Being Alive is a Blessing

It’s me again. It’s a time where I’m free in my office hours to write my blog…kekeke…actually was suppose to post this last nite, but my sis was using, so couldn’t do it. Anyway, I was lost in my train of thoughts and forgotten what I wanted to write. :p These thoughts were floating in my mind during my run last night. Here’s the lowdown >>>

1. A age whereby I do not yearn for a relationship.
Hmmm…I guess it’s because of the situation I’m in now. My relationship with my wife wasn’t fantastic, so this plays a major part of it. Too many “things” I do not like about her, i.e. physical and my feeling towards. I know I know!! I know I’ve broached on this subject before, but this thought’s always in my mind whenever I feel negative towards her. I don’t know whether I should keep trying or give it up. It may be the best thing for the both of us. No point struggling to keep this relationship going and be miserable. No one has the courage to come forth and say, "Ok this is enough! It’s time to settle this and it will be better for us to go our separate ways. Period." Apparently, I’m not the strong one here. In fact, it’s her. She can bring a smile to her face whenever she sees me, not knowing where the relationship is heading. She’s willing to keep this going as long as I do not mention “divorce”.

I feel that I’m becoming the man that I loathe in my single-hood days, i.e. chauvinistic man. As long as I bring the bacon home, I need not care about the wife. But I guess it’s because he don’t love his wife anymore. I’m becoming the man that all drama serials love to portray vividly and it’s not I wanna become. I wanna get out of this dreaded cycle and leave my hometown behind me and start afresh, alone. I got tons of ideas and things I wanna do NOW, and I can do much better without the ring on my 4th finger. I can go on and on and on on this topic, but there’s no better way than writing what I feel and looking back (and reflecting) on my thoughts and actions.

2. Feisty M’sian women
I don’t know much about these women, but those in my workplace are totally bummer. All are loud, feisty like chilli padi and bloody inconsiderate. It’s as if they want everyone to incur their wrath. I’ll say, “FUCK OFF!! And get a LIFE!!” This woman (see why I never use the word “lady”, 'coz she don’t deserve that term) from my Finance department, always come down and looks like the whole world owes her. For your info, she’s no hot chick. Anyway, this week, she came down and couldn’t find the invoice, so she cursed and swear, how come it’s gone…“they have legs and could run away”. Oh come on! Be professional. Find it yourself. Stop being a SPOILT BRAT!! Just because you’re pregnant, doesn’t mean you can be a tyrant and roam the office like everyone got to give in to you, BITCH!. That brings me to this point. HOW THE FUCK SHE GOT MARRIED??!!! What’s so good in her that a man is willing to lay down his life for her??? I don’t see any quality that marks her a great wife and doting mom. I pity the kid who’s gonna inherit the same shit as her. Hopefully, her dad’s genes are much MUCH well off than hers…..BITCH..

3. Almost died from a car accident.
Last night was the 1st time I thought I could die. Just like that! This further stamps my sentiment, that life is indeed very, very fragile. I was at the cross junction, waiting the green man. Then suddenly, in a split second, I saw a taxi smash the butt of a white Toyota. The car spun like in the movies and landed on the opposite traffic light junction, before coming to a full stop. And it followed by a big “WAH” from some guy, somewhere. Don’t know who, ‘coz my eyes were so fixated on the car that I never realized, if the car spun the wrong way and back towards me, I could have died. It was bloody FAST. You definitely have no time to react!! Lucky it wasn’t a fatal accident and both drivers are perfectly fine, so I walked off. At the accident site, the stupid cyclist can even watch at the car, while it comes to a halt, then started moving his position. Bloody HELL, he’s JUST next to the car!!!! He should ran before it stops man!! Plain stupid!! Haiz….just glad all parties, including MYSELF, are good and still breathing ; )