Looking back the past photos, I feel that the only people I disappoint are my family and relatives. Even extending my apologies to Irene’s family and friends. By seeing those photos, brought back a sense of grief (maybe it’s too strong a word, but I have no other words to represent how I’m feeling). Maybe sadness is more appropriate…anyway, I’m not regretting my decision, but there is always a tinge of resentment on why I lead my family to this stage of my life. Bringing them happiness and now this. It’s just not right in my context of being a son/grandson/nephew/friend. They watched me grow up, taught me, showered me with love/concern and this is how I repay them? Many a times, I thought of not stepping on the red carpet again. And now, seeing those photos, it further cements my decision. Maybe it’s a moment of nostalgia or resentment, but for now, I’m sure it wouldn’t happen.
It would take a very special someone to make me want to spend the rest of my life with her. It would take enormous courage to make me want to change for her and knowing her family in depth. Care for her till her last breath, having kids with her, educating them and seeing our grandkids grow up as well. It will be another miracle if that is to happen. I’m not sure what God has installed for me, but I’m sure he has his ways of telling me…someway, somewhere. The Universe is self-sufficient and time will tell if the right girl will pop up in front of me one morning. Let’s see.
Tears will drop, but it wouldn’t flow now. I’m just being sentimental about the past and taught me a good lesson on being a person. I’m humbled now and will cherish my family more…especially my grand folks. I hope they can be there for me when my 1st born is here. I really do. They mean more than anything in the world. Not even money can take that love away from me.
I hope I can do enough to bring away the pain/disappointment and inject happiness into my family again. Like in the past. Simple pleasures and just lounging around the living room sofa, watching TV. Just the 4 of us. I love you, Mum & Dad…from the bottom of my heart. I wish I can tell you everyday, upfront…but I know you do, right. I hope that day will come when I say that to you both. :)
Don’t worry, I will take care of my sister when you guys are not around. I will do that with my utmost ability and no harm will come her way. That’s a promise.
Happy times are ahead of us and it will be like last time, happy and laughing. May it be like this always, forever…………………………………………………………….
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