Listening to Jay Chou’s music, 不能说的秘密 (I think it’s the direct translation :p) makes me looks back to my past actions. Anything I would do differently? What if I were more friendly and out-going, will I have more friends now? The lack of companionship has struck me hard while taking the train home.
If I take away my close friends, I’m practically friend-less. No friends I can relate matters with. No one to share my thoughts and companionship. Maybe in the past, passers-by see me as stuck-up or icy, and keep a distance from me. Potential friends or even mates, just stay away for this reason. I only have myself to blame. What I used to think, doesn’t works 5-10 years down the road, i.e. I don’t need friends that I don’t think I’ll call/email/sms them. But now, I really wish I’d done things differently. Maybe, just by opening by a bit will allow me to have a handful more friends? I reckon that’s true. Now, I’m just lonely. With divorce now imminent, loneliness is the only companion I have. 24/7, 365 days. I’m prepared for this day. I was in this shoes before, so I guess I’ll survive. :)
Just can’t believe I have to live out my remaining youth, friendless and mateless. Just doesn’t make sense. I’m not-bad looking, ok personality and rather easy-going. So why can’t I find any MORE friends? So difficult meh? Where have all the people went???
Commitment is a tough word (be it in a friendship or romantic relationship). Effort must be seen and felt to make all relationship to click and last. Why can’t I make that commitment? I think the time’s not right now. It’s not right for me to tie the knot now. It’s just not right…I should clearly let nature takes its course. Marriage is definitely is not on the cards now. It’s not my calling. I’m just forcing it. It’s making me miserable every, single day. I’m sure it’s making her feel likewise. I’m so confused in my mind right now, that I wished I could turn back time!! :(
Sad songs=sad emotions=tears? I believe..’coz I’m in that state right now…………………..
**how i yearn for a hug....an ever-lasting hug
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