Spend Spend Spend!!!

Ooh la la…!!! Finally made my way to get a Brazilian and waxing on my pits. It’s GREAT!!! But the stupid thing is, when I got home and check out Strip’s rates, it’s cheaper by 40%! SHIT big time man!!! But at least now I know where to go when the bush grows back again. Kekeke… :p

The past week had been the most amazing time EVER. In Shanghai, had my first ever full body scrub. My God, it left my skin yearning for more when I get back. Kekek…now I’m seriously thinking whether to sign up for any beauty salons. It’s damn shiok man. So smooth….awwww….it’s a sinful indulgence, but one that I can grow to love. :) Any recommendations? The full body massages and foot massage were good as well. It didn’t really make my muscles totally relax, but at least it’s soothing. There’s nothing more I can ask for in this trip. Fully paid spa treatments, entertainment and food, it’s the most relaxing holiday I ever had!!! All thanks to my supplier!!! Thank you Yan Jie!!! ; )

With the GSS on the horizon, it’s inevitable that the annual itch to shop is here again. But I already start the ball rolling by snapping up a pair of Rayban after my waxing session @ Penisula Shopping Centre yesterday. It wasn’t those stylo-milo shop, and that explains why the prices are cheaper than others. You can’t miss it when you enter at the front door. It’s really cool! My dad has it, and now it’s my turn. Kekek…the fashion has come full cycle. Besides that, I ALMOST bought a few pairs of Onitsuka Tigers, adidas and more Raybans! They are all calling out eagerly for me to buy them home….aaaahhhhh!!!! But thank God my brain won the battle, if not I would easily be $700-800 poorer. Proud of myself!! Kekeke.. :p

p.s. hope to rope in a few kakis for spa, then we can go together and have a great time…after that can go makan!! ; )

Shanghai trip turns out to be my turning point in life..

Back from Shanghai and I’m feeling great! More like a retreat than a business trip. Hahaha…work 1 day, play 3 days!!! That’s the way all business trips should be! The weather was great and cooling in the mornings and nights, so it was rather interesting and shiok. Only downside is the dryness. Had dried lips for 3 days, so on my next trip, have to bring along the lip balm. ;)

Had many eye-openers during this long trip. Made my virgin voyage to a KTV, massage parlor and foot massage. The former two are those with special service and it was fun! Though I did think back how degrading is it for the girls (and these girls aren’t Shanghai-nese!! They are from other provinces. The local girls are all in Singapore!!) to be in this line, so I didn’t go too far. Women in general, are treated rather badly (in my perspective), physically and morally. But at least in Shanghai, it’s still not that bad. Most are educated and feisty, so they know how to take care of themselves. But I can’t vouch for the rest of the provinces.

China is really experiencing a big change since the last time I went. Shopping malls, business towers, commercial offices are sprouting like mushrooms over the last decade and more to come. Posh living quarters are becoming a common sight in the scarce land of Shanghai. The most expensive apartment costs 110,000 yuan/sq mtr (S$20,000!!!). You do the math. And only 1 unit was sold since the day it launched. But in time to come, I’m sure it will be filled up very fast, especially the emergence of Russia and the Arab contingent.

If you’re thinking Stephen Chow’s character in Shaolin Soccer as a beggar in ragged clothes is funny, guess what…I saw a person donning those exact same torn and tattered clothes and shoes, and carrying his stuff, looking all scruffy and with his long white hair @ Shanghai. No joke!! There’re really very, very poor people but I can’t help them all. It really bugged me really bad when an old lady asked me for money and bread, and I didn’t give her. I nearly cried. I was afraid if I give her, all would come after me. If she can hear me, I’m really, really sorry about that. I wish I can lend a hand to her and all I came across, but I didn’t. Hope they make it through another day.

Through these events the past few days, I played a lot and think a lot. Both good and bad. Maybe it’s another turning point in my life. I can say that, in my 25 years on Earth, I’d experienced stuff my peers hadn’t; like marriage and divorce at the same time. It isn’t pleasant but I’m qualified to offer advice, should the need arise. I thought about how life should be simpler and family will always be there for you, no matter what. They will eventually forgive you and life goes on. There isn’t anything better than kinship. No one can ever replace that…not even your wife/husband.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, enjoy your life alone first, before bringing in that special one. It will be the rest of your life. Your fate will come without you knowing. So, don’t be in a hurry to tie yourself down and quickly deciding he/she’s the one. Take your time and choose. Make sure he/she shares your same goals and have the desired qualities you wanted in your soulmate. No need all, even 50% is a good trade-off. The rest, you have to learn to compromise. That’s what marriage’s all about. If he/she’s 100% perfect, you might be marrying God! Kekek… ;) Good luck in your mate hunting and wishes all a good 2nd half of 2008!!

A Steal!!

A cloudless sky. The dry, hot air. Low humidity. It’s a gorgeous weather, by my standards! It’s almost like the weather in Gold Coast. Thank God I went out today, if not it’s wasted again. Then it will be letting the big man down. Kekek… :p

Went to watched Harold & Kumar 2 with Justin and went window shopping afterwards. Headed to Isetan Scotts & snapped up 2 running shorts by Nike @ the price of $22.05!! keke…don’t believe it right? Tell you more if you wanna know ;) it’s ALMOST illegal…hahahahah…it’s between me & Justin ONLY. SWEET!!!

It’s the weekend again & thank God (again) that I’ve plans this week. Yiiippppeee!!! Foodie trip and chill-out with the guys will do me just fine… :p Before jetting off to Shanghai for work, it’s a much needed chill-out session to keep my mind/body/spirit sane. Hope all will ends well in Shanghai WITHOUT the hiccups. Hate it if some small thing screw the whole trip up. Praying hard for that :) You babes, better pray for me also k…

Cya in a week!! Hmmmm…you can make advance booking with me before I fly off..kekeke…at least it makes me more excited when I’m on the flight back. ;)

p.s. I’m on leave on the 9th k…so you girls, know what to do ya…hahahaha…love ya!!

Having a Miser as boss...Chey!!

My boss really is a miser, with a capital M!! My China supplier came over for meeting last Friday and as usual, we went for lunch. It wasn’t those cheapo restaurants. It’s Lei Gardens @ Chijmes. We went there a couple of times and we KNOW it’s grand and tough on the wallet. My point is, at our home ground, my boss didn’t even offer to pay loh. In fact, my supplier alllllllllllll the way from Shanghai, paid for the meal. Should set him back around $600-700, at least. WAH LAU!!!!! For once, I feel very disgraced being the subordinate of hers. People from overseas, paid for our meal HERE. AT OUR SOIL. Such disgrace. Such a loser. ‘coz at Shanghai, my supplier treated us very well, so I suppose it’s only natural for us to return the kindness. But it wasn’t meant to be.

After lunch, I went round to vent my disagreement. Telling my colleagues and friends, how can have such a boss. No wonder no one likes her in the company. No style, no say.

Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ather this incident, it further cements my/our decision to leave the company, especially the dept!!! Chey!!!!

Beauty is REALLY Skin Deep.

I guess beauty is really skin deep. As I was prepping my skin for tonite’s needful rest, it just struck me that no matter how much cosmetic products I slap onto my face, it can ONLY do SO MUCH. Unless you’re ultra-rich and have wads of cash to wave around, it’s rather impossible for mere mortals to embark on extensive and invasive beauty treatments.

The acne scars can only be totally removed by laser treatment. The foolish, including me, believed that by applying religiously day and nite, the scars would lighten and eventually, fade away. Hahaha…what foolish thought I’d been having since I was 12. It only came to me until now. Until 15 minutes ago. I believe in grooming myself for MYSELF and for the people I love. I believe it makes me feel good, and the girls feel good, looking at a cute guy as well. Kekek… :p it’s true what! But jokes aside, it’s the confidence that a person elude from his/her inner-self that makes the person sexy/sassy/radiant. It’s the inner beauty that REALLY helps make other features stand out and dazzle the world he/she lives in. That’s why some “ugly” celebrities can have such long showbiz life! It’s their confidence!! If you have that, you can do anything, conquer anything! Kudos to them.

Brow trimming, nasal trimming, haircuts, waxing, bikini waxing, teeth whitening and many other treatments are good, but if it goes beyond that and you keep seeking more to satisfy your vanity, then I feel it’s going over the board. Not bcoz I do them, but bcoz it’s NEVER ENDING!! You can never be the perfect being. God is, not us. Sooooooooo, there’s no point in pursuing something that is not achievable and be contented with what we have or can have. That’s what life should be. Pursue happiness but always question when it will be enough. Only your true self will know the answer. And only when you know it, THEN will you come to terms with it and make peace with everything and everyone.

Cheers mates!!

Bags of the Season!!!

1. Milano Duffle @ US$299

2. Venezia Duffle @ US$299

3. Casiana Toe @ US$399

All these bags are from Italian brand Floto. Based in California but Italian craftmanship. Where can you get such workmanship in this time of mass-produced generation. Aaaahhhhhh....it's oozing sex appeal!!! Totally a MUST BUY this year man!! Definitely gonna think about getting one of them after my May bonus...kekekek... :p

Help me decide girls....I'm spolit for choice!!! But it's a dilemma that I can live with...kekekek...

The Real Deal

Self reflection here. Me, me and me. Was on the train and reflected on my life. Finally I can put words into my character and behavior towards my loved ones and friends. It’s done throughout my life but just don’t know how to word it properly. Now it’s the time :)

All along I thought the reason why I tell my friends problems is bcoz I’m comfortable with them and able to seek comfort from it. However, the real reason is actually bcoz I know by telling them, they may/may not do anything. They are just there to listen and offer typical advice. From there I can tell who my real friends are and who ain’t. But when that applied to my loved ones (incl. girlfriend/wife), I withhold bcoz I know they WILL DO SOMETHING! Duh..!! I don’t know why, but maybe I just want someone to listen to me, whining and stuff. ‘coz deep down, I already know what to do. A listening ear will do.

The less my loved ones know my problems, the lesser they get worried about me. That’s how I think. It never crosses my mind that they should be the ones who are there for me, through thick and thin. But my intention is always clear; I don’t want them to worry for me. I just want them to be happy and not add my problems to their burden.

You can say I’m crazy or chauvinistic, but I rather it stay this way for as long as possible. That’s why Irene always says I’m more willing to open up to my friends instead of her. Now, here’s the reason, but she(they) doesn’t need to know. Unless I can find a gal who can break this stigma, I’m not gonna remarry.

That’s the real deal.

