahaha….She said bcoz I’m losing weight all that fats have been displaced and nothing filled the void, so the lines are super obvious. Kekekek…I just told her I’m showing signs of wisdom. Hahahahahah….Anyway she’s right lah. Do you ever see a fat person with wrinkles?? No rite…so it’s just plain obvious.

Another thing is, during dinner, my auntie commented that my skin is dry and need moisturizer and sunblock. Wah!!! Like that she also can tell. Power loh!! I reckon it’s bcoz of my Saturday’s swim that made it even obvious. But then again, she got a point. So, I said I’m gonna moisturize and apply sunblock religiously from now on….except when I swim and exercise. Kekekeke :p it’s such a hassle to apply all those yucky stuff on my face. I’m an au naturel guy, so putting those stuff makes me feel very eeky. YUCKS!!! Anyway, if it’s just moisturize and sunblock, then that I can do. :)

I’ll be a good boy from now on… :p listen to your mummy and you’ll never go wrong. Happy Mummy’s Day!!!

Saturday, May 09, 2009

The Induction Week

This has been a hell of a week. Ever since I turned permanent on Monday, I’ve been super busy. It’s as if the last 4 months is just an illusion and what comes after that is the true test of grit and perseverance. I’ve been doing OT almost every single day. Though I’m not complaining, but I’m wondering how much longer can I take this. I didn’t know what I’m in for when I signed the papers. The workload was easier, but after I signed on the dotted line, it seems that the magical moment has burst and welcome to misery. Hahahah… :p haiz……don’t know whether to smile or cry. Oh well, I’ll take it as a challenge and see how far I can push myself. Just like how I completed my last 2 marathons.

LET’S DO IT!!!!

And when the stress kicks in, the yearning for alcohol heightens. Gotten my fix with Charles and what a relief it was. Beer and fried chicken wings…yummy!!! Doing this once a fortnight could do the trick for me. Any more than that, I will go broke. Kekekek… :p

Friday, May 01, 2009

BOING BOING...

My adidas Cumulus just went BOING-ing away when I laced them up. Bloody hell, I felt that I’m bouncing on a ball!!! It gave me the headaches for the 1st 2.5km and after which, I slowed down my pace to minimize the BOING-ing. It’s plain crazy!! Hahahah…shouldn’t have bought such high cushioning type. Maybe my next shoe will be a mixture of stability and cushioning…I think that should do it. :)

Walking Upright Again..

Done and dusted. Finally after 7 arduous months without a job, it came full circle and offered a permanent job in my current company. The 1 person I must truly thank (from the bottom of my heart) is my senior, Gimmy. I reckon, without his persistent recommendation, I wouldn’t have gotten it on my own merit. Ever since I was told I would not be offered this role, months ago, I had already given up…except for him. That’s why I’m really grateful to have met such a great colleague and now, a friend.

God must have given me a benefactor, in the shape of Gimmy, to help me tide through these tough times. And indeed it does soothe the occasional mental breakdown and his on-going encouragement has really helped tremendously. What made yesterday a great day was, I’m offered 2 jobs in a space of a few hours. And today, a possible 3rd. I’m really flattered that people are seeing me as a hard-worker and able to contribute consistently. Especially I was touched and humbled that the previous offer I turned down, was actually impressed during my 1hr time with them and on the spot offered me. If that is not good enough, when I rejected them today, the manager even called, hours later, to offer me the job with open arms if I were to change my mind. Suddenly I’m at the top of the world, and for no apparent reason! Life can be playing a trick on you and the highs and lows can have devastating effect on one’s sanity.

And instead of floating upwards after signing the letter, I told myself to be composed and keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. I guess it’s becoz I’d gone through so much that I only want to work hard and have a simple life. All that raw excitement has to be placed in the backseat for the time being.

I’m just glad I get a decent job and able to provide for my family again. That has always been my proudest moment, i.e. to be able to contribute to the daily expenses and take care of my family. I guess that’s what pushed me to get a job on a permanent basis.

And maybe becoz some romance has been flying around the atmosphere that made my luck changed for the better. Good vibes have been coming off the right way and hence portraying me in the right/good light. But no matter what is the cause, I’m sure glad to have a job in this time of need. Indeed.

Nothing else matters more than drawing a salary and resuming my dignity to its rightful place. A man with no job is like a pugilist without his skills. He’s crippled and forever unable to stand tall with his head held high. That’s the feeling I have for the past ½ year. I feel so small and unwilling to walk the streets, fearing that I would bump into familiar faces, and not knowing what to say when asked about my current status quo. To me, I’m just ashamed to face it, but it’s still a decent job and revealed it nonetheless. It’s difficult to walk among people when you’re jobless. Your confidence takes a beating and your self-esteem just went from 0 to another record low. It’s off the charts!

I’m not sure if anyone reads my blog, but I would just wanna give thanks who have supported me throughout this ordeal and help me tremendously and keeping me sane. I swear I would have gone to depression if I were without these people. But I’m sure my willpower isn’t that bad either. Kekeke…Positive thinking does really helps to keep your sanity in check. Without that, my mind would definitely give way months back.