Talent scouted AGAIN!!!

Was talent scouted AGAIN yst!!!….hw lucky can I get….tis gotta b my yr!!….it was a modeling agency….yet to rec any calls frm them yet….but I’m gonna turn them down if they ask me to pay money…anyway I was really flattered in recent wks…. :p

Went out shoppin w jed….then met up w leeann 4 dinner….then belle (her colleague) called n asked to join us…I’m ok w it since I already knw her…

I played distance w leeann…hoping she’ll get e msg….i did e obvious…not holdin her hands, didn’t talk much, didn’t kiss….when we stepped into isetan scotts, she tried to hold my hand, but I slide away…then she gave me “tt look”…e “wat’s wrong w u” look….but I gave a smile back…pretending it was nth…..i even folded my arms…n she asked y…I gave a lame excuse of my arms r tried..!!….wat e fuck m I thinking??!!!….but anyway, at dinner, she sat opp me…n belle btw us….even belle noticed I wasn't s chatty n she kept looking at our expressions…..turning her head frm left to rite, n rite to left….v drama…

Belle left us aft dinner….n we still didn’t hold hands…until sera (leeann’s close friend) called…then leeann complained….”wat romantic…no loh…dun even wanna hold my hand..” blah blah….then I say into e hp saying,” thanks ah”….only then did I hold her hand…..it was more of spontaneous than wanting….also becoz I still wanna act e part of a bf…….arrrggghhh!!…..i was messed up lah…..tis issue is still in my head…..

She’s clearing her leave next wk!!…1 whole wk!!!….n she hinted to me…” rem ah…next mon I’m clearing leave…1 wk”….haiz……..i dun knw hw to handle man…….confirm next fri can’t go clubbin w ray, charles n Irene to zouk….n she even msg me saying,” c u soon k”….wah piang….hw man….sound so ke lian rite…..i’m jus not hard hearted enough to break up w her….so far she’s been understanding towards me, not smsing her, not msning her, not dating her….coz I told her I’m overloaded w work…then belle even said, they watched dvds in e office instead of e movies…..coz I nvr asked her out to watch….then I said, I watch movies on impromptu….n e timing also not rite…..wat a liar i m....feelin lik a BIG FAT CHEAT!!

But e funny thing was, y belle offered to pay her dinner share n leeann’s share??? In any case, I’m still her bf…I should b paying 4 her…..tt was bothering me loh….still can’t fig it out….anyway I paid 4 all of us…take it s a bday treat 4 her….mayb leeann’s testing market…c whether do I still regard her s my girl….but I dun wanna think so much…….bo liao…..

My head is full of possibilities….but eventually I’ll break up w her….coz we’ll not hav an ending….haiz…….whenever I look into her eyes….i couldn’t do it…jus couldn’t…….she has sadness written all over her body…..i can sense it……tiredness…emotionally drained…if I’m correct lah….if she still wan tis r/s, y e bo chap attitude…it’s high time she changed…..i dun knw she wan anot….she should sms more often to save tis r/s….n maintain it…..no actions so far…I’m jus waiting…..n I knw she’s waiting also…..so everyone’s waiting….lame….!!!….i wan to resolve tis by tis wk….i wan her to recover frm tis so it will not affect her work….u c lah!!….where got ppl break up, find gd day to do it wan…only ME!!….i’m on wit’s end man……..

My brain is telling me to break, coz no ending…my heart says, it’s not e rite way to break up, coz I’m doin so partly becoz of e emergence of Irene…true, but I’m not getting into a r/s w Irene…I jus wan everyone 2 b happy….but in actu fact, i'm jus saving my ass....watever.....!!

I wan leeann to knw I’m breaking up w her is not becoz of another girl….n I wan to keep my status of singlehood a fact, s I told Irene I’m single when we 1st met….i knw u girls out there wil think I’m a jerk n wat have u….but I dun giv a shit!!!….b in my shoes n find it out yrself…..

Jo, if u r reading tis….advise k…..i got 1 wk to go tis….hopefully…..