Lousy Increment 2008

Just received my increment letter yesterday. A measly 10% increase. HUMBUG!! Lousy man!!! Okok..I know I know…don’t compare, but it’s really not fair! Even remember telling Justin, I’ll EVEN consider if they give me $500 raise. Now, it’s not even close. Pissed and disappointed at how the company treats their employees. Unfairly, I tell you. Different departments tend to get more than the rest. Maybe our department is always viewed as the cost centre, they can’t see us saving the money for the company. While other revenue generating departments are more obvious, they are deemed as “working hard” more than the rest. This notion is a century old, but it’s still actively practiced here, especially in our local context. (US companies are more impartial and performance based, hence fairer.)

Now, my 2 colleagues and myself have made up our mind (firmer now) that we will quit in after May bonus. It’s job-hunting time again!! Intensive hunt is on now!!

p.s. I even type my resignation letter in my office after reading the letter. What irony!! Hahaahh…who cares!!

He dropped THE Bomb!

Phewwww….what a day! Boss’s not around and it’s a breeze. ;) Work’s slow and steady, but actually, there’s nothing to much either!! Kekek…Anyway, let’s get on with it…..

Jerry, my new colleague, dropped a bomb on me during our kopi session. When the topic touched on “further studies”, he paused a second before blurted out that, he actually enrolled himself for FULL-TIME studies and the semester starts in Sept, (IF he’s accepted) which he will know only in end May. Then we probed further (me, Justin & Kelvin). He said, since it’s not known whether he would be accepted, so he might as well get a job. But he did said he wanted a temp, but no luck. Then this opportunity arises and he grabbed it. “Where got such thing wan?!!”…“Where can you get the best of both worlds!” You can only choose one, my friend!!

“FUCK YOU, YOU JACKASS!!!”, was actually screaming in my head.

I think Justin share the same sentiments as me. Wah lau!! That is totally not professional man!! You’re in the real world, boy. You have to be responsible for your actions and bear the consequences. You will be definitely be CONDEMNED in the shipping industry. No one will employ you bcoz of what you did here in PIL. Bad words travel fast and wide. So beware & be very prepared. That’s my advice.

I told him to at least have the courtesy to tell my boss after knowing his place is confirmed. But I know it’s difficult and surely, get a lashing from her & HR. ‘coz during the interview, he didn’t mentioned he’s going to be doing his tertiary education sooooooo soon. I reckon if he tells my boss, she might just terminate his services immediately. She wasted so much time looking for the perfect candidate, then he turned out this way. Took her bloody 4 months (she told us the new guy/gal is coming in Jan, and it’s Apr now.). Almost didn’t want to teach him anything after lunch…just show him some data entry in the end. Anyway, I’m just waiting for the “good show” to come on. LET THE SHOW BEGIN!!!! :p

Apparently, once I told people I’m going for piles surgery, many of them came out of the closet. Didn’t know it’s such a common ailment. My friends have it. My colleague had it. So it’s pretty normal, I guess. But the thing is, most of them didn’t have the operation. So I’m contemplating whether to go or not. Hmmmm…will ask my doc for a 2nd option though. Anyway, I hope whatever it is, I’m ok :)

Was watching Fashion Ave earlier on and I’m always turned on by it. ‘coz it made me wanna shop immediately!!! It’s killing me man! This Jodie Kidd (the hostess in the show and happened to be a model..not very pretty though…kekeke :p) is always showing the great places to shop in the world, but the prices are always sky-rocket. Anyway, that’s not the point. The image of nice weather, shopping streets in Europe…oh my God!! Do I need to say anymore??!! Make me feel like packing up my bags and go to Europe rite away. Hahahah…or just Orchard?! :p Aaarrrggghhh!!!

Surgery...Medical & Cosmetic

Here’s the look babes!! Eat your heart out! Kekeke…

On leave today and went for my brow-trimming session. Once again, Susan (the boss) didn’t disappoint me. She conjured some magic and I came out looking FABULOUS!!! It’s better than the last time. Damn nice man!!! And her service is forever 1st class. Though my session costs $5, she would still treat you as VIP. That is what I call quality service from the heart. :) I even advertise for her too! I asked my MSN friends to patronize her as well… :p

But it's rather painful on the 2nd brow, and as usual tears rolled...kekeke...it's PAINFUL!!! Much more than the 1st time I went. So I made up my mind to come every 3-4 weeks to prevent such torture again. Hahahah...lesser to pluck is always better! ;) A minute longer and I would request time-out man! No joke!! My pain tolerance is low for such beauty regimes..I can fracture my hand and still tahan the whole day before seeing the doc, but this,...NO WAY in Hell. :p

Hope my piles surgery does not hamper my training regime. I can only bank on recovering within 3 weeks and that will leave me with 2 weeks of intensive training. Crossing my fingers, no complications and excessive bleeding. God!! Now it’s the time to show your prowess….*show some love big man...*

Sad...Confused...Tears.............. :(

Listening to Jay Chou’s music, 不能说的秘密 (I think it’s the direct translation :p) makes me looks back to my past actions. Anything I would do differently? What if I were more friendly and out-going, will I have more friends now? The lack of companionship has struck me hard while taking the train home.

If I take away my close friends, I’m practically friend-less. No friends I can relate matters with. No one to share my thoughts and companionship. Maybe in the past, passers-by see me as stuck-up or icy, and keep a distance from me. Potential friends or even mates, just stay away for this reason. I only have myself to blame. What I used to think, doesn’t works 5-10 years down the road, i.e. I don’t need friends that I don’t think I’ll call/email/sms them. But now, I really wish I’d done things differently. Maybe, just by opening by a bit will allow me to have a handful more friends? I reckon that’s true. Now, I’m just lonely. With divorce now imminent, loneliness is the only companion I have. 24/7, 365 days. I’m prepared for this day. I was in this shoes before, so I guess I’ll survive. :)

Just can’t believe I have to live out my remaining youth, friendless and mateless. Just doesn’t make sense. I’m not-bad looking, ok personality and rather easy-going. So why can’t I find any MORE friends? So difficult meh? Where have all the people went???

Commitment is a tough word (be it in a friendship or romantic relationship). Effort must be seen and felt to make all relationship to click and last. Why can’t I make that commitment? I think the time’s not right now. It’s not right for me to tie the knot now. It’s just not right…I should clearly let nature takes its course. Marriage is definitely is not on the cards now. It’s not my calling. I’m just forcing it. It’s making me miserable every, single day. I’m sure it’s making her feel likewise. I’m so confused in my mind right now, that I wished I could turn back time!! :(

Sad songs=sad emotions=tears? I believe..’coz I’m in that state right now…………………..

**how i yearn for a hug....an ever-lasting hug

Singapore Girls SUCKS!!

Am I not attractive enough? Why the girls in facebook don’t give 2 hoots about me?! Send so many flirts, only 1-2 replied. Bloody hell!!! To hell with Singapore girls man!! The Chinese say, “Hang up and sell”. HUMBUG!!! My decision to hook up with foreign babes has never wrong!! It further cements my decision to venture out and not look back…

It’s called flirtable for a reason. Even the less pretty ones also never replied me. Wah lau!! I really got nothing to say man. Either they don’t like what they saw, or they feel threatened by my good looks. Hahahah….anyway just fuck it. Can’t be bothered with matters of the heart now. It’s such a silly game in life. There’s much more better things to do.

What is Normality?

What is normality? The norm that is accepted by the majority of your community rite? Or is it something that the majority perceived as being “normal” and “safe”?

Saw this documentary, Taboo last night and this guy (who has transformed his body into a lizard form, with sharp fangs, forked tongue and green skin!!) said this and got me thinking. People like him are not doing to stand out in the crowd. They are just expressing their inner-most desires, wants, likes, feelings, and what have you?! They are fully aware of the weird stares/comments that they will get, but still go ahead with it. It’s their passion and wanting to change in order to live out their present shell. For example, transgender, it takes lots of courage to come out of their shell and bring that inner person out in the open and be subjected to scrutiny and disapproval. However, once that is done, they feel free and liberated of sorts. They feel they can face the world with their real self and brimming with confidence. Nothing gonna bring them down. That’s their thought. But the most important step is, getting out of the routine and reflecting on their true being. Is this what you want people to see you as? Or can you take the criticism that comes along with it? It takes guts but there are people out there willing to take that risk, just for a chance to be liberated. I feel I’m becoming one of them. Often shunned, but also often envied. Who can say, they are fully comfortable in their own skin?? I doubt all. There are always some imperfections and flaws that people want to change. A very good analogy is, having your hobby as your job. Not many people can relate to that. A very good example is EPL players. The super-rich footballers have always been the envy of soccer enthusiasts. The people on the ground can only see the dollar signs but never close to touching it. They have to slog all day in the office, just to bring back the paltry salary at the end of the month. Enough to get 3 square meals, but never enough for a posh outing in that special occasion. That’s never the problem for those rich players. They spend like there’s no tomorrow and STILL have enough to spill over for Ferraris and Hummers. Haiz…the dreaded rat race of the 21st century. What to do?! Accept it and be contented…be BLOODY, VERY contented!! :) kekeke…

Back to normality. I guessed with each day, I’m getting more and more in-sync with my inner calling of girliness. Maybe some called it metrosexual or SNAG. But I feel a girl in me calling to release her. And I do confess that, I only bring her out in the presence of close friends. Very, very close friends. Like many of us, I dare not show the true colors, as might faced with the rejection and fear that I come along with me. Conservative folks might think we’re gays and shun us, or treat us differently (complete with the “eye-ball rolling” effect). If I were to come out completely, I might have to have a 5hr session @ Strip to wax off all the hair at my hands, legs and “you know where” regions! Hahahah…anyway, that’s not the point, even though it’s a painful thought :p Ok, there’s no denying that there’s a little someone inside all of us wanting to come out and make a point. But can we do it freely without getting punched/kicked/slapped/shunned? Is our Asian society ready for that? Even the US and Europe are not fully embracing the minority. They are still casting them aside to the borders, as if they don’t belong to the mainstream community. It’s ugly, but it’s true. Inequality has been in our lives since the birth of time, and will continue to do its job unless someone stand out and make a point. A very strong point, that we belong to the same species. We should stand by one another no matter. That should what 2 million years of evolution means. To unite the people and stay as one. Not fighting one another over mindless issues. Save the Earth, Save Us. That’s the motto we should carry for the next 100-200 years, in order to save ourselves, the floral and fauna. We should take the blame for our vast development on this planet and, should rightly take charge to revert back to its original state (highly impossible, but at least make drastic improvements) and make peace with your neighbors.

