Should it be evoked by a sad song or a sad experience? I guess, for me it’s both. Last night, when I was repeating myself for the umpteen on my regret for treating Irene that way, I could feel my eyes welling up on cue. This is the part that always (I should say, almost) brings a tear to my eyes. Whenever I talk about this, the urge to cry is always there. There is no denying on that. But I guess I was in control all this while and the tears were held back. I’m not sure when will it flow uncontrollably in public. I just can’t tell. But I reckon it will happen.
Spending all my time with the gang really helps to soothe the lonely soul. Without the companionship, my mind will bound to wander to the unknown, and God knows when will I be back to reality. For the 1st time in years, I’m afraid to be alone. I wonder what will I become after all the festivities have died down. Aloof, silent, maybe grumpy.
I’m looking forward to the 2nd half of the year bcoz of all the celebrations, birthdays, X’mas, NYE…I’m somewhat glad it’s jam packed with all these stuff. There will be months I’ll be doing nothing but blog and blog…and there will be months I’ll MIA for ages. Hahahaha…that’s when you know I’m having too much fun ;). There’s so much to be done and the hot summer sun is dying down soon. So I gotta catch it before month’s end!! And that’s when autumn sets in, and the melancholy rhythm will be heard again. Everything will be slowed down, somehow or rather. It’s like following the footsteps of an old man walking through the park, on a well trodden path, full of fallen golden maple leaves. That image is firmly etched in the back of my mind all the time. I somehow feel I’m that old man. Given all he got and yet spending his last years, walking alone. His only companion, a trusty old walking stick. There’s no one in sight but memories that filled his days and nights with the minute of joy and laughter; doing all these, on an old rocking chair.
I smirked when I see couples holding hands and showing PDA on trains, parks, malls and what have you. Honestly, I feel happy for them. Or maybe I just feel sad for myself. Being able to find a partner/companion isn’t as easy as all think. So, I always envy those who really did find their happiness and progress to start a family and enjoying the bittersweet of married life. I guess I will never experience such myriad of emotions in the years to come, or even in this lifetime. It will take a very “strong” woman to overcome my fear of commitment and the fear of the unknown. It will be HER, who will guide me through the thick and thin. It gotta be HER, who will be the pillar of strength for me, most of the times. So, it’s not that easy to find such a strong yet demure lady of my dreams. It never was, it never will, it never gonna be.
I’m pretty sure I’m getting depressed again if I were to carry on writing. But it’s the best avenue to express my deepest thoughts and vividly capturing my life experiences on this blog. Though it’s wildly imagined at times, but it feels like I’m already there in person. I’m beginning to feel like an old man in a young man’s body.
Maybe I should just become a full-time author. Inspirations were gotten from the music I heard and the emotions I felt of late. The music really brings me back years ago and years ahead at the same time. It’s amazing what a few notes can do. The human mind is a power thing. It can make a person feel like a king in 1 second, and like a destitute in another. Try exploring it when you got the time and space, and I guarantee you, you’ll not be disappointed. ;)
Spending all my time with the gang really helps to soothe the lonely soul. Without the companionship, my mind will bound to wander to the unknown, and God knows when will I be back to reality. For the 1st time in years, I’m afraid to be alone. I wonder what will I become after all the festivities have died down. Aloof, silent, maybe grumpy.
I’m looking forward to the 2nd half of the year bcoz of all the celebrations, birthdays, X’mas, NYE…I’m somewhat glad it’s jam packed with all these stuff. There will be months I’ll be doing nothing but blog and blog…and there will be months I’ll MIA for ages. Hahahaha…that’s when you know I’m having too much fun ;). There’s so much to be done and the hot summer sun is dying down soon. So I gotta catch it before month’s end!! And that’s when autumn sets in, and the melancholy rhythm will be heard again. Everything will be slowed down, somehow or rather. It’s like following the footsteps of an old man walking through the park, on a well trodden path, full of fallen golden maple leaves. That image is firmly etched in the back of my mind all the time. I somehow feel I’m that old man. Given all he got and yet spending his last years, walking alone. His only companion, a trusty old walking stick. There’s no one in sight but memories that filled his days and nights with the minute of joy and laughter; doing all these, on an old rocking chair.
I smirked when I see couples holding hands and showing PDA on trains, parks, malls and what have you. Honestly, I feel happy for them. Or maybe I just feel sad for myself. Being able to find a partner/companion isn’t as easy as all think. So, I always envy those who really did find their happiness and progress to start a family and enjoying the bittersweet of married life. I guess I will never experience such myriad of emotions in the years to come, or even in this lifetime. It will take a very “strong” woman to overcome my fear of commitment and the fear of the unknown. It will be HER, who will guide me through the thick and thin. It gotta be HER, who will be the pillar of strength for me, most of the times. So, it’s not that easy to find such a strong yet demure lady of my dreams. It never was, it never will, it never gonna be.
I’m pretty sure I’m getting depressed again if I were to carry on writing. But it’s the best avenue to express my deepest thoughts and vividly capturing my life experiences on this blog. Though it’s wildly imagined at times, but it feels like I’m already there in person. I’m beginning to feel like an old man in a young man’s body.
Maybe I should just become a full-time author. Inspirations were gotten from the music I heard and the emotions I felt of late. The music really brings me back years ago and years ahead at the same time. It’s amazing what a few notes can do. The human mind is a power thing. It can make a person feel like a king in 1 second, and like a destitute in another. Try exploring it when you got the time and space, and I guarantee you, you’ll not be disappointed. ;)
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