Love Indulgence for the Feminine...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Out of Sorts...You Asked For It!!!!

It has been a boring week 46. The days sucked, and the weekends are worst! It practically rained the whole week, and when the sun shines today, I have no plans at all. Such a waste!!!

I don’t know why I’m waiting earnestly for the phone call, that I know it will never come. What am I expecting from her??!!! NOTHING!! So, how come I’m still doing that man :( …..when every single close friend of yours are not available, even the slightest possibility will become a huge. I know nothing’s gonna happened, and jolly well know she’s not the type of girl I’m after. But she’s just there for the picking, you know what I mean?? Anyway, I realized after taking out Soon and Irene, I don’t really have much friends to go around…especially for a simple shopping trip or just coffee. I just don’t. Sometimes, you just wanna laze around a coffee joint and chat the whole day, but I just don’t have that (at the moment). Friends are getting few and far between, at a rapid pace. It’s even faster than deforestation!

That’s why it stuck my mind to work overseas and start afresh, in a new environment with new people with new setbacks with new experiences….new everything!! It’s just a thought, which can be fulfilled if I put my mind to it…(maybe I should sign up for the upcoming seminar on working in Aussie..)

The last few days were pretty insightful when I managed to speak to Soon on many topics affecting us. It’s a good heart-to-heart talk. How many friends can I do that??? Not much…and definitely less than 5. Names that I can ratter offhand now are Jo and Irene. That’s a pretty decent tally, but I hope I can expand the group size….at least when they aren’t around, I can have some alternatives.

It’s been bothering me the past week and hasn’t been a delightful experience for me. When I begin to evaluate my life, it just crumbles before my eyes. It saddens me to see myself in this state. I wanna be happier, but it’s hard at times. My only hope now is 2010. And after reading my fortune for the impending year ahead, it looks pretty bright for me, both on the work front and love. Sounds too good to be true, but I rather take that in for now. :)

I really REALLY should forget about her (stop daydreaming, Nick!!!) and get my butt back on track. Focus on other issues and let it fade into the background…GOD, I NEED YOUR HELP NOW!!!

another sweetest temptation
10:38 PM

Sunday, November 08, 2009

96 Hours

The 1st posting of November. What a way to start this month with a bang. My friendship with Alexis got an unexpected twist and just got tighter by an inch. It all began after a week Heejung left and I left a message on her facebook. Well, she reacted in kind and left her number. I was just checking on her and seeing that she’s ok and coping well. It all started from then.

We talked on the phone for hours in the weeks that followed and it was good. Suddenly, I became her new BFF. Then last Thursday, that phonecall changed my life for the next 96 hours. I was at work and got her call around 9.40am, (just stepped into office for just 30 minutes) and she told me she gotten into an accident, and asked me to call the police. But it was a fight that broke out between her and the landlord. Essentially, it’s money issues but the mutual respect was the main blame. I’m sure if Alexis was more tolerant and tactful, that wouldn’t have happened, and she could “happily” stayed there till 30th before moving out, and NOT moving in a rush in less than 72 hours.

It was a mad rush for time and finding a place to stay in that time frame is ridiculous. I phoned all the contacts I have but eventually, her sister’s colleague ex-fiancé gotten the nice bachelorette pad for her. He was so nice and helpful. Anyone would have likened to him. Well, having a rich family indeed makes things less worrisome and everything was done by Friday afternoon. Yuppie!!! It was a really nice studio and she’s the bloody 1st tenant to move in!! hahahah… :p

Anyway, I helped her with almost everything. From the police report, to the hospital, to finding the new place, to cleaning her old room, to making sure she gotten all her details right. And she’s really a sotong. She got a shorter memory than me!! Hahahah…so, I was there to take care of the whole situation, and putting in under control. It was an eye-opener for me, as I get to know the housing T&C, SingTel service blah blah…

I got all the stuff for her to pack, so I just sit there and see. I even roped in my dad to help me get the boxes!! Kao!!…She doesn’t want me (or guys) to pack/unpack her personal stuff. I think this happens to all girls, not only Koreans. Anyway, I can’t be bothered with that. Better still, less work for me!

It’s been a tiring ordeal for both of us, especially her. I guess mentally she’s hurt and she’s in a daze most of the time….but after finalizing the housing, she’s much better. :) I, myself didn’t look good either. I slept late, and waking up early to go over and settle the loose ends. Just feel there’s a need to help her see through things. No matter what, she’s still a girl and in a foreign land…so as a friend, it’s only right to go the extra mile. (I promised HJ that I’ll take care of her…so, there I am, fulfilling that promise ;) )

If I’m gonna write an account for the last 96 hours, I think I can go on forever and write a book.

I seriously even thought of starting a relationship with her, but I guess I couldn’t find the chemistry between us and we are poles apart. I reckon she sees me as a friend too, so there’s no ground to pursue this. For example, these 4 days we have been eating in restaurants and going by cab, and definitely taking a toll on me (even though I didn’t pay most of it). But still, the lifestyle is so different, that even by compromising, it will only be as good as it gets. I admit; it’s nice to feel rich and not worry about money. It really does. But, I can’t do it…I just can’t. To have her foot all the bills, just not gonna do it for me. And to eat at those places every single meal, is also a no-no. I guess you get my drift. WE ARE WORLDS APART.