Do you dare to come to terms with your true identity? Do you have the balls? The thing at the end of the rainbow is Liberation. Is it a fair trade? You decide.

p.s. off to brow-trimming, Brazilian waxing and make-up shopping!! Kekeek… :p

Suay? or just plain Annoying?

Yesterday lunch, went for porridge and with 1 woman in line, I thought it would be fast. But in actual fact, she was tabao-ing 4 packets and eating 1 bowl as well. I was like, “WAH LAU!!” Packed so much for what!! Her colleagues damn bloody asshole…asked a pregnant woman to tabao and bring it back. IDIOT!! As she ordered the same porridge as me, I thought was mine and almost whisked it away, before the uncle told me it’s her. My face instantly turned pissed. In the end, I took longer than usual to finish my meal and lesser time for my kopi break.

And today, another idiotic thing happened. And you guessed it; it’s a woman too! Was queuing to top-up my ez-link card, and then this girl took a bloody long time to top-up. And when I thought she was done, she took out another one!! I feel like shouting “F*** YOU!!” at the top of my lungs, if I can. Really ah!, sometimes Singaporeans can be a big turn-off (including myself) and inconsiderate. Gone with the world-class city status and back to more civil education from the ground.

Bloody pissed!!

Weird but True : )

Was on the train when this struck me. I realized my closest friends resemble me to a certain extent. Example, Jo, Soon & Jia Chen..and even Irene. Nice bright eyes, tanned skin, sharp features and a quirky personality!! Kekek…but the physical aspects are really true. (Jo, hor!!) And this phenomenon spread to my “mate finding” capability as well. Subconsciously, I would look for girls with those features too. ; ) That’s why the scientists said that, we tend to attract people who we feel comfortable in and to our criteria. Without knowing, we have been doing that to all our friends and lovers.

Go figure out. Take a close look at all your friends and (ex)-lovers, and you’ll realize they somehow have a certain look that is similar across the board. No wonder they say couples have “couple face” as they have certain features that look alike in each other. :p

Quite cool or scary, if you see it other perspective. So girls, now you know my criteria and remember to keep a look-out for me ya ; )

Singapore vs Lebanon

The way Singapore wasted chances in front of goal really pains me dearly. As a Lions' fan, topping the group stage as No.1 has been the utmost importance for the team. However, the woeful strike-goal conversion is a great concern.

Besides that, the defence is leaky and lack of confidence. One player to point out is, Precious. Though big and tall, he's practically a spectator in the game. Here are his weak points after seeing him in the National colours for several occasions.

1. Lack of pace & Zero anticipation
- with no pace, he should make up for it in his reading of the game. For most of the time, he's spaced out (blur) and letting attackers run him through. That would cost us the whole game (esp crucial ones) and give oppositions a boost of confidence if they score the equaliser.

2. Tall but Useless
- despite towering most of the squad, he does not utilise it to his advantage, and often losing easy headers in routine corner kicks.

3. No Confidence
- playing in so many international matches, he still lack confidence. Without an experienced defender like Aide, at his side, he's really lost. Often enough, out of position and letting his marker off unnecessarily. He shouldn't make it in the squad because of name, but on merit. On that, he doesn’t deserve his place. I can clearly say that, without Mustafic in the holding mid-field role, Precious would be exposed and unable to cope with the Lebanese players.
When he was awarded the Citizenship, it really puzzles me but I like to give him the chance to prove himself in more games before making my judgement. However, he failed me too many times and proved that he's not up to our standards.

Technically wise, only a handful is worth mentioning, i,e, Shi Jia Yi, Mustafic and Khairul Amri. Especially when Khairul is brought on. He’s a breath of fresh air! His pace, skills and reading of his marker are fantastic. He knows what to expect and how to counter them. That’s why he’s the hero in our previous international tournament!! These players are confident of what they are doing and have a vision. They know what to do before even asking for the ball. That's what makes a good football team. A team that can reach for international glory.

Among the back four, the shortest player on the pitch, Noh Rahman played a better game than his colleagues. He's all over the place; in mid-field, tracking back in defence effectively. His tenacity is what Singapore is lacking across the board. Players like him are hardworking and "never say die" attitude. Our boys should be mentally trained as well and cope with the rigours and pressure of international matches readily.

On the match itself, even if we are up 2-0, the way we played in front of goal is something that needs lots of work. Polishing the finishing touch is important if you want to set the tone of the game. Watching the boys wasting 3 chances, at least, it's a call for more training on this. Being Asian, we are smaller in built, therefore we should concentrate on technique and pace. With that improved, I'm sure we can challenge for Asian Games medals and hopefully, better our chances in the next World Cup (sooner than later).

Raddy is doing a great job and I hope he continues doing so, and the boys, show more confidence and take your chances every time.

A Boy, Not Yet A Man..

Met up with the girls (including a guy, Soon) tonite, and had the usual makan session. But that’s not the thing I wanna talk about. It’s Jo.

I don’t know why, but whenever I see her, I’ll poke fun at her or be extremely playful with my words (and being girly). Just feel that, the longer we didn’t meet, the harder I poke my jokes. I guess it’s my way of saying, “I miss you…”, “show some love over here”. The closer I am to the girl (the more I understand you and longer the time we spent, you will automatically promoted to the rank of “Girlfriend” :p), the more I’m at ease in her presence. In the 1st place, there isn’t many girls I can be comfortable with. Not even a handful. Maybe a couple (Jo’s always been the 1st, while Ser’s just promoted, but can anytime demote…not a firm candidate yet). Not easy to find a girlfriend who you can talk freely about sex, gays, tits, bikini waxing!!, amongst other stuff.

Under that playful façade, is a person who really wants your company and attention all the time. At least, most of the times :). Maybe I’m shy to show the emotional side in front of a crowd, but rather doing it in a subtle way. After all, I’m a guy (even though I’m a self-proclaimed girl, and ALWAYS WILL BE!! Kekek.. :p) and it’s just wired in me to show the masculinity, unknowingly.

So whenever I didn’t meet up with you girls for a long time, and I poke tons of jokes on you, means I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU LOTS k… :p The more, the better. Meaning, you’re someone in my life ; )

New Haircut!!

As promised, here's my pic...excuse the tardiness, just knock off from work..kekee :p

Enjoy babes!! & don't complain!!! :p

**Damn, I look scrawny!! Need more food man...

2008: A year of sorrow/worries/gloom/saddness???

Seems like the world around me is crumbling. I may have started the domino effect, or I would like to think it that way. My friends’ relationship hasn’t been in the best of times. Justin just broke off with his girlfriend last Friday. Tracy’s man may be cheating behind her back. And my best bud, Soon, is having problems with Jess’ dad. Is this the year of failed relationships or are dark times beckoning our way? Everyone is facing stress from this issue. I feel the bad aura around my friends when they speak to me, but there’s nothing I can do. Just hope my presence will be comforting for them to ease a little of their worries/sorrow away.

Has been gloomy the past week. The weather, that is. I truly believe it reflect the mood of the people underneath him. Father Sun sets the rhythm for the day and that affects me a lot. Without it, I feel lost and nonchalant to my surroundings. I don’t really care what is happening and don’t want to know as well. Like I told many of my friends, I run on solar energy. Without it, I can’t operate properly. :)

Down Memory Lane...

Late Posting dated 9 Mar 08

Was flipping through memory lane and it evoked a sense of nostalgia and guilt. Time really flies. Gone were the years of a chubby baby and innocence. I saw how I grew up; the things, the people and the love that comes with it. My family has always been closely knitted and strong. I could cry while flipping the photos; but it didn’t flow.

Somehow, I’m very guilty of letting my folks down when I reflect on my present situation. They had brought me up from a tiny baby, to the present me. 25 years on, and I have yet to make them proud. The matrimony of Irene and myself may have been the proudest moment for them, but now, I’ve crushed their pretty picture. How am I gonna tell them? How can I face them from now on? A child whom they place high hopes on becoming someone useful. A child whom they devote their whole lives to protect, provide and love wholeheartedly. A child whom they want him to have happiness and love, when they have passed on. :( sob sob…have I been such a failure to fulfill such simple requests? So just why can’t I do it, the simple way?

I hope I can explain to them eventually and they can accept it..

Earlier on, met up with Justin, and his situation had been resolved. He broke up with his girlfriend. In fact, she initiated it. To me, I feel it’s a better move for the both of them. I can sense his anguish as he put in lots of effort and heart to this relationship, but it turned out negatively. It is exactly what Irene and I is facing. She’s in Justin’s shoes while I’m in Cindy’s (his girlfriend). Deep down, I know it will be better, so everyone can move on and seek greener pastures or at least, reflect on the past and gain insight on their relationship-managing skills and their own characters.

Relationships can keep a person going, but also can “kill” them off mentally. It should be fun, loving, interesting and embracing. Once doubts and distrust have entered into the relationship, it will cause a stir and jeopardize it, if not resolve tactfully and amicably. Simple? But it ain’t as easy as it looks. Some will have smoother ride than the others. However, for those who weathered the storm, the relationship will be stronger and worth the time/effort to make this last a lifetime.

Very interesting issues we have to tackle in our daily lives at this phase of our lives. I guess at every phase, there is something that is sticky and needs our utmost attention all the time. It used to be our studies. Now it’s relationship and work. In 10 years time, it will be family. But how many of us can boast that in time to come? Surely I don’t count myself as a strong candidate, though I wish I can have that worry in my mind like my close peers. :)

Uneventful Shopping... :(

Subconsciously, I cut my hair according to Glenda Chong’s. Hahaha…realized that while I’m watching Channel News Asia. So funny… :p Maybe becoz I feel I resemble her a lot. The features, the sun-kissed tan. I reckon that’s the case :p Anyhow, looking good is still the main thing. Looking REAL good ; )

Went shopping for undies but very disappointed. Since November, there wasn’t any new designs under N2N brand. Shit loh!! So long liao, still no new stock meh??!! Actually damn pissed. Walked all the way from office to Chinatown Point, but it’s all time wasted. Sian…aaarrrgghhh!! Just feel like buying some new ones since I’d received an email saying they are having 30% storewide sale. But apparently, there’s nothing to my liking :( so sad…………

But what makes this day special is................it's my parent's 26th wedding anniversary!! Kudos to their never-ending love for each other and tying the knot on this special day 2 decades ago...So proud to be celebrating with/for them...wonder when's my turn will come.....??? Never?? :)

Anyway, Happy Anniversay dad & mum!! Enjoy this day and every other day to the fullest & stay healthy!! :)

*p.s my cam went flat, so have to charge it...so no pics babes... :p the next posting ya.

