A Day Out.

Today I’m on leave. Went out shopping as planned & even caught a movie, Pleasure Factory. Think the movie adds more emotions to my already blue mood. The story line and music are the culprits. It’s such a sad story and made me think back on all the bad things I’ve done and the material stuff that I’ve bought & intend to buy. I feel so small…anyway with the heavy mood and dark skies (I hate shopping on rainy days!!), I dragged myself to go shopping. Can’t believe I’m saying that!! Drag myself to shopping??!!! Where did that come from?? :( But when after the show, at lobby I saw my 1st crush!! Hahahaha….didn’t call out to her, but of all places and time. The 1st thought is, “she don’t need to work??”. Anyway, it’s pretty nice to see the people I met in my earlier years. She’s my crush in Pri.5. :)

Then went Suntec for some window shopping. Saw 1 of my camp mates, but still I didn’t call out to him. Just saw him walked past. So today, I’d seen 2 people I know. Feels pretty nice.

But I guess I’ll have to record today in my top 10 list of “Worst day of my life”. Rainy weather, sad movie (suppose to be a R21 show!!), too many thoughts surrounding my personal life have really made my leave day a lousy one. A VERY lousy one. Was thinking a lot, A LOT today, even when I’m watching tv. Having suicidal intents again and I’m really, seriously, thinking of engaging a shrink. Have always be bugging by this issue for so long. I wonder when can I resolve this.

1 big discovery I found in facebook is that, Irene’s in it too!!! Found out when I invite my contacts in yahoo address book. Wah!!! Think it’s the biggest discovery since our relationship begins. She didn’t tell me, but I always have the curiosity to find out. But it’s unintentional when I saw her. Hmmm…I’m ok with it, coz she’s entitled to her privacy as well. I’m just shocked..literally. Anyway, no big deal :)

Then on Sun, when I told her I’m going Shanghai with my female colleague for business. She was rather upset via sms. She said she’s uncomfortable but there’s nothing she can do, as she’s feeling insecure and stuff. And she’s said we are drifting apart (the usual thing she will say when we are not close) and after that, she told me to enjoy my leave. Wah kao!! After saying those things, how to enjoy rite!? Haiz…anyway I’m back home writing this blog instead of shopping. Totally no more mood liao. I guess, when I’m emotional, good or bad, I tend to write it down rather than saying it out, coz it will take forever! I can be nagging at times…hahahaha…

Hope this phase will pass fast and I can get on with my life. Or I can see the shrink. Any recommendations?

p.s I need X’mas to be perfect to end 2007 on a high note. And I’m gonna get my Trek bike by end year, after my bonus!! Kekekeek… :p