Be True to Yourself

I guess my life is in a mess right now (isn’t it the norm??). Breaking off from a relationship and getting on to another which I’m not supposed to. It’s like everything is back to square one.

On the train ride back home, was reading through the past SMSes that she sent me, and tears were welled up in my eyes, just waiting to fall. I knew I did the right thing but I hurt another person again. :(

Why can’t she has a clearer background and we could really blossom? It’s really unfair coz things were looking up and we smoothed out a lot of issues along the way and the future is just waiting for us. But, the major obstacles were my dad and friends. I couldn’t get any blessing from them, which made things even more difficult to carry on, on my own. I didn’t tell her that, and just let her hate me. I guess, that would be better so that she can move on without any worries.

Being true to myself, I know I can’t marry her as well. I have issues too and it’s very difficult to cast it aside just like that. It’s gonna take years and maybe even counseling to make this flirtatious nature of mine dissolve.

Since the breakup, I didn’t have the time to sit down and think through this. I never had the time to cry it out. I tried to avoid everything related to her, i.e. Facebook, photos etc. But I kept the wallpaper on my mobile the same (i.e. the 2 of us) and still wearing our ring. It’s not becoz I still want her back, but to serve as a reminder of the hurtful things that I might do to another girl if cupid strikes again. I don’t think I have the courage to love again. The heartache and emotions that comes with it, just ain’t gonna make me wanna put another girl through it again. Unless I’m perfectly sure she’s the one and I’ve changed completely.

That’s why till now, I still tell people I’m still attached and the Facebook relationship status is still “In a relationship”. I didn’t wanna bother telling people I’m single now and attract unnecessary attention. I think I’ve outgrown this and just want some peace and quiet for now.

I guess it’s time I grow up and stay single for as long as possible. Stop getting into relationships, Nick!! Help those poor girls. They deserve better!!!...

…I’m sure they do. Many times over.