My cute haircut

I LOVE my new hairstyle!!!!!!!! I’m crazy over it…kekek…took me a few months to come up with a nice one :) and I’m glad it took that long. Good things can’t be rushed. And everyone agreed!! Once I stepped into office today, I’d gotten compliments. Very good ones indeed. Kekek…'nice', 'handsome' are the common ones. So that made my day. Soooo happy…kekeek… :p I’m cuter than life!! *and I've gotten looks from BOTH girls AND guys..kekeke... :p* totally loving the moment!

It’s like a bop but a bit rougher on the ends. Kinda layered. For months my neck couldn’t see the sunlight, but now it can. Hahahha…had a nice slope at the back and gone were the long tresses of the past. Maybe I’ll post a pic in my next post, then you guys can have a look ; )

Nothing much to write. Just wanna share my joy with my girlfriends ;p Off to more shopping and showing-off!!

Pedophile Alert!!

Saw this perverted guy on the train last night. He’s just hard-up for young flesh! A young girl, dressed in a low-cut top with her bra peeking out, boarded the train a station before him. So, from the time he came and sat in front of her (she was standing), his eyes were already fixated at her boobs. He didn’t just take a peek, he literally STARED for a few seconds!! WITH HER RIGHT IN FORNT OF HIM!! What audacity!! I don’t know whether the girl knows or not, but his actions were really creeping. Eyes bulging and almost popping out. He would take a glance every few minutes. Bloody ASSHOLE!! The sucky thing was, they both alighted at the same station (i.e. Tampines). And while she walked to the door, he stood up and had the gall to look down her top with no regards to the crowd besides him. HIS EYES MIGHT JUST AS WELL STICK THEM ON HER TITS!!! Bloody hell…a glance is ok, but that kind of action is criminal intent written all across his face. His face was damn creepy man. For a second, I thought he might molest her upon alighting from the train. I really was scared for her. Such a pedophile.

:( such bugger should not be let out of the house and hold under house arrest. Idiot!!

The Aftermath

Late Posting dated 4 Mar 08:

I’d said it. Done it. Everything was settled there and then. I can sense her agony on salvaging this relationship/marriage all by herself and still bear no fruit. I can understand the pain and anguish that comes with it. She cannot come to terms with it, but it’s a necessary evil. Somehow or rather, I’m single again and she, with an emotional baggage.

I’m disappointed things have to be done this way rather than the good old “face to face” talk. I can’t bear to see her sad face with “please don’t leave me alone” and “please don’t abandon me” look, and I’ll just crumble and give in to the situation again. I don’t want that to happen again and be firm this time round, hence the method of communication, i.e. via msn.

Her state of mind is my main worry. Until last night, I thought she would be at home, doing stuff. But in actually fact, she told me she was out roaming last night till 11+. I didn’t called her, knowing she might break down and I can’t hear her cries so late at night. For I myself, might break down as well. Anyway, we converse via sms and she made me think I’m very cruel for doing this to her. There’s nothing I can reply to her, but to swallow this down and let the world knows I’m the bad guy. There’s no better way now. Or simply, I have no more tricks up my sleeves! I’m at wit’s end. I’m no prophet at managing break-ups and relationships, so….don’t expect me to give subtle answers and 100% politically harmless replies and make you feel good. In fact, I’m wanna do the opposite. I want you to be sad, and lose hope in me…

She will be much better off without me. Honestly! From the time we got married, I can safely say, I have not been good to you. So, by leaving me, you are actually do good for my karma as well :_( I don’t want to treat you badly anymore!! So please leave me ok…It will be with deep sorrows when it eventually comes true. I want you to find a better man who can love you wholeheartedly and protect you your whole life. A man who can truly fulfill the words in the wedding vows.

The more I’m in a relationship, the more I feel I’m not capable of sustaining it with love, joy and commitment to my partner. I have always like to tie the knot at 23, 24, but I can’t. It’s still not my calling to build a family now. My mentality’s still not mature ENOUGH to hold my own, let alone another human being. Maybe I’m not created to fulfill that function. Maybe I’m just a passer-by and live out my predestined life here on Earth. Nothing big, nothing special…just a clay, molded to add to the headcount of this world. Or maybe, I’m just here to spread love and not enjoying it myself. It’s painful, but someone has to do the dirty job. But at least give me a bloody SIGN!!! God!! Chey….!

I don’t know what to do either. So don’t look to me for answers. I’m only trying out this method whether it’s workable, so pleaseeeeeeeeee keep to the confines of the agreement, i.e. no contact…even by sms/msn. But so far, you’ve have already breached all of them, so what’s the point now??? I know you’re hurting and don’t want to feel abandoned, but it’s only for a few days you’ll be feeling this way, so bear with it!! Aaaaarrrggghhh!!! Man! I think you still don’t know the rules and purpose. But I don’t blame you either. SO……just keep to yourself and stay that way till time’s up. Cya in June…if we still meet up……..

Tired…too much counter attacks since the break-up. Beginning to lose my self-image and inner soul. Just hoping this is the right thing to do, and I get it right the last time. No regrets and no good byes.

Thoughts...Ponder? hmmm...

I have so many thoughts in a day, I wish I can encapsulate all of them and ponder on it when I’m free. I reckon it will intriguing and fun. As much as discovering new territories and land! In local context, as good as striking S$10 million in the Toto draw.

Sometimes it’s like déjà vu. Feels like it happened before, but then again, never. It’s so weird and funny. Sometimes, I would just pull my hair when I couldn’t differentiate the both of them. Hahahah…can be irritating at times :p Anyway, it’s just a thought of mine to dot this down, and what better way than writing it and posting in my blog. There! Done! 2 entries in a day…pretty daunting, but fulfilling. Kekek…

Love vs Career

People say when your love life is blossoming, your professional career will not be smooth sailing, and vice versa. But for me, it’s BOTH things that aren’t smooth sailing. I guess, I’m in the rut again. It’s a bloody vicious cycle.

Little to spend, and every month has to watch my spending. It’s a damn tedious routine and it’s starting to get to me. I’m weary and lost the zest for life. Come this Friday, I’m gonna make the biggest decision in my entire life, i.e. telling Irene that we should call for a time-out. I’m just hoping to minimize the impact by treating her to movie and dinner yesterday. You can say it’s to make me feel better, but seriously, I’m not. It’s never easy for such matters, no matter how many times you did it.

So, come 30th Feb, 0000hrs, I should have make my stand, cry a whole lot and increase the headcount of heart broken females by 1.

My heart is made of flesh too. I will feel sad, but it’s more of gloominess and depression rather than out-front tears and mucus. What is said, will be said; and what will be done, should be done. By the stroke of midnight, everything will be changed and 2 lives will never be the same again…ever. I just hope she does not give up the thought of marriage again and really does hope she finds a guy a million times better than me. That would be my greatest wish.

Nothing better to do today...kekek

Had an ok day today. Pulling my hair out now!! Nothing much to do except for the change of instructions from my PM for new vessels. Seems like for every new vessel, there will be revised instructions. So bloody contradicted. Sian…anyway, not gonna stay here for long, so not gonna bother about her. And that thought belongs to other 3 other colleagues of mine. All just waiting for the fat bonus and get the hell out of HERE!! Hahahaha…

Aiyo, as the day passes, the more feminine I “think” I’m becoming. Hmmm…not sure how I derived that feeling or longing. Think I could become the next Jay Manuel (he’s the CD in America’s Next Top Model). Girly but yet keeping my man form ; ). Sounds tempting…kekekke…nah…gonna hold that thought in the back burner unless I go berserk. Hahahah… :p It feels more fun being gay than a guy. I think it comes with the package. Fun=gay?? I reckon they found in themselves their true selves and allowing that to surface and facing the world. A world that shun their species. But heck them, they go from strength to strength, and become stronger mentally.

Sweets For My Sweet??

Late Post dated 18 Feb 08

Slept for over 8hrs and I still feel tired. At least I didn’t feel the need to sleep on the train :) I guess that’s a good start? Kekeke…in that case, I must sleep at 9pm tonite! Gods MUST BE CRAZY!!…well, that term suits me just fine ;)

Watched Sweets for my Sweet, and the guests were Jamie Yeo & Daniel Ong. They made a great couple!! I’m rather surprised though. Coz not all celeb couples are that lovey dovey. They were just INFECTIOUS!! Both were bubbly and jovial all the time. I think they complement one and other very well. Just like a scoop of cold, vanilla ice-cream on a warm chocolate brownie. Yum yum! That’s what they are like. When the melted ice-cream fuses into the moist brownie, it’s just heavenly…aahhhhhhh….so sweet hor.. hahahah….that’s how the situation was like on TV. Even Jade and Michelle also cannot tahan. Hahahaha…so swwwweeeeett that they almost puke!!

Wedding bells on the cards?? I betcha it will be real soon… ;)

Month of February

All the festivities are almost done and dusted. V-day’s past, CNY is coming to an end this Thursday, 21st. Collected my red packets but yet to bank in :), however I reckon it’s gonna hit 1K and above. Kekeke…

So far, February has been kind to me. Lotsa activities and happening events coming along. Parties (healthy ones, of coz!), exercise (about time I start my regime again), talk shop (my business venture), facial (mircoderma) and brow-trimming!! (need to schedule a day to do it before month end :p) So, there you have it…my schedule for the month! Feels very shiok with so much going on. What I miss most is my sleep. Haven’t been sleeping since my FM game arrives in my hand. Been clicking my mouse from dawn to dawn!! Haha…no joke! So tonite, I’m gonna sleep early @ 9.30pm!! Seems like primary school days, but I need the hours man. ; )

Beauty and fitness is the theme. And not forgetting fun as well…LOTS OF IT!!! Mmmuuaaacckkk!!!