That’s why, Justin and myself both agreed that, Singapore is not a place for her. It’s too Asian and there’s too many unsaid customs to follow and to comprehend. Our culture is not something she can adapt to and going back to America is still the best thing for her. I told her that during lunch today, and definitely will highlight to her when the time comes again.

Well, just gotten a call from her earlier, and she’s gonna fly back to Korea tomorrow. I guess, she doesn’t have a choice and with her mom’s pressure, she definitely has to. Hopefully, everything will turn out fine and back to normal in a couple of weeks. For now, it’s back to taking the subway, hawker food and my trusty KDK fan. :)

*p.s. my perception of busty girls has also changed, and becoming more “Westernized” after spending time with her. I guess, somehow I got brainwashed…I don’t know how, but I did. I don’t even glance at girls anymore. Hahahah…I’m truly listening to my inner voice and that attraction to American/Aussie accented English girls has just heightened to a new level. It’s no longer just boobs, and looks. Now, it’s just the nose and perfect English ;)

another sweetest temptation
10:19 PM

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Smooth Skin..

I have been hardworking today. kekekek…I’ve diligently used my body scrub, had my facial peel and mud mask. Today seems to be beauty treatment day! Hahahah.. :p But my skin’s in pretty bad shape, so I’m thinking whether to visit Dr. Seow for the Vitamin A treatment. Hmmmm…shall call up on Monday to make the appointment. I want my smooth skin too!!!!

So full the last 2 days and tipping the scales at 67kg…my heaviest in months!!! Lucky, the coming weeks, I’m stepping up my runs, so should lose the excess in 2 months. By December, I should be back to my slim 63kg.. ;)

another sweetest temptation
4:58 PM

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Living behind those glasses...

Another emo-moment for me. As I’m writing this, I’m listening to Officially Missing You by Janice & Sonia and I realized loving someone ain’t so easy anymore. When you’re of marriageable age, you can’t love anyone anymore. You gotta plan for the future and whether this girl/guy is the one for you. You gotta screen the person to the DNA, and I’m dead serious!! Hahahah…to me, it is lah. I gotta know her family profiles, their medical background, her own health status, career, financial planning…blah blah…so it’s quite a major headache when you think of it.

I guess I’m just a worrier. I think and worry too much. I can no longer go with the flow. Time ain’t on my side man. 26 going on 27. It ain’t much but it’s 1 step further into adulthood, and it’s time I make more permanent decisions. For instance, my career. It’s not going anywhere and job hopping ain’t gonna help in the long run. I’m even contemplating to move overseas for work. A fresh start and the slower pace might be better for me, who knows?! I seek simpler life and starting a family there would be a nice addition to the picture. :)

It’s been a roller coaster ever since the annulment. It’s even more topsy turvy now than ever. Hahahah…everyone been asking why I’m still going out with Irene, and my response has always been the same. But deep down, of course I know she’s still holding out for me, but I’m can’t reciprocate the love. It’s a struggle for me too, coz I can’t avoid her and she’s always there when you needed someone, for movies, dinners etc. So, who can I turn to, when all my friends are attached??!! And they still have the gall to ask me, “why you still going out with her?”…humbug!! Sometimes, seeing a familiar face makes my worries go away, so she’s the next best thing. I wanted to shun her, but it’s just not right. We can still be good friends though. So what’s going on in her mind is totally beyond my control…

Yesterday, I was flipping through our courtship photos by accident. I was so much flesh-er!! Hahahah…and we looked so good together. :)…Thoughts ran wild, but I don’t wanna see myself becoming the monster again. Sometimes, I wish she didn’t meet me. Or, I didn’t go clubbing on the fateful night. Everything will definitely be different and who knows, she might already become a mummy. I guess, it’s her worst decision to have met me. Utterly waste of time..a time of her prime. If I can return that 3 years to her, I would…plus interest.

Though I kept complaining on having no girlfriend, I’m not even sure I’m up for it again. The whole courtship process, the whole getting-to-know-a-new-person process, is such a pain in the ass. I gotta fact find everything again, though I know I would be happy to do it if I’m in love with her. But it’s still a chore lah!! A whole new adaptation to one another’s habits, peeves, culture, can be very taxing. Falling in love can actually be very tiring and mental straining. All the chemical reactions in our body are going crazy just because of this attraction. It’s amazing, but is it worth it when all that reactions stop??

