Losing nirvana status....

jo...yve....think i'm losing it soon...or mayb it's 1 of those days.....u know wat i'm talking abt...
i dun wanna thintk abt it....but i suppressed myself too long...it's overdue...if i can't express my love 4 my gf...then wat's e pt of holding rite....coz i express b4 n also w leeann tt....when i care too much they take me 4 granted...it's ok...e worst part is they dun reciporate....y u know hw to rec love but dun know hw to giv it back....can't they b fair to me....even they have been hurt in their previous r/s n dun wanna giv out too much....so do it mean i didn't get hurt b4???....i did!!......but tt doesn't stop me from giving my all to ea r/s i'm in....dun they think i'm human?i do hav feelings u know....i get sad when my love is not return back in kind....i wan to b loved too...tt's all i ask 4...it's not too much to ask 4 rite.....i know it isn't...

i tot time can chnage a person....once again.....i'm given the big NO in my face...i tot love can make e person open up....but i'm wrong again..y when they love e person, they dun tell him straight in e face.....i need acknowledgement u know.....u know recently i've been goin to gym n swimming frequently...tt's bcoz i dun wanna to let her think i can't live w/o her....i go out n hav a gd time...lik real....but it's a gd workout though....anyway....i didn't go online n say hi even i saw her name....but when finally she can't tahan..she say...y recently i c her online nvr say hi....i mean wat e F***!!...can't u say hi to me instead!!...can't u make e first move...damn!!...u r not e queen u know....she jus lik to take n not giv.....dun know y i so gd to her 4 wat.....mayb i need someone to shower my oozing love to.....mayb it's sth i should giv up...coz it's simply not worth it...she's not worth it...i'm not seeing any returns of love...though they say when u love someone unconditionally u shouldn't expect anything....but i think i can't do tt.....i think i've reach my peak of tolerance....tt's y i told yve...i've attain nirvana.......

4 e 3 r/s i'm in, i'm e party who loves...not being loved.....tt's depressing....it's so bad i wanted to call SOS....but i didn't....i knew my mental strength isn't tt lousy.....so i had talks w jo.....we had wonderful time together doin stuff....shoppin, dinners.....she's e guru who invented 'think beautiful things'...kekeke....i work on tt n coupled w soon chong's (yve...he's my bro 4 e past 10yrs..)ideals.....tt's when i attain nirvana.....it's pretty cool......but i feel i'm not enjoyin being in a r/s anymore.....there's no connection anymore.....but it wouldn't kill her rite...m i not a person who deserves 2 b loved....m i a person t's detinated 2 love n not b loved???....tis answer i hav 2 find out myself.....but i dun know hw many more r/s i hav 2 get hurt in b4 getting there....it's a tough road god has given me.....i wouldn't thx him now.....but i know i will when i get there.....

haiz......feel abit better aft trashing out everything on this blog....i only hope leeann's reading tis....but girls dun giv her my blog site ya.....it's btw u n me k....

jo...we must thx yve coz she giv us e brand of e cookie mix...xie xie ni....kekekee....

think i'm regaining my nirvana status again......it's nvr gd 2 suppress feelings.....i told soon chong...n i think i told u rite...jo....tt aft tis r/s i dun wanna get into another 1.....dun wanna get hurt again....n i'm not goin to let any girl take me 4 a ride again...n 4 a fool ever...!! dun think i can get such girl in sg....they r too selfish....only think of themselves......really not my cup of tea.....

*dun come n tell me i'm saying u gals r selfish uh.....u know wat i mean...