Beauty Treatments

As I promised, here’s the review of the beauty services I’ve tried on Saturday. For the brow-trimming, it’s fast, cheap and their friendly service is their No.1 strength. Only spent about 15mins there and off to Nik’s Maple clinic for my micro-dermabrasion. Spent 1-1/2hrs and it’s worth every min!! coz, I fell asleep during the treatment. Hahahah…but I only sleep after the Extraction step, which is also known as squeezing blackheads. *pain!!* :p The massage of various lotion on my face was really relaxing. Really looking forward to my next visit in March. At first, I would ask what were the ingredients she used, but after that, I couldn’t be bothered coz it’s too comfy!! The air-con’s at a comfortable temperature, unlike the other beauty salons I’ve been to, which can be freezing cold. This is just nice and you girls can wear a tank top and bers, and you’ll still be toasty under the blankets. :)

Off to the next beauty treatment! Hmmmm…keeping fit is on my mind now. Getting too fat of late, need to run off those pounds and get those firm legs back!! Been 2 months since my last run. *bloody hell!!* Haiz, left 3 days to run…hopefully can cheat my body to thinking I’ve ran for 3 weeks and trim down my fats. Hahahaha…

Friends For Thought..Can't LIVE w/o Them ; )

Had the best hair-day yesterday!! Ever since I cut my hair 2 weeks back, I never had a good hair-day. The uncle cut so short at the top and my hair has to be comb back like Shanghai Tang. Hahhah…but now, it’s better and today I also had good hair-day. Kekeke…so happy! :p hope it will continue to CNY & Forever!! Hahahaha…had a good skin-day as well..everything’s been so nice and good :) I think I’ll be even “prettier” after my brow-trimming and micro-dermabrasion. Like what Jo said, I will be prettier than her..hahaha…so nice hor ; ) *we’ll be pretty together ok…kekek..*

If you girls wanna go for cheap brow-trimming, go to Lucky Plaza #03-54, Eternal Beauty. Only $5!! Where to find?! It’s good recommendation from Jo. My appointment will be this coming Sat, so I’ll kiv you girls after that ya. Will comment on the skills for you. :p Then after that will be my micro thingy. (that’s what Jo called it..hahahah) Lucky got slot loh, if not will be in March liao. I counted my lucky stars!! Kekeke…so happy!! Yippee!! :p feeling all girly again…

Really feel happier when I’m with my friends. Even compared to the past (when Irene & myself are still happy together), the companionship from friends is different and to me, it’s very precious. I will just light up and become more chatty and cheeky. :p Most probably becoz I feel more at ease with them and we complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We are so good in a group. Almost impenetrable. :)

Lastly, when Jo told me how happy she was when she came over to retrieve her stuff, I feel very sweet loh. Don’t know why, but just feel sweet loh. And she stayed less than 5 mins! So far, no one has said that to me. Not even Irene (she will feel envious coz she can’t get this at her home..maybe more on the jealousy side though). My folks are always extra nice to her, just like she’s their daughter. I always feel very comforting when my friends can communicate so well with my family. But this Jo ah, always very chatty and all my aunties also know her. Hahahah…though she didn’t visit for quite some time now, they still emit the same warmth as ever. Maybe they should keep her as god-daughter. Hmmmm…a food for thought.

A New J&J is in town!!

A new J&J is in town. It’s Jo & Jo…eh…to be premise, it’s Jo(anne) & Jo(seph) kekek…a budding love is in the making and the latest news were crazy!! He made the 1st move!! I shall not take the glory of announcing it. Shall leave it to the owner to tell you folks. Kekeke… :p

Seems like my bestest friends have ‘J’ in their names. Jed & Jess and now, Jo & Jo. I’m fated with Js and the number 17. hahah…coz my previous girlfriends’ and my wife’s birthday falls on 17th. What are the odds!!!??? Unbelievable. It’s more than 1/1,000,000. it’s more like 1/1,000,000,000!! Anyway, I’m not important now. Everyone’s been fast to tie the knot. Another girlfriend of mine may hold her wedding this year-end. Seems like everyone is rushing into this. Is it the “clock’s” ticking or the ultimate act of love? I’ll let u decide.

In a nutshell, all love is great. Pursue it and you shall reap rewards. You go, girl!!

A Modern Day Peter Pan..can I truly be one??

I feel the need to write. Write about anything. Need to get the “thing” out of my system! What thing, I don’t know, but I know I just need to write to relieve myself of this boredom, stifle-ness, and more locally apt, sian-ness. Whenever I feel this way, I’ll write. Either this or watch my tv and play Football Manager at the same time. In the past, I would go to the arcade and shoot some bad guys, but now I seldom do that. Maybe becoz I’m working and no time for that anymore. Somehow I always credit all the restrictions and bad phenomenon on her. I just feel bitter lah. Marriage seems to restrict my life instead of enriching it. Now I realize I’m not suited for this holy matrimony. At least not now. Not in the next 5 years.

I don’t wanna blame her for the rest of our lives together. I may become (but highly unlikely) a wife-beater eventually. If that’s the case, she better move aside before I transform into that, sooner rather than later.

I’m feeling vexed about my marriage ever since we tied the knot. Even more so in the last few months. There’s really a knot in my chest, waiting for me to untie. Only me. I can’t breathe at times and I feel I’m going crazy. I just can’t take this lying down. It’s like forcing it down my throat. I reckon no one can understand what I’m going through except those who have been in my shoes, and I don’t expect my pals to understand as well. It’s way out of their league and rather not imposes on them on such matters. I still want them to view me as the fun-loving and jovial guy who brings joy rather than gloom and sadness. I want to be Nick again. The same Nick 5 years back and even 10 years back. He’s such a nicer person and down to earth. And he still is! But now, he’s hiding within the other Nicks’ that I portray everyday to other people. He’s suffering and I’ll try to bring him out whenever I can and as long as I can. I’m trying to cut down the number of façades, to show people the real me, but mostly just take advantage and the real Nick will just hide back in the closet.

I liken myself as the modern day Peter Pan. The kid who refuses to grow up and ignored the things that they expect him to know. On the outside, I’m maturing (i.e. getting older), but on the inside, I’m still a kid. A kid with little expectations and fun is the appetizer, entrée and dessert, every single day! I’m still not prepared to be an adult. I can father a child, but he/she would most likely to be me. Another Peter Pan or Wendy. I would want them to grow up in a restriction-less environment and let their creativity runs wild. I want them to have the things that I can’t have and beyond. At the same time, teach them the ways of the world to prevent others from hurting them. Always be truthful to oneself and live life to the fullest. That should be their motto for life, not mine. ‘coz mine’s always decided…It can’t be undone…I’m weak and I caused the downfall of myself and I blame no one.

All said and done, I wouldn’t want my children to be like me, would I?

Irene's 30th Birthday

Yesterday, celebrated Irene’s 30th birthday. The big 3 ‘O’. The location was perfect as the amenities were of abundance and lotsa shopping for the girls. Most importantly, everyone had a good time. :)

Deep down, I was actually relieved. Relieved, because I’ve come full circle in terms of organizing birthday parties for every single friend (close ones) of mine, including hers. A giant load was removed and I felt liberated, literally. I feel I’ve done my part and it’s time for me to die. There’s nothing more I can contribute and it’s time. Time for me to seek greener pasture and start this cycle again. It’s like I’m Charlize Theron in Sweet November, whereby she’s dying and seek a new man every month to help them realize the simpler things in life and spend time with their family and loved ones, instead of digging in their heels deep in their work. When the time’s up, she’ll let him go and he becomes a better man.

She’s selfless and only wanting the world to be a better place with the little time she has on Earth. I totally feel her thoughts and being in her shoes is tough, but someone has to do the dirty job. I just feel it gotta be me :p I hope I can carry on that legacy with whatever capacity I have and help as much as I can.

Love is Sweet..Hot & Sexy..I WANNA FALL IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN!!

I wanna fall in love all over again!! I even dreamt about it last night! The setting was in Paris @ an al fresco café along the riverside. So idyllic, so comforting. Somehow, I always dreamt of Caucasian girls. Oh well, they are my dream partners all this while. Kekeek…it’s all Jo’s fault! All the talking about the thrill of budding relationship makes me drool with envy. Hahahah…but I’m really happy for her. Happy that she found a new love (I got a gut feeling it will bear fruit. Confirm!) and a new goal in life. She’s gushing with “awwwww” and “ahhhh” whenever the doctor is asked or mentioned. 1st time on the phone and it lasted 45mins! What does that tell you my friends? It’s OBVIOUS!! Both of them are obviously attracted to one another. Awwwwwwwww, it’s so sweet….I can’t take it. I WANNA BE IN HER SHOES ALSO!! The infatuation of romance is so strong that sex can’t hold a candle to it. So good hor…I wish I can be in her shoes.

Just hope she’s gonna have a wonderful life hereafter. ; )

Happy 2008!!

Happy New Year everyone!! 1st day to work and I’m already sick. Kekeek..just came back from the doc’s. Taking a MC tomorrow. Yipppeee!!

Got a surprise today from my baby sis. She gave me a day free trial @ Fitness First. So sweet rite…but other fitness centres gives more than a day. Normally a week or 3 months. Quite stingy hor. :p But nonetheless, I’m going next Friday after work. Yve will be there, so hopefully I can bump into her :)

The year kickstart to a pretty decent start. Just hope it will gain momentum and can only gets better.

Hmmm…hope I can gain more girlfriends lik Jo, i.e. share the same mentality, personality (craziness and easy-going) & love shopping!! I just feel these people keeps me happy and hope I can get to know them..hopefully :p Oh ya!! And she must stay within 1km of my home radius..hahahaha..it’s not impossible. Just need more effort & LOTSA LOTSA Luck.

Kudos to my dearest girlfriend, baby sista, good buddies for being here for me in 2007 and continuing to stay here in 08 as well. Love ya lots!!

LIFE

Ain’t Life great! Think about it. It’s the only thing in the whole wide world that gives you 2nd chance in your life. Not even your girlfriend/boyfriend does it without thinking twice. Life’s has its means and ways to let you in on the little secrets of this planet, and you’ll get to know a little more of yourself everyday. It’s self-discovery everyday! It’s your own Truman Show. :p Ya ya…is it making sense to you?! Kekeke…I’m smart right… :p so after all, I’m not a himbo. Hahahha…

We don’t have to complicate matters by twisting and turning the same ol’ issue/problem day in day out. Draw out the “main” point, decide whether it’s worth your time to make/break and get on with it. You’ll suddenly feel time is more flexible and you can do more things!! Life’s simple, don’t make a fuss out of it. LOVE LIFE!! LOVE ME!! (me represents yourself, but I don’t mind more people loving me. Kekeke…)

This thought just came into my mind and I thought I just share with you guys. Ehhh…only a handful who bothers to read my uninteresting blog, i.e. Jo, Yve & HS. :) I’m not that popular, you know :( Anyway, keep that in mind and it might make your Life simpler, easier and happier. Perk up!! Life’s GREAT, go out and have fun!!

p.s. see why I put a capital “L” in Life. It’s real important and you should love it more than anything. Love thy neighbours, friends, strangers and family. Keep it real folks ; )

National Treasure...Brings out the patriotism in me..