So when the perfect one comes along, what would my reaction be…………???

another sweetest temptation
9:42 PM

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Run for Life

Finally succumbed to the temptation of NOT running. Kekeek…coz the omen is so CLEAR!! C is going jogging…I saw my folks jogging…and I even saw my friend, ALL at the same day!!….so it’s a sign that I must run loh. hahahah…but I think I misread it, coz I sustain injuries even before I started running. I strained my back when stretching and during the run, I strained the muscles behind my left knee. Wah lau, just 7km and I kana so many injuries. Bo hua man…but I felt refreshed after that..so naturally, I slept well too. :)

The up side is, my appetite increased and ate like a pig!! Hahahah…next stop, wine feast tomorrow with Jo…yayz!!! ;)

another sweetest temptation
10:00 PM

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Withdrawal Part II...

Saw a young Korean girl on the way back, and it immediately triggered my memories with my yobo. :( I’m still not adjusting back to reality and life without her. Give me time….lots of it.

I’m listening to Korean songs just to feel her presence here with me. It transports me back to our past events. Nice feelings all over… :) well, I guess she’s been a part of my life so long, that she truly meant something to me. Kudos to her, that I have the songs that she gave me…muack!!!

This feeling of missing her will fade eventually, but I know it just went deeper into my heart and missing her more. ;) Our memories will bring sooooo much more meaning in time to come. :)

another sweetest temptation
3:36 PM

Withdrawal...

The activities in October had brought a great beginning to the month. Mostly it surrounds around Heejung, coz she’s leaving us and back to Korea. Time passes extremely fast the last 14 days. Before I know it, it’s her last 24 hours here…sob sob.. :( The emotions ran high for me, and practically I have no mood for work yesterday. I wanted to take leave but coz of my family dinner, there’s really no point. Somehow, I regretted it but it’s over…so no point crying over this. It’s the 1st time I feel sad when someone is leaving for good. I think it’s bcoz I know when she comes back, it will only be visiting and not permanently. So, I guess I didn’t get the same feeling when Yanfen or Jo left for Aussie in the past.

We really bonded tightly the last 2 weeks. Whenever there’s an empty slot in my calendar, I would think of her and meet up for dinner or something. Our friendship has accelerated and brought us close and I already started to miss her when I know I can’t see her till next May. Work was definitely not on my mind yesterday. There are only images of her. She’s been a great friend and I will never gonna forget her. Though I told her I will cry but I didn’t. The tears were welled up inside me and it showed on my face. There’s sadness written all over. But she kept her cool and smiled. Coz she knows we will meet again. That’s so philosophical, but I agree with a tinge of reluctance. I know she’s sad but she held it back, coz once it’s out, there’s no holding her back. I still sent her sms after we left and hoping she’s connected and indeed she was. She called and I was so darn happy!!!! We chatted a few and I know she’s gonna be ok, so that’s how it ended. :) I just wanted her to stay with us forever, here in Singapore….sob sob…

We all know she will leave one day, but I always hope that day will never come. As I’m writing this, the sadness is still in me, deeply not wanting to let her go. We hugged and I almost didn’t wanna let go coz I know it will be our last. I’m just reminiscing our good times and how it will be when we meet up again…definitely there will be longer hugs and kisses!!!

I know why Agatha doesn’t like the airport. Seeing your loved ones off is 1 of the hardest things. I HATE IT!!!

Till the next meeting my dear friend…yobo, WE ALL LOVE YOU HERE!!!!…I LOVE YOU!!!! Come back soon ok….!!!

another sweetest temptation
3:31 PM

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Definitely getting married @ 35!!!

Disappointment, disappointment….it’s written all over my face :(….she didn’t turn out the way I wanted her to be. Firstly, she isn’t the same gal I saw in Facebook. Secondly, she turned out older than I thought!!! She’s at least 32, 33!!! Aaarrggghhh!!!

HOW COME I GOT THE KNACK WITH OLDER WOMEN!!!!!!??????

I just knew that I wouldn’t have scored with a gorgeous, young thing in my lifetime. It’s always been like that all along. I thought I’d broken the curse with her, but apparently it’s still the same…*faint*

I don’t mind the age, but why give people false hopes with that 2 photos!!!!!!???? I knew she played down my expectations of her, but to that extent??!!! It’s too much for me to swallow lah…but now I learnt 2 new things. When a girl doesn’t reveal her age, she’s 90% 30yrs and above. Secondly, when she said she’s normal looking, better believe her words!!! These are the 2 things I’ll remember for LIFE!!!

Besides that, she’s a friendly person (she even shaked my hand when we meet…wah lau!! I’m not your client leh..) and very personable. But the looks department is just very off lah…haiz…at least I met her early, and didn’t leave it too late in the “relationship”. That’s why I soooooooo relaxed with her today. normally, when I’m with a “real” babe, I’m more fake and forced. But with her, I’m totally ME…

I FEEL CHEATED!!!!!!!!!

I think I’m prettier than her today loh!!! At least I resemble 99% of what you see in my photos. Really a major setback for me in the dating field. I just couldn’t shake off the “older women” attraction. It’s not my fault that they keep coming to me….I want a young child-bearing girl!!! Is it too much to ask for???!!!!

Back to the drawing board…………………………………………… sob sob……….

another sweetest temptation
6:56 PM