Saturday, June 26, 2010

It's Coming to an End.......

Why am I doing this to myself??? I’m really asking for it….I reckon there’ll be no sympathy from anyone coz they already told me the hard facts and still I lunge in into this near impossible relationship.


I’m really at my breaking point now……I need someone to talk to. I need advice. I need a listening ear. I need a leaning shoulder….Why am I doing this to myself???


I’m tired now. I can’t find strength to carry this relationship further. It’s affecting my work, my life and everything I do I can’t find the same enthusiasm. :(


Maybe the time is up for me to give up after 4 months of intensive hard work. Hard work mainly on my part. She did try, but maybe it just died down or not up to my mark. I just can’t feel it anymore. Whatever it is, I simply can’t find any reasons to move on with her. She blows hot and cold. And I can never know her true feelings and thoughts. She’s an enigma.


I’m just trying to make each passing day as happy as can be, but the strength to smile is diminishing by the minute. I can’t force myself to smile as radiantly as before. It will be hypocritical to say I’m very happy and see how each day brings us. I don’t want a short term relationship. It would simply be wasting my time and hers as well. She may never wanna get married again, but I do. So, maybe it’s time to let go and move on. I’ve not be able to get the same commitment since Day 1 and I may never get it in Day 100. I’ll be lying to myself and thinking she would, but the effect is slow and time waits for no man. I’m impatient and want things my way, but with her, I can’t. Things can never happen the way I want it to be. Plans will change or postpone, which I’m still trying to grasp the notion of “going with the flow”. I wanna go by schedule, by timeline for once….


I may be laid-back, but not as laid-back to the effects of non-planning. I HATE IT!!!! I HATE LAST MINUTE CHANGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There’s no planning together, but only me alone. Everything is planned and executed by ME…ALONE…!!! I’m not calculative, but I just want her to get involved in the planning stage. It will do a whole lot good for the relationship. Get involved or get prepared to be shipped out!!


She’s so nonchalant about everything involving us, whereas, with her friends or family, she’s so hands-on and responsive. Am I such an easy person to be bullied??? That’s why they say, “Good guys always finish last” and ALWAYS get the short end of the stick. Can’t some nice girl come forth into my life and give me the same happiness that I would grant her???

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