Had a great party on the Eve of X’mas. Partied till 4am and hit the sack. It was really really fun and everyone was enjoying themselves. Everyone sang to his or her hearts content, except HS…poor girl. She was sick and hope she recovered fast. :)

This year, I was in the mood of giving (as the Chinese like to say, “too much money, don’t know where to spend” mood) and bought everyone I love and born with, a prezzie. Including my couz! I reckon it’s my 1st time. Received lotsa this year and I truly adore all these people. People who love me all year round and since I was born. I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!!!! Muuuaaaccckkkk!!

Went to watch National Treasure yesterday. It didn’t fail me. The story was intriguing and as expected, kept me at the edge of the seat, literally. I guess there’s a part 3. Can’t wait for the next installment!!! The script writers are damn bloody GOOD!! Go watch it if you still not yet done it. I guaranteed you wouldn’t regret it. ; )

Actually this posting was due yesterday, but my sis's lappie went down, so my dad gotta use the connection to repair. Anyway, I'm just glad I FINALLY gotta post it..Aaaaarrrrggghhh...kekeeke.. :p

NYE here I come!!!

Mad X'mas Shopping!! & I dreamt of my sista...kekekek

Actually this is an overdue posting. Kekekek…writing this JUST for Yve. ‘coz I dreamt about her 2 nights back and it’s due to the fact that she called me in the day. Weird rite? Hahahah…anyway it really nice to dream of my baby sista and how I wish it’s real. ; ) oh ya, and she’s really hot now!!! Just chat with her through MSN and you can see her display picture is totally pro-looking and HOT!!! But she just played it down and be humble. Silly girl. :p so if any guys wanna chat her up, contact her through me!!! You wouldn’t regret it. ; )

My 1st day of work back from my trip is really slack. Though piled up high with papers and emails, I selectively chose those that require my attention and left the rest till Mon. I’m too distracted with the season to be jolly and shopping!! Hahahah…went shopping again yesterday, but it’s for my couz. Only bought CDs for myself. My back’s hurting and have to cut short my trip loh. So sad man. Still have Suntec, Marina Sq, Bugis Street to conquer!! Hmmm…looks like I can only go after X’mas. Post X’mas SALE!!! Hahahaha…I’m going crazy now..stupid sales everywhere!! Aaarrrggghhh…..kekeekek :p

Back from Shanghai!

I’m back from Shanghai!! It’s pretty chilly over there…It’s my maiden voyage over there, so a bit sua ku. Kekeke…1st day was about 5 deg, 2nd was hovering 5-10 and today is the hottest at 15 deg, and you only need a thermal wear and a normal jacket will do. Lounging the thick coat is bloody heavy. Anyway that’s not the point.

Had a great time seeing the culture and the people. Friendly and polite. And my supplier and his employees are sweethearts. They treat you like king and always have your best interest in mind. Was somehow humbled by the experience and would look forward to going there to meeting them and knowing them on a deeper level. Nice people :)

Hopping Mad!!

BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m bloody pissed with the weather, man…I didn’t take leave just to stay home!! I need to do my shopping!! Aaaarrrggghhhh!!! The whole day is raining non-stop. Don’t know when will stop. The shitty weather starts since the turn of the month. Unbelievable!! Nothing to say liao. Too mad to write. :<

Life: Leaders or Supporting Cast

Everyone has a role to play and that’s the way we are created. Just like in the movies, there are the leading man, supporting cast, director, screen-writers, lighting guys, props team etc, it applies to life as well. Not everyone can be the lead actor. Some are more suited to be supporting cast, just like me! :p I know that ever since I’m in my poly project teams. I’m a very good assistant to the leader, but not a good leader. I always feel that I can build on an idea but never come up with an initial brilliant suggestion. So, I’m resigned to being 2nd class and know my place in life. To me, leaders are born, not cultivated. No matter how hard you train the person, he just can’t succeed that leadership role because he’s just not built for that role in life.

But don’t be despair. Leaders can’t do their job well without his trusty side-kick. He’s the one who organize the nitty gritty details so that the leader can perform and sell to the crowd. That’s why Soon and me are always great partners. We know when to excel and when to retreat to optimize one another’s strengths and cover one’s weakness.

But there are times whereby the supporting cast has to step up if the leader is gone and out. It’s the time to perform and it takes lotsa guts and determination to make the rest convince you can be a leader. For e.g. I was pushed to become a leader in my final year of undergrad studies. No choice, ‘coz after the 1st group meeting, I know I can’t count on my mates to lead and do the work. So, I stepped up and lead their thru. I pumped in double the effort to ensure my team succeeds, and WE DID!! So I was very proud with the end results and got pretty decent grades. That was my defining moment. If only I can capture that on film. Kekeke…

So, enough said. Everyone needs everyone. No one can perform without each other. You can’t live in a world of pure leaders or vice versa. It has to be a balance. It’s the whole eco system of life. Just like a food chain. Some are the prey and some are the hunter. No prey, no hunter. Simple?

I still love myself for who I am. Laid back, always looking cool, but when the time for me to step up, I know I can do the job. So, for the time being, I’ll just let the others shine while I support them wholeheartedly and happily. ; )

2nd break-up in 2 weeks..

Tracy just broke off with her boyfriend. It’s the 2nd break-up in 2 weeks!! Sheesshh…What?! Is this the month of break-ups or the best thing to do before the New Year. I could join their club before year-end as well. Hmmm…

I think of it as freeing oneself from misery, since both parties are unhappy and what’s the point of staying together? It can be just liberating as skinny dippy!! Life is all about getting together and parting. It need not be sad and solemn. It’s just that the time is up and it’s time to move on to other things..other happier things. Sadness is the first thing that creep up and tears are natural and free. Cry for all you want, but it’s a form of liberation too. After the tears dried up, you are the same o’person that we know. If both parties can’t see eye to eye anymore, or their ideals aren’t at the equilibrium, the alternative route is “exit”. I know it’s the easy way out, but why make things difficult for each other and drag the whole issue for months and even years. (as if I’m talking about myself…kekeek..) JUST DO IT. Period!!

It’s not the end of the world. Suit up and hit the track. Sports, shopping and traveling is the BEST-EST way to beat this and boredom. Rope in your girlfriends or guy pals and you have yourself a rolling good time!!! Woooooo!!! Hahahaha…Jo, let’s go shopping!! Kekeke… :p

My 1st 42.195km medal!!!

Completed my 1st (hopefully not my last) marathon!!! Woooo!!! It’s a FANTASTIC feeling crossing the finishing line. Especially when you preserved with 2 of your bestest friends of 10 years, it makes it the more sweeter. The crowd’s gone, and there no cheering but we still are more than happy to indulge in our own world of happiness and joy. Soon and JC had busted knees and I had busted ankles. It’s bad, real bad. Soon couldn’t even walk after the race. And bloody hell, there’s no available cabs in sight, so have to dial for one.

We had a bad tan but it’s worth it. Hahahha…it’s been a long time since I went for one :p Oh ya, we finished in 8hrs 15mins. I could have finished ahead of time but definitely without my pals by my side. We stopped at 19km and WALKED the rest home. That’s 23km of heat, sweat and dragging our battered bodies. I could psycho myself past the pain barrier and ran at least another 5-10km, then I’m done, but we made a pact to finish together, and we did :)

I’m pretty sure we are the last few that made it back alive. Coz if you’re at the back, it’s all the injured participants who die die want to cross the line and get their winner’s tee and medals. Commendable!!! Old uncles, aunties, they are all zooming past us and we can only watch. Hahah…

Now that I had completed 2 categories of the 3, the next event will be 21km. *must complete the trilogy ma…kekeke* Then after completing all 3 events, it’s freestyle and can complete in any category I want. Hahahah…that’s what we 3 decided during our run.

So next year, Jo, Irene, Ser, Jess and maybe HS you can join us for the run and we can have lunch after that!! I promise we will not come in 8hrs. hahaha…in fact when we past the 19km mark, it’s only 3hrs, so it’s a pretty decent result ; )

Till next Dec for our annual marathon running!! Start training now, girls!! :p

Best Birthday EVER!!! 2007 is a year to REMEMBER!!

Rui En believes in this and I guess it makes A LOT of sense. Quote:

“you try to be somebody for everybody, but in the end, you are nothing to yourself”.

It’s something along this line. It’s very true man. Everyday life, you try to be a son, father, boyfriend, husband to someone that she wants or hope you to become, that you lose your self-identity and become an empty shell. You don’t know what you really want to be for YOURSELF. So this ties in with my earlier quote of “you are only responsible for your own happiness”. Only God can bring happiness to everyone, not us, mere mortals. Let him go wonders. He only created us to be responsible to oneself and no one else except to Him.

Very interesting quotes I’d heard recently. Maybe it’s showing me a sign that it’s time to take action, and it’s the “best” time to do it. I’m bidding for the right time and hope for the best. You guys, especially Jo, should know what I’m talking about ya? My marriage.

Anyway, received another FANTASTIC prezzie today. It's the very nice and very expensive Korea Soccer Jacket. It costs $109 man!!! It's very very very sweet of the guys. Really touched that they make a point to make me feel special when they are busy with their exams and work. It's definitely the year to remember. :) They are the best-est friends any human being can get!! You guys win hands-down!! and feet too!! keekekek...I'm really really humbled and greatest honour to have you guys as friends in this lifetime. I really am :) Hope our friendship will last this whole lifetime and strengthen as time grew old with us. Hurray to our bond!! (this goes out to Jo, Soon, Jess, HS & Serene) Thank you thank you thank you!! love you guys to bitssssssssssssss!!!!

Wish me speedy recovery for Sunday's 42km marathon..

Was sick from Monday until today. Feeling MUCH MUCH better!! My company doc suspects I may have stomach ulcer :( But I totally agree with him too. Most probably I’ll go back to him after the marathon to do the scope. *Company pay ma…kekeke.. :p*

Even when I’m sick, I still insist on recovering my health back and go for Sunday’s marathaon. 42km!! No joke man!! Now I need my health and strength back before Sat, or else it will be very very difficult.

Wish me good health and speedy recovery, girlfriends!! ; )

It's my 25th BIRTHDAY!!

*here's the pics of my shopping and caking cutting "ceremony"...kekeke:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I’m a quarter of a century old!!! Steady right…kekekek…only 25 lah!! :p In my years on Earth, this year is the ONLY year that I received the most prezzies!!! Yiiipppeeee!!! I LOVE them all!! Coz it’s a gift from the heart :)

Here’s the low-down of my lovely gifts:

1. Tee & ear-rings from Irene
2. Cuff-links & “Love” letter from Jo
3. Polo Tee & Roses from Tracy
4. “Tiramisu” cake from Yve
5. A surprise gift from Annie (Irene’s friend and yet to receive..)

and various red packets from my folks and my grandparents :). And today, after a good dinner at the zi char stall opposite my block, we had cakes!! YES! 2 cakes!! One is a hazelnut chocolate cake from my sis and another is a blackforest from Irene. And they both taste FANTASTIC!! But I’m more inclined towards the hazelnut. Kekeke…v v v v NICE!!

And yesterday after our collection of the race packs, walked about the Sports Expo. Then spotted a water-bag & sunglasses!! It’s bloody nice & cheap loh. The bag only $48 complete with the bladder and the shades only $145 with 2 extra interchangeable lenses!!! Aaahhhh!!!! It’s a great deal to resist. So, I bought them today, just to buy these things. Then went Suntec to jalan jalan and bought this nail care kit from Israel. It’s those cart stall and surprisingly they have 3 other outlets in Singapore, i.e. Great World, J8 and Vivo. Anyway, it’s 45bucks for 1 set and 2 for 90. So I got 1 for myself & 1 for Irene. SHIOK!! Today I’m super broke liao…hahaha…but it’s worth it ; ) definitely going there again to replenish my stock when I’m done. They have other dead sea products as well. Kinda reasonable price and they have a website as well, so it’s pretty easy to know their products. Try it, it’s http://www.vardimigdal.com/. And I don’t have commission by recommending this. Hahahah… :p

And i was talent spotted again!! kekeke...It's my 3rd time. Anyway I gave that guy my no. but I'm not going to go for anything. Just feel shiok about getting spotted again, means I'm handsome!! kekeek.. :p

Ok lah, I need to polish my nails now!!

Met my ex & Justin's in trouble..

Knocked into Lee Ann today at Amoy food centre! Actually didn’t notice her, but from a distance, I can sense that there’s a babe in front, so when I look up, it was her…hahahah…my 1st reaction was, “What should my reaction be?”. Coz our last conversation was that she’s pissed that I kept delaying our dinner, but it turned out ok. We said hi’s and she’s looking good, but her complexion may have been a tad off. Kekeke…anyway everything’s ok. At least she’s smiling at me :)

There’s always 2 sides to a coin. When there’s a good thing, there’s always a bad thing happening soon. It turns out to be Justin. His relationship with his girlfriend has taken a toil. Most likely they are breaking up soon. Hope everything’s ok with him. The last time when his girlfriend initiated the break-up, he just teared when I asked him. It’s my 1st time seeing a guy cry. He’s very much in love with his girl then. But now, his girl is giving out signals that they should part ways. I feel it’s good for him, coz in his current state, he’s like having no girlfriend. She’s practically working everyday and when she’s on off, they barely spend 24 hours together. Oh well, I just hope he will be ok and keep himself occupied.

Another Pressie!!

Had received my “real” gift from Tracy. She bought me a Tommy Hilfiger polo tee!! It’s costs a bomb man…coz she passed me the receipt in case the size doesn’t fit and need to exchange. Hahhaah…1st time I know how much my birthday pressie costs.. kekeke…but she a keen eye. Even she haven’t seen me for soooooooo long, she still manages to guess my size. Not too bad my girlfriend…hahahah… :p

Nothing much to say. Only my pressies for this month…kekeke..more to come??

Self Reflection...and it's from TV!!

This morning was watching the show, 7th Heaven, and this phrase really struck me:

“You are only responsible for your own happiness.”

People will always be heart-broken when a relationship fails, and tears are inevitable. But it's alrite. It's not your fault if things aren't going your way and everyone may see you are the "bad guy". You don't have to answer to any of them, only to YOURSELF. I feel that we can always reflect on this when we are confused or on wits end. If you can’t be happy, how can you spread it to others, i.e. you loved ones, friends etc. Hmmm…I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. After hearing this, everything becomes simpler and less confusing. Nothing matters more than my own happiness. Every other thing will take care of itself and time will heal all wounds. I hope all the people who are experiencing what I'm going through, to be able to find strength through his/her friends and family and also through the things they do. :)

See! Who say TV is a bad thing…you can learn a thing or two from watching TV 24/7. hahahah…

My BIRTHDAY!!!

Had a very hectic week..a lot of urgent stuff and was busy like a bee. Even went to work this morning, which only applies when I’ve tons to do. But it’s alrite, I don’t mind coz the workload is really great this time of the year.

But my week was sweet coz I received a birthday prezzie from Yve!! It was the 1st thing I see when I came back yesterday. My mum even sms me that I’ve a parcel. Didn’t know who’s the sender until I opened it. It is a tiramisu cake!!! It’s fake of coz..but it was damn real!! She’s e sweetest sista ever!!! Hahahahah…really very touched coz she’s know doing her FYP and her exams are near, so it makes it the more sweeter!! ; )

So far, I’ve received 2 prezzies. Had a nice bouquet from Tracy and now, my sista’s “cake”. And come Mon, Tracy’s gonna pass me the “real” birthday gift…hahahahah…so happy!! 1st time received so many things. Really appreciated these people who remembered my day (and those who yet to pass me theirs…kekeek)…love ya guys!!

Can’t wait for Mon!!! Muackk!!

What's your talent?

What's yr talent? hmmm...i don't know mine even after 24yrs!! Kinda distrubing...i always believe we are made to do something on Earth. Something unique from others...what's yours, if you've found it??

Now preparing for X'mas, so gotta send out ideas for brain-storming...hahahah...hope it will be better than 2006. Gotta run off and write the email now, Jo... :p

You guys just remember to reply me fast...and i mean FAST!!

I wanna be a DAD!!

Just watched the show, The Game Plan. Pretty good and heart warming. Suddenly have the urge to go have a kid right now!! Hahahah…coz the kid is so cute and you wish you’re the dad. Maybe my biological clock is beginning to tick. :p But I’m always worried my kid will turn out wrong…maybe too educated and watched too much documentaries. Make you kinda uptight about conceiving. Anyway, I love kids, so I hope they will come soon but I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna with my wife.

Reassessing the situation now, so no worries guys, I know what I’m doing :) Back to kids, they are so cute and lovely but also a lifetime of commitment. So must make doubly sure before doing the most major thing in your life.

Have kids, that’s where you’ll truly know the meaning of love…pure innocent love ; )

A Day Out.

Today I’m on leave. Went out shopping as planned & even caught a movie, Pleasure Factory. Think the movie adds more emotions to my already blue mood. The story line and music are the culprits. It’s such a sad story and made me think back on all the bad things I’ve done and the material stuff that I’ve bought & intend to buy. I feel so small…anyway with the heavy mood and dark skies (I hate shopping on rainy days!!), I dragged myself to go shopping. Can’t believe I’m saying that!! Drag myself to shopping??!!! Where did that come from?? :( But when after the show, at lobby I saw my 1st crush!! Hahahaha….didn’t call out to her, but of all places and time. The 1st thought is, “she don’t need to work??”. Anyway, it’s pretty nice to see the people I met in my earlier years. She’s my crush in Pri.5. :)

Then went Suntec for some window shopping. Saw 1 of my camp mates, but still I didn’t call out to him. Just saw him walked past. So today, I’d seen 2 people I know. Feels pretty nice.

But I guess I’ll have to record today in my top 10 list of “Worst day of my life”. Rainy weather, sad movie (suppose to be a R21 show!!), too many thoughts surrounding my personal life have really made my leave day a lousy one. A VERY lousy one. Was thinking a lot, A LOT today, even when I’m watching tv. Having suicidal intents again and I’m really, seriously, thinking of engaging a shrink. Have always be bugging by this issue for so long. I wonder when can I resolve this.

1 big discovery I found in facebook is that, Irene’s in it too!!! Found out when I invite my contacts in yahoo address book. Wah!!! Think it’s the biggest discovery since our relationship begins. She didn’t tell me, but I always have the curiosity to find out. But it’s unintentional when I saw her. Hmmm…I’m ok with it, coz she’s entitled to her privacy as well. I’m just shocked..literally. Anyway, no big deal :)

Then on Sun, when I told her I’m going Shanghai with my female colleague for business. She was rather upset via sms. She said she’s uncomfortable but there’s nothing she can do, as she’s feeling insecure and stuff. And she’s said we are drifting apart (the usual thing she will say when we are not close) and after that, she told me to enjoy my leave. Wah kao!! After saying those things, how to enjoy rite!? Haiz…anyway I’m back home writing this blog instead of shopping. Totally no more mood liao. I guess, when I’m emotional, good or bad, I tend to write it down rather than saying it out, coz it will take forever! I can be nagging at times…hahahaha…

Hope this phase will pass fast and I can get on with my life. Or I can see the shrink. Any recommendations?

p.s I need X’mas to be perfect to end 2007 on a high note. And I’m gonna get my Trek bike by end year, after my bonus!! Kekekeek… :p

Jo, my BEST-EST gf!!

Been an ok wk. My dad bought a new digi cam!! It’s the newest Lumix!! 8 mega pixel..now I can take more pretty pics with it, and w/o the red eye effect…arrrggghhhh.. :p

Had supper with Charles and Jo. Pretty good and relaxing. Hope it can last forever. Really need the time out with my pals, esp Jo…miss her lots when I’m feeling down. Don’t know what I’ll do when she’s away. Just like the time when she’s in Aussie. But I’m just glad she’s back for good. I guess she’s like my pillar of strength, even though she’s not by my side most of the times. But because we connect at a level where no one can go to, I feel she’s the only one who can understand me, and I can truly be myself, i.e. being all girly and stuff…hahahahah…and there’s no judgement, I’m very sure of that!!

She’s my best-est friend EVER!! Love her lots and it hurts when she’s sad and tear. I don’t know how to put it in words lah. But it transcends beyond basic friendship, coz we are always standing by each other and try to be there for one another. We just LOVE each other too much!! And losing our friendship is totally out of our question.

I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s married and have a family of her own..hmmmm…I guess, I’ll miss her lots ba. Just don’t move her home too far from mine, if not it will be even more difficult to meet up!!! Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! That’s unimaginable!!! Hahahahah…

This post is just for her. Don’t think I dedicate a whole post to her yet, so it’s about time I do it. Coz I love my best buddy, best-est gf, best-est shopping companion..kudos to the best human who has prettify my life in the last 6 years and more to come.

Love you!! Muacckkk!!! *hugz*

Deepest thoughts...on the edge...

All my life, I’ve been pleasing people, being there for them and be their friend/confidante…but when it’s my turn to be depressed/sad/suicidal, where’s everybody? And of all times, I have to choose to be in this state of mind when everybody’s busy with school/work/lives. Just my luck, isn’t it?? God, how come you’ve created me this way?? Why do I have to endure all this??!! I’m your child, but why can’t feel any love and care in this world, where I’ve given out so much to other, but received none. Am I not deserving of such love? I’m flesh and blood, body and soul too. Can you take a pity on me and give a little more to me in this period of desperation..?? I’m begging and asking, as you said,“ ask and you shall receive”. And I’m sincerely doing that now.

They said, “walk a mile in their shoes before judging them”, but I’ve walked in so many of them, felt their needs and empathize with them. But has anyone really walked in mine?? Is being a goody two-shoe, nice guy always an easy target for bullies and unfair treatment? What it takes to live on this planet? Questions questions questions…who can truly answer them?????????????????????????

I tried my best to treat everyone equally and help within my power to make each party happy, but always gone unappreciated. No “thank you” or “謝 謝”or “sorry for all the trouble you’ve gone through”. I’m always saying all these but never on the receiving end of such compliments and gratitude. I’m such a safe guy and playing it safe all my life. Sometimes I just wanna let it all out, but the consequences will be disastrous. Tried once and got a heated argument with my dad. It’s not worth in the end. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

I can safely say that I’m a good friend to my close friends, and try my best to be there for them. I hope they felt that too. Your good friend here, really need some loving here, if you are reading this. I don’t need words, just a shoulder to lean on and lots of love. Love, that I can take to the grave with; held closely to my heart. I can forsake love of another woman but I can never do without love from my family and friends (only the closest ones). As I’m growing up, I am slowly realizing that loving another woman is becoming less important, and what I must pursue is, friendship love. The closest kind. The kind that is pure, no prejudice, and ever committed. No storm can waver this bond. I need that. Deep and long-lasting.

I finally learn the true meaning of soulmate. After so many years of watching drama serials and being in so many different relationships (i.e. friendship, family, BGR), the definition is simple. A person whom you will turn to when you in trouble/sad/happy/afraid, and she/he is the 1st person you can think of, way after the honeymoon period. A person whom you can share a meaningful conversation with and feeling no inhibitions when baring your soul. A person who gives meaning to your life and adds value to your existence. A person who knows how to make you tick, emotionally/sexually/physically. Is it very difficult to find here, in Singapore?? It’s sure is, coz I haven’t found mine yet. “YET”, is a good word to use here, meaning there’s still hope of searching during your time on Earth. It may takes a lifetime to find it, but I wouldn’t mind doing that, if it takes me to every corner of the Earth. But I reckon, by the time I reach the 1st corner, I may be too old to reach others.


I think this time round; I’ve really reached my max. With my training on hold, I’m feeling more and more lethargic and having a wandering mind. Thinking too much is certainly bad for health. Don’t know how come all those great man can think so much everyday…hmmmm…I think I’ve to join Serene in Down Under. Hahahah…seriously, I’m contemplating that, but it just doesn’t fit into my schedule. The next plan is, getting a bike and starts cycling and gets my training regime back on track, all at once. I hope I can find the strength (mental) to kick-start all these again. Feeling very drained from thinking about Irene and me. All the permutations/outcomes/consequences are killing me everyday. I just can’t get it out of my system!!

I don’t like to rely people on emotional needs, coz I know they can’t always be around when I need them. I would wallow in self-pity instead of intruding on others. I don’t wanna owe anybody anything. I don’t wanna them to feel obliged to do it for me, just because they are my friend and unable to reject me (coz I’d been there for them). I don’t want that. I DON’T NEED THAT. I just need a friend to have a conversation with and share the good times of the past.

Can you do that?

24th Nov 1982...25 yrs on..

Had a pleasant surprise last fri at work. Someone sent me flowers!! Hahahah…actually I know who it is when I received the phone call from my receptionist. Coz she’s the only person who will send me flowers out of so many friends. And also, only she and my wife have my office address, so that makes the guessing much, much more easy. It’s Tracy!! Kekeke…she was weird from that morning onwards, asking me whether I’m working that day. But still it didn’t struck me as something funny, coz she’s always forgetful. Anyway, when I got the flowers and got a few stares and looks…the feeling’s SHIOK!! Reckon I’m the only guy in my level, or maybe the entire building, to have flowers at his desk. It’s 6 stalks of white rose with a cute teddy. She’s the sweetest, isn’t she?! And it smell pretty nice too. Most probably it’s my 1st and last time ever, to receive flowers from the female species.

Very heartwarming and very special. Definitely made my day and days to come. This is my month. It’s my birthday. Another year past, another year older. Well, any wishes? Nothing in mind though. Good health to my family and myself, and my close friends too. But the biggest wish of all might have to be, to be able to rid myself of the predicament I’m having between Irene and myself. Hope it will be settled, bad or good.

Gonna live in the moment and enjoy myself while I can and planning my X’mas shopping way ahead of time to get prezzies for everyone I love.

Love ya.

Shitty Bullies

I always have the impression that buyers/purchasers are very prestigious posts and unrivalled. But reality sinks in and it’s totally loop-sided. People will make use of us to arrange purchases and I mean, EVERYBODY. There’s no “please” or “excuse me” here. You just have to do it, even you’re not asked to directly. So, whenever you see “S&P”, you know you got a job at hand, without being told. And if by any chance you didn’t see it, arrows will come piercing through your heart, and people will hound after your blood. Even so, we still have to be polite and courteous, at our boss’s instructions. We can be assertive but not rude, and always be professional. How to do that, when everybody else’s is not doing it. It’s not fair. LIFE’S NOT FAIR. Grow up now!!

When they need our help, they are very nice. But even that, is on the rare occasion. And when we require their assistance (even on the minute basis), they will be haughty and shun us away like houseflies. We are like admin, but come to think again, it’s WORST than admin. Even the cleaners garner more respect than us. There’s no respect for our services and personnel. Luckily, we are a tight group. We look out for one and another and make a mockery out of life. Laughter and rowdiness are the main staples of our daily routine. We are the envy of the company. Coz, we are able to talk loudly and anyway we like it. Our job requires us to do that. Hahhaahah…it’s a blessing. Being able to express ourselves amongst the hustle and bustle in this job, is a MUST HAVE. You must be thinking my colleagues are all youngsters, but you will be surprised that mature workers can be twice as fun. The age group falls in the 50s. I’ve 3 “uncles” aged 55, 50 and 1 at 62!! The rest sums up at 34, 28 and 31. I’m the youngest at 24½. Hahahaha…

Back to the subject, bullying has always been a constant in our lives, but afraid to put a stop to it, even if it happens to us. We are totally hopeless!! Especially us, Singaporeans. We are not street-wise and less is always more. So, we will be minding our own business and rid of any troubles that can implicate our lives further. We don’t need that anymore. Our work and personal life are already in a mess; we definitely do not need more shit from these troublemakers.

Cheering my baby sis on!

only writing this bcoz my sista needs it...kekeke...hope she pass her TP tmr and get her licence soon!!! i'm totally shagged...gonna slp now...nite babes...

p.s hate doing new ships...shitty work... :(

Appreciate ALL our Foreign Workers..Regardless of Color!!

When you think of expats, what’s the first thing that pops in your mind? White collared Caucasian men/women buzzing around in their BMWs, right? That’s stereotyping. How come, whenever people mentioned expats, it’s always the Caucasians that gets all the attention and glory? And every time we speak of foreign workers, it’s always the same old nationalities that make it to the list, i.e. Indian, Bangladeshi, Indonesian. We have to be fair and not labeling them in such a way. As long as they are not Singaporeans, and are working on a permit, they are foreign workers. Simple as that, colors aside. Please give credit to those lowly paid foreigners, who are actually contributing to our GDP. They may not be well-educated and living in condos, but they literally build our nation with their bare hands. They sweat it out almost 7 days a week, long hours, inferior living quarters and simple fare. On top of that, they still need to face our discriminating glares. I’m sure they don’t need that. I always feel we can do something good for them. The most recent is, the government enforcing companies to insure their workers with insurance. I think it’s about time we do something for them, especially the “foreign workers”. At least, if something bad happened to them, their families get some form of compensation.

I don’t have anything against the white collared expats, but I just feel that us, Singaporeans, should also show our appreciation to those who slog it out in adverse weathers and acknowledging their efforts to the nation. As our pledge goes, “Regardless of race, language or religion”, we should embrace everyone who makes Singapore what it is today, and better in the future.

Go Go Go!!!

I’m officially bored now. Kekek…writing my blog during office hours AGAIN! :p nothing much I can do in Singapore over the nights and weekends. Been waiting the right time to go overseas for my R&R. Thailand seems like a nice place to go, given the extra info on a farm stay near Korat Province, 2hrs drive from Bangkok. (it’s written in last Sunday Times, 14 Oct.) Air-con tent, suddenly sounds very tempting and soothing. The pictures are amazing and makes me wanna go there straight away! Hoping it will materialize soon…very very soon…

Completed a book by Skoko Tendo, Yazuka Moon. It’s an autobiography by a yazuka’s daughter’s life. It’s a true account and it’s damn sad but a wake up call for people who are trapped in their lives and no one to turn to. They should read this. Simple, but moving. If you’re emotional enough, she could shed a tear or two. Deep down, I hope the best for her and her baby daughter. Hope her life will turn for the better and all her suffering will be behind her and finally she can find a really good man and settle down. She’s been thru hell, back and went straight back in. So much so that, you think it’s so surreal you can’t believe she really went thru all that shit. She’s a strong character and I hope to emulate her spirit. It’s really the spirit of the yazuka. Undeterred, calm, self-sacrificing. Wooo…a little too much for me to do all those. I’ll try my hardest to be like that. The weird part is, after reading the book, it has a calming effect and I’m at peace with myself. Hmmm…voo-doo? Hahaha…I think it’s just me.. :p

Have the urge to write my biography now! Keke…maybe with enough “force”, I might just do it soon. (Jo was the one who encouraged me to do so) Well, I’ll keep on it and update you guys, if it really becomes a reality. *crossing my fingers* Need not be the next J.K Rowling. Just be myself, Nicholas Leong, will do…will do…it’s all that matters..Me and myself. In one